小站为各位考试提供免费在线批改服务，今天托福写作批改板块给各位考生带来的批改是：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to attract good students, a university should spend a lot of money funding social activities.
免费托福写作批改前
What can be called a dreaming university? Parents and teachers may attach overwhelming attention to the educational resources. However, students may seemingly make an comprehensive decision with the campus activities taken into account. In this sense, i reckon there is a must for universities to allocate money on funding the social campaigns, including clubs, parties, concerts and sports games in showing an multivariant profile to students.
First, the thriving clubs and parties offers crucial opportunities for students to enlarge their friends circle and simultaneously to improve their socialization skills. Numerous top universities and colleges all over the globe, such as Harvard and MIT, have seen the advantage of an extended social nets for students’ life and future career preparation. Therefore, increasing funds for clubs have been dedicated in order to provide students a better environment. It certainly appeals to most excellent students since the preponderance is obvious - not only can friends offer conductive advice but also spiritual supports when one’s encountering adversities.
Additionally, concerts and sports games serve as an excellent stage on which students can develop their respective interests and exhibit the their extraordinary talents. Annual new year gala, singer competition and drama performance, these artistic activities gain great popularity among students. Yearly sports meeting is also a hit to students monotone life which they anticipate for long to win the honor for their striving. If more money is dedicated to enhance the quality of these activities, it will contribute to the wide spread of the reputation and thus, can catch those top students’ eyes.
Admittedly, excessive social activities will exert great distraction and interference on their academic schoolwork. But the fact is, when students appropriately schedule their time for study and activities, it may bring astonishing benefits to the advancement of students. Moderate entertainment will relax our tense nerves and react to the promotion of efficiency, since the mental and physical condition is constantly at its balanced point.
From all the arguments above, we can safely draw the conclusion that universities are supposed to put a high value on funding the social activities, to create an appealing access to a pool of new relationship and a perfect stage for self presentation. It may pay an unexpectedly crucial role for good students to select the school.
免费托福写作批改后：
What can be called a dreaming university【What’s a university in dreams like?原句不大符合英文语言习惯，dreaming是有梦想的，不是梦想中的】? Parents and teachers may attach overwhelming attention to the educational resources. However, students may seemingly make an【a】 comprehensive decision with the campus activities taken into account. In this sense, i【I】 reckon there is a must for universities to allocate money on funding the social campaigns, including clubs, parties, concerts and sports games in showing an multivariant profile to students.
First, the thriving clubs and parties offers【去掉s】 crucial opportunities for students to enlarge their friends circle and simultaneously to improve their socialization skills. Numerous top universities and colleges all over the globe, such as Harvard and MIT, have seen the advantage of an extended social nets for students’ life and future career preparation. Therefore, increasing funds for clubs have been dedicated in order to provide students a better environment. It certainly appeals to most excellent students since the preponderance is obvious - not only can friends offer conductive advice but also spiritual supports when one’s encountering adversities. 【这段论述的不错，一步一步深入】
Additionally, concerts and sports games serve as an excellent stage on which students can develop their respective interests and exhibit the their extraordinary talents. Annual new year【N Y大写】 gala, singer competition【s】and drama performance【s】, these artistic activities gain great popularity among students. 【A y】Yearly sports meeting is also a hit to students monotone life which they anticipate for long to win the honor for their striving. If more money is dedicated to enhance the quality of these activities, it will contribute to the wide spread of the reputation and thus, can catch those top students’ eyes.
Admittedly, excessive social activities will exert great distraction and interference on their academic schoolwork. But the fact is, when students appropriately schedule their time for study and activities, it may bring astonishing benefits to the advancement of students. Moderate entertainment will relax our tense nerves and react to the promotion of efficiency, since the mental and physical condition is constantly at its balanced point.
From all the arguments above, we can safely draw the conclusion that universities are supposed to put a high value on funding the social activities, to create an appealing access to a pool of new relationship and a perfect stage for self【横杠线】 presentation. It may pay an unexpectedly crucial role for good students to select the school.
预估分数：
25
写的很不错哟，论点方面抓的比较准，整体的论述层层递进，但是要注意细节的语法错误，祝你考试成功哟。
