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托福写作批改:[独立+综合][TPO3]高分作文推荐


作文批改前:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage.

Both the reading and the lecture discuss whether the painting belongs to the painter Rembrandt. The reading states that it is unlikely to be a work of Rembrandt. The lecture totally refutes the passage.

First, the passage suggests that the linen cap and the fur collar of the woman in the painting is incompatible. On the contrary, the lecture argues that after an analysis of the painting, people found that the fur collar was added after the work was completed, because someone maybe wanted to increase its value.

Second, the passage asserts that since the light and shadow don\'t fit together, it cannot be a work of Rembrandt distinguished as a master of handling these elements. However, the lecture contends that after the added dark collar is removed, the woman\'s face is indeed illuminated by light below. This is another point where the lecture goes against the reading.

Third, the passage hold the views that the panel on which Rembrandt painted is glued together by several pieces of wood, another evidence that the painting isn\'t attributed to Rembrandt because he didn\'t apply this method to his other works. This is contrary to the claims in the lecture that the original panel is just a single piece of wood. The fact is, according to the lecture, that the panel was enlarged by someone else to make it look more grand and valuable. Besides, another work of Rembrandt was painted on a panel made from the same tree.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The issue of the importance of keeping old friends and making new friends is highly debatable. Some people assert that keeping old friends is of more importance because they understand us better, whereas others hold the opposite perspective. As far as I am concerned, we should attach more importance to making new friends. The reasons are as follows.

Admittedly, old friends play a significant role in our life. It is our old friends who offer us immediate help when we encounter obstacles and setbacks in our life. On top of that, since we spend massive time together, they have a better understanding of our personal habits, feelings and emotions. Hence, we tend to seek for comfort and encouragement from our friends when feeling sorrow and frustrated.

However, in spite of the benefits of old friends, they are outweighed by the advantages of making new friends. First of all, making new friends offers us the opportunity to develop and promote our interpersonal and social skills, which are conducive to our future career. An increasing number of jobs require expertise in your field, as well as your skills in social activities. Clearly, making new friends is an excellent approach to practicing these skills. Through making new friends, you are able to improve your communication skills and presentation ability. Meanwhile, you can cultivate a sense of responsibility and teamwork. Take my own experience as an example. I used to be an introverted person who only talked to my close friends and dared not to speak in public. Later I took the courage to make some new friends and gradually I started to enjoy communicating with others. I am now an outgoing person who can speak confidently in front of groups.

In addition, making new friends enables us to broaden our horizons as well as experience a colorful life. Our knowledge obtained from books is inevitably limited, and making new friends suitably make up for this drawback. By communicating with new friends from different backgrounds and cultures, we exchange our ideas and opinions with each other so that we have access to knowledge of various areas. Also, we can know more about how other people live and think. Consequently we can broaden our horizons and lead a more colorful life. By contrast, our old friends, who always share the same values and experience with us, are unlikely to bring about these advantages to us.

Based on what I mentioned about, we can come to a conclusion that it is more important to make new friends, because it not only enhances our interpersonal and social skills but also provides a fulfilling and colorful life for us.

小站名师批改后:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage.

Both the reading and the lecture discuss whether the painting belongs to 【用词不准确,改为was painted by】the painter Rembrandt. The reading states that it is unlikely to be a work of Rembrandt. The lecture totally refutes the passage.【首段表现出两则材料的主题,并且表明the reading passage和the lecture观点对立!】

First, the passage suggests that the linen cap and the fur collar of the woman in the painting is【are】incompatible. On the contrary, the lecture argues that after an analysis of the painting, people found that the fur collar was added after the work was completed, because someone maybe wanted to increase its value.

Second, the passage asserts that since the light and shadow don\'t fit together, it cannot be a work of Rembrandt distinguished as a master of handling these elements. However, the lecture contends that after the added dark collar is removed, the woman\'s face is indeed illuminated by light below. This is another point where the lecture goes against the reading.

Third, the passage hold 【holds】the views【view】 that the panel on which Rembrandt painted is glued together by several pieces of wood, 【and】another evidence that the painting isn\'t attributed to Rembrandt because he didn\'t apply this method to his other works. This is contrary to the claims 【claim】in the lecture that the original panel is just a single piece of wood. The fact is, according to the lecture, that the panel was enlarged by someone else to make it look more grand and valuable. Besides, another work of Rembrandt was painted on a panel made from the same tree.

1、Accuracy:

信息点准确完整!

2、Organization:

结构清晰完整!

3、Language use:

词汇句式丰富,注意细节错误!

4、Strength:

信息点把握不错,词汇句式丰富!

5、Weakness:

细节错误!

6、Improvement:

注意检查,及时修正!

Integrated Task

Level Good

4.5

28

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The issue of the importance of keeping old friends and making new friends is highly debatable. Some people assert that keeping old friends is of more importance because they understand us better, whereas others hold the opposite perspective. As far as I am concerned, we should attach more importance to making new friends. The reasons are as follows.【稍作铺垫,表明观点!】

Admittedly, old friends play a significant role in our life. It is our old friends who offer us immediate help when we encounter obstacles and setbacks in our life. On top of that, since we spend 【have spent用现在完成时】massive time together, they have a better understanding of our personal habits, feelings and emotions. Hence, we tend to seek for comfort and encouragement from our【old】friends when feeling sorrow【sad】 and frustrated.

However, in spite of the benefits of old friends, they are outweighed by the advantages of making new friends. First of all, making new friends offers us the opportunity to develop and promote our interpersonal and social skills, which are conducive to our future career. An increasing number of jobs require expertise in your field, as well as your skills in social activities. Clearly, making new friends is an excellent approach to practicing these skills. Through making new friends, you are able to improve your communication skills and presentation ability. Meanwhile, you can cultivate a sense of responsibility and teamwork. Take my own experience as an example. I used to be an introverted person who only talked to my close friends and dared not to speak in public. Later I took the courage to make some new friends and gradually I started to enjoy communicating with others. I am now an outgoing person who can speak confidently in front of groups.【最好把第二人称you换成第一人称we】

In addition, making new friends enables us to broaden our horizons as well as experience a colorful life. Our knowledge obtained from books is inevitably limited, and making new friends suitablymake【makes】 up for this drawback. By communicating with new friends from different backgrounds and cultures, we exchange our ideas and opinions with each other so that we have access to knowledge of various areas. Also, we can know more about how other people live and think. Consequently we can broaden our horizons and lead a more colorful life. By contrast, our old friends, who always share the same values and experience with us, are unlikely to bring about these advantages to us.

Based on what I 【have】mentioned about【above】, we can come to a conclusion that it is more important to make new friends, because it not only enhances our interpersonal and social skills but also provides a fulfilling and colorful life for us.

1、Topic Development:

话题展开比较充分!

2、Organization:

结构清晰完整!

3、Language use:

词汇句式丰富!细节错误,详见批注!注意独立作文中最好不要用第二人称!

4、Strength:

结构清晰,观点明确,词汇句式用得不错!

5、Weakness:

细节错误!

6、Improvement:

注意检查修改!

第二人称最好不要用!

Independent Task

Level Good

4.5

28

Integrated Task

Independent Task

Scaled Score

4.5

4.5

28

Good

Good

Keep up the good work!


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