免费托福写作批改：环境VS食物

Modern agriculture practice damage the environment, but providing food for growing population is more important.

免费托福写作批改前：

While increasing number of people suffer from starvation but the lands recalled by human for agriculture is also cause negative influence on the whole environment. Whether we should use more lands for foods or people should pay these farmlands into wetlands, forests and bushes again are on highly debated. On the one hand, some of the socialists suggested that the issues of poverty and starvation are much more essential than environmental problem; on the other hand, however, some environmentalists maintain that the action of protecting our environment is benefitial for future generation. As far as I concern, more importance should be attached to agriculture for people's surviving.

What comes first is that, with the explosion of the global population, residents in poverty and high population density area are more likely to be confronted with hunger. Since the population in the world has grown rapidly after the industrial revolution one hundred years ago, and population in some of the nations like China, India, and Japan even tripled, more food should are required for new growth people to survive. As the basic needs of human survival should always be put into first place, how could be so cruel leaving all these people starving to death but claiming the goal of environmental protection? 50 years ago, when my grandpa was a young boy, the most urgent issue for him to concern everyday was how to get him and his family members full. When at that time, fuel was made up by tree branches, foods may be found in forest, and what people ate was some plant roots and no meat. If the condition for human race to earn a living is so poor that the statement of environmental-friendly policy should never be take into practice or even be put forward.

The second factor is that agriculture is the foundation of environmental protection. A nation without advanced agriculture has a great possibility to suffer from severe starvation. If a nation just struggled for surviving, by no means could it thrive in the relentless global competition. Moreover, people in a nation with impoverish, it is no doubt that they have not extra budget for environmental improving program. A study conducted by University of Maryland in 2013 indicates the trend that countries with advanced agriculture tends to enable a more rapid increasing of their GDP, and also leads to better environment. The data shows that nations, such as USA, with vase of farmlands about 30 percent to its national fields would surprisingly better air condition, greater green land area, and more diversity of species.

Ultimately, only the belief that environmental protection and modern agriculture is not mutually exclusive can a country balance the both sides. Admittedly, at the time of 50 years ago, modern techniques for developing agriculture efficiency was not start its pace, and recalling forests, wetlands into farmlands were definitely damaged the environment. As decades goes on, government's, individuals’, and social communities awareness of environmental protection has been enhanced. A lot of methods and technologies are devoted to produce more foods in limited farmlands, and thus some of these lands are put back to forest and grassland again. Take the biggest wetland Hikina in China as an example, until 1970, about half of it region was taken for agriculture utilizing, in 2005, however, the local government invest a new technology for improve the effectiveness of growing rice. Since then, 80 percent of the farmland region is returned to wetland again.

In conclusion, as the evidence and reasons mentioned above, we should safely suggest that modern agriculture prosperity should be taken into primary consideration. In addition to the advancement of agriculture techniques, environmental protection and modern agriculture could be developed at the same time.

免费托福写作批改后：

While increasing number of people suffer from starvation but the lands recalled by human for agriculture is 【删掉】 also cause 【语态】 negative influence on the whole environment. Whether we should use more lands for foods or people should pay these farmlands into wetlands, forests and bushes again are on highly debated. On the one hand, some of the socialists suggested that the issues of poverty and starvation are much more essential than environmental problem; on the other hand, however, some environmentalists maintain that the action of protecting our environment is benefitial for future generation. As far as I concern, more importance should be attached to agriculture for people's surviving.【从句神马的给人你表达还不错的样子 很好 加油】

What comes first is that, with the explosion of the global population, residents in poverty and high population density area are more likely to be confronted with hunger.【可以 不死很精彩的时候 这样落落大方也不错】 Since the population in the world has grown rapidly after the industrial revolution one hundred years ago, and population in some of the nations like China, India, and Japan even tripled, more food should are required for new growth people to survive. As the basic needs of human survival should always be put into first place, how could be so cruel leaving all these people starving to death but claiming the goal of environmental protection? 【主语呢】50 years ago, when my grandpa was a young boy, the most urgent issue for him to concern everyday was how to get him and his family members full. When at that time,【我勒个去 】 fuel was made up by tree branches, foods may be found in forest, and what people ate was some plant roots and no meat. If the condition for human race to earn a living is so poor that the statement of environmental-friendly policy should never be take【taken】 into practice or even be put forward.【孩子 你怎么回事 写作表达水平忽高忽低这么不稳定；低级语法错误自己要避免哈 论证大的方向也不要录哪了，向上片看齐；我很喜欢你的细节;但是你的表达语言 有时候太低级 自己注意】

The second factor is that agriculture is the foundation of environmental protection. 【短小精悍的句子用好了也很招阅卷老师喜欢 特别是分论点的时候 不过太过于朴实也不好 注意下次积累显摆几个出彩的句型词组会更好哦】A nation without advanced agriculture has a great possibility to suffer from severe starvation. If a nation just struggled for surviving, by no means could it thrive in the relentless global competition. 【恩 句式有】Moreover, people in a nation with impoverish, it is no doubt that they have not extra budget for environmental improving program. A study conducted by University of Maryland in 2013 indicates the trend that countries with advanced agriculture tends to enable a more rapid increasing of their GDP, and also leads to better environment. The data shows that nations, such as USA, with vase of farmlands about 30 percent to its national fields would surprisingly better air condition, greater green land area, and more diversity of species. 【可以，这段论证和语言也是很好的】

Ultimately, only the belief that environmental protection and modern agriculture is not mutually exclusive can a country balance the both sides. 【很好 有高级意识了】Admittedly, at the time of 50 years ago, modern techniques for developing agriculture efficiency was not start its pace, and recalling forests, wetlands into farmlands were definitely damaged the environment. As decades goes on, government's, individuals’, and social communities【用 communities 加of 啊】awareness of environmental protection has been enhanced. A lot of methods and technologies are devoted to produce more foods in limited farmlands, and thus some of these lands are put back to forest and grassland again. Take the biggest wetland Hikina in China as an example, until 1970, about half of it region was taken for agriculture utilizing, in 2005, however, the local government invest a new technology for improve the effectiveness of growing rice. Since then, 80 percent of the farmland region is returned to wetland again.【很好 实力有回来了;但是一个问题 后面你总是少了一个总结或者回到论点的句子。要收下口】

In conclusion, as the evidence and reasons mentioned above, we should safely suggest that modern agriculture prosperity should be taken into primary consideration. In addition to the advancement of agriculture techniques, environmental protection and modern agriculture could be developed at the same time.【很好】

虽然你已经去考试了，老师觉得你这次一定会凯旋的。这牌那文章除了文章中具体给你批注的小毛病，整体已经很好了，考试完好好放松一下，提前祝贺你哈。

25分