免费托福写作批改：政府应该花钱在哪里？

Do you think it is better for government to spend money on building furture housing or preserving historic or traditional buildings and homes?

免费托福写作批改前：

Our country, China, is developing at an amazing speed. With our money increasing, the government is spending money both on building future housing and preserving historic buildings, but which one is better? From my perspective, the situation varies from city to city. For metropolises like Beijing or Shanghai, preserving historic buildings should be given priority, on the other hand, for some small cities or rural areas, it will be better for the government to spend money on building future housing.

I live in Beijing, the capital of China. As is known to all, Beijing is famous for its long history and places of interest, such as the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and the Tiananmen Square. Spending money on preserving those ancient buildings can not only improve the prosperity of our tourism industry but also protect our Chinese culture. Millions of people come to the city of Beijing every year to visit the ancient Chinese buildings, which are the symbols of our Chinese history and culture. And I cannot imagine what the city would be like if our historical buildings are devastated. There was a time when people took bricks from the Great Wall to build their own house, resulting in terrible damages of the wall, thus the government spent billions to get the missing bricks back. Consequently, in order to prevent unnecessary financial loss and improve the development of our tourism, it is of vital importance for us to preserve our historical buildings.

Moreover, spend too much money on building future housing may result in a waste. In fact, many metropolises in China have already had lots of newly constructed buildings. However, most of the new houses are empty, because most of the individuals cannot afford to live in a new classy house. Take Beijing as an example again, despite the big area of the city and the forest of skyscrapers, there are still many citizens living in the old, shabby houses. Though the real estate industry is still developing at a high speed, due to the increasing house price from twenty thousand per square meters to fifty thousand per square meters, fewer and fewer people live in the newly built houses.

However, in China, there are still lots of less developed cities, like the cities in Guizhou province or Yunnan province. Building future housing should be on the first place in order to attract more people to the city. In these cities, the density of population is not that high, so there are adequate areas to build new houses. As we know, modern skyscrapers indicate the prosperity of the city. With more and more new buildings, the city can gain higher population and develop at a higher speed. For city like Kunming, the capital of Yunnan province, spending more money on future buildings rather than preserving old houses will be a better strategy when taking the economic development of the city into consideration.

Considering the various situations stated above, it is inappropriate to say that spend money on future housings is better than on historic buildings. Different cities have different best choices.

免费托福写作批改后：

Our country, China, is developing at an amazing speed. With our money increasing, the government is spending money both on building future housing and preserving historic buildings, but which one is better? From my perspective, the situation varies from city to city. For metropolises like Beijing or Shanghai, preserving historic buildings should be given priority, on the other hand, for some small cities or rural areas, it will be better for the government to spend money on building future housing. 【暂时做不到精彩的时候 简单利落也是一种风格】

I live in Beijing, the capital of China. 【分论据这点总洁性要强】As is known to all, Beijing is famous for its long history and places of interest, such as the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and the Tiananmen Square. Spending money on preserving those ancient buildings can not only improve the prosperity of our tourism industry but also protect our Chinese culture. Millions of people come to the city of Beijing every year to visit the ancient Chinese buildings, which are the symbols of our Chinese history and culture. And I cannot imagine what the city would be like if our historical buildings are devastated. There was a time when people took bricks from the Great Wall to build their own house, resulting in terrible damages of the wall, thus the government spent billions to get the missing bricks back. Consequently, in order to prevent unnecessary financial loss and improve the development of our tourism, it is of vital importance for us to preserve our historical buildings. 【可以，论证有层次 句子难度也可以;就是偶尔犟嘴会有点中文表达 有点不精简】

Moreover, spend too much money on building future housing may result in a waste. 【简洁但不够出彩 这里一定要用上好的句型跟闪光词汇 做好面子活】In fact, many metropolises in China have already had lots of newly constructed buildings. However, most of the new houses are empty, because most of the individuals cannot afford to live in a new classy house.【复数】Take Beijing as an example again, despite the big area of the city and the forest of skyscrapers, there are still many citizens living in the old, shabby houses. Though the real estate industry is still developing at a high speed, due to the increasing house price from twenty thousand per square meters to fifty thousand per square meters, fewer and fewer people live in the newly built houses.【可以，论证是完整的】

However, in China, there are still lots of less developed cities, like the cities in Guizhou province or Yunnan province.【总结性不够 不足以充当分论点】Building future housing should be on the first place in order to attract more people to the city. In these cities, the density of population is not that high, so there are adequate areas to build new houses. As we know, modern skyscrapers indicate the prosperity of the city. With more and more new buildings, the city can gain higher population and develop at a higher speed. For city like Kunming, the capital of Yunnan province, spending more money on future buildings rather than preserving old houses will be a better strategy when taking the economic development of the city into consideration. 【短尾可以在总结一下 回到段首的分论点上 会显得论证逻辑更有了总结 就又回到分论点上了;觉得你论证逻辑还是蛮连贯严谨的 这里举了个例子后在总结一下分论点绕回去比较好。其实论证方法无非就是那几类 一句话分两句说 流线型推；从论点到个例 个例到大众 从而论点得证加缜密】

Considering the various situations stated above, it is inappropriate to say that spend[ing] money on future housings is better than on historic buildings. Different cities have different best choices.

整体还是可以的，关键部分做好美化面子工程，开头可以再设计一下。25分。