免费托福写作批改：关于交通的话题

Drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic.

免费托福写作批改前：

A young woman broke up with her boyfriend because of his being late 3 hours for the date. It turned out that the man was stuck in traffic for over 3 hours, seemingly absurd. Actually, this is a joke adapted from true event and reported by Vista magazine. Too often we feel that our government should make some policies to solve this problem, especially when we are stuck in the traffic congestion but find nothing we can do to ameliorate. Therefore, a solution, proposed by us citizens, is to impose additional fees from drivers. However, from my perspective, it is unwise that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic.

Initially, city construction planer is responsible for traffic jam rather than drivers themselves. Take the L.A as an example. In order to speed traffic flow, the city construction planer of L.A made a lot of efforts, such as requiring drivers to pay fees, merging traffic roads, and etc. However, none of these solutions made contribution to solving traffic congestion. Eventually, an Olympics traffic plan emerged in 2005 and has been applying since 2013 solved the traffic congestion. By synchronize all of its traffic signals in L.A, travel speed increase by 16 percent and probability of travel congestion reduce by 12 percent. We need to acknowledge that most metropolises in China have their demerits in city construction planning, especially the road construction aspect. Thus, on no account should we omit the value of city construction planning when we are attempting to ameliorate traffic congestion.

Plus, requiring drivers to pay fees is ineffective since there are few alternative accesses for people to commute. Some people may suggest that people can take subways or buses to commute in order to solve traffic congestion. However, some people are compromised to drive to commute, to some extent, for public transportations are more time-consuming and inconvenient for those people. According to the survey made by China Daily, 87 percent of people, choosing to drive to commute, lack of alternative accesses like subways and buses. Simply stated, those subways and buses are not accessible enough to attract potential citizens. For instance, lacking of adjacent subway station or bus stop, I am actually compelled to choose driving to work, since I am living in suburb. Therefore, expanding public transportations’ coverage is more suitable for rapidly burgeoning society.

Admittedly, requiring drivers to pay fees has its own merits when there is the greatest amount of traffic. However, this simple solution is by means effective for the long run, because traffic congestion brought by social development is way complex than expectations.

Based on those discussions mentioned above, I think, it is unwise that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time during traffic congestion, for it is inappropriate and ineffective.

免费托福写作批改后：

A young woman broke up with her boyfriend because of his being late 3 hours for the date. It turned out that the man was stuck in traffic for over 3 hours, seemingly absurd. Actually, this is a joke adapted from true event and reported by Vista magazine. Too often we feel that our government should make some policies to solve this problem, especially when we are stuck in the traffic congestion but find nothing we can do to ameliorate. Therefore, a solution, proposed by us citizens, is to impose additional fees from drivers. However, from my perspective, it is unwise that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. 【很新颖 也很好 但是通篇还是按这个字数比例走么】

Initially, city construction planer is responsible for traffic jam rather than drivers themselves. Take the L.A as an example. In order to speed traffic flow, the city construction planer of L.A made a lot of efforts, such as requiring drivers to pay fees, merging traffic roads, and etc. However, none of these solutions made contribution to solving traffic congestion. Eventually, an Olympics traffic plan emerged in 2005 and has been applying since 2013 solved the traffic congestion. By synchronize all of its traffic signals in L.A, travel speed increase by 16 percent and probability of travel congestion reduce by 12 percent. We need to acknowledge that most metropolises in China have their demerits in city construction planning, especially the road construction aspect. Thus, on no account should we omit the value of city construction planning when we are attempting to ameliorate traffic congestion.【是没有什么大问题的

Plus, requiring drivers to pay fees is ineffective since there are few alternative accesses for people to commute.【分论点出发点也可以】 Some people may suggest that people can take subways or buses to commute in order to solve traffic congestion. However, some people are compromised to drive to commute, to some extent, for public transportations are more time-consuming and inconvenient for those people. According to the survey made by China Daily, 87 percent of people, choosing to drive to commute, lack of alternative accesses like subways and buses. Simply stated, those subways and buses are not accessible enough to attract potential citizens. For instance, lacking of adjacent subway station or bus stop, I am actually compelled to choose driving to work, since I am living in suburb. Therefore, expanding public transportations’ coverage is more suitable for rapidly burgeoning society.【说理论证很充分啊 我没什么好跳毛病的了】

Admittedly, requiring drivers to pay fees has its own merits when there is the greatest amount of traffic. However, this simple solution is by means effective for the long run, because traffic congestion brought by social development is way complex than expectations.

Based on those discussions mentioned above, I think, it is unwise that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time during traffic congestion, for it is inappropriate and ineffective.

一篇文章里，强调句、倒装句、虚拟语气、the more the more 句型、并列结构、比较关系 这些都应该有所包含，比如倒装句，用习惯了是很简单的。但你这方面意识不强烈；建议积累一些高级词汇用以替换那些用烂了的基本词汇。在掌握了一定高级词汇的基础上，对句子就应有更高要求。

什么也不想说了 我给25分 放平心态 考试时候好好敲