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托福写作批改:[独立+综合][TPO15]高分作文推荐


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Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific solutions presented in the reading passage.

Though the professor in the lecture agrees with the passage that that the increasing population of cane toad is becoming a serious problem in Australia, she totally refutes the measures put forward in the passage. She gives convicing reasons on why all the measures are either unsucccessful or causing unexpected damage to the environment.

The first way mentioned in the passage is to build a national fence for the purpose of preventing the immigration of toads. In spite of the fact that this method works well on rabbits, the professor points out that since the eggs or young toads are spreading through rivers and streams, it\'s no use to build a fence mostly exists on land.

The lecture contradicts the second approach by demonstrating that the untrained volunteers maybe could capture and destroy the toads, but they would also destroy native frogs which are similar to the toads, especially when the two species are both young.

Contrary to the passage, the lecturer believes that developing a disease-causing virus will do great harm to the environment, especially the American ecosysytem. She explains her opinion by stating the fact that the Australian reptiles are easily transported to America by researchers. And when they are infected by the virus, this virus could readily spread through America, which could result in the decreasing population of native species. Thus, there will be a diseaster in American ecosystem.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As far as I am concerned, the money management lessen is one of the most important lessens a child needs to learn. Nowadays, financial problems especially credit card debt are increasingly troubling college students. Some of my classmates are more or less in debt, since they haven\'t formed the habit of managing their person finance. In most cases, they merely spend as much money as they like in the beginning of the month on online shopping and seek help from their parents if they can not make ends meet when this month ends.

Usually, this cicyle repeats from time and time without any improvement. If this situation continues, how can they become financially independant, which adults should be.

Once upon a time, I had a chance to ask some of the students why they are tend to overspend money when we had dinner together. To my surprise, their answers are quiet similar. They all mentioned that they were lack of money management education at their early age. As a result, they would neither consciously keep a record of the money they get and spend nor make a budget before spending money.

Hence one can see how significant learning to manage money at childhood is. If you started to manage your personal finance in the early age, what you acquire is not only the capability of budgeting, but also the awareness that money does not come easily and one should use it abstemiously. Only with this awareness can one always pay close attention to his financial situation and always make ends meet.

Now, unlike many of mine classmates, I am quiet financially comfortable, since my mother began to give me money management training when I was a little boy. She allows me to use my own gift money as long as my demand is reasonable and I have made a budget. She also requires me to do some household duties in exchange of pocket money, which helps me fully understand how difficult making money is.

From all the dicussion above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it\'s essential to give young children money management education in order to help them become financially responsible. It\'s an important lessen during one\'s growth proccess, which requires efforts both from parents and schools.

小站名师批改后:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific solutions presented in the reading passage.

Though the professor in the lecture agrees with the passage that that the increasing population of cane toad is becoming a serious problem in Australia, she totally refutes the measures put forward in the passage. She gives convicing (convincing)reasons on why all the measures are either unsucccessful (unsuccessful)or causing unexpected damage to the environment.

The first way mentioned in the passage is to build a national fence for the purpose of preventing the immigration of toads. In spite of the fact that this method works well on rabbits, the professor points out that since the eggs or young toads are spreading through rivers and streams, it\'s(首字母大写,另做一句) no use to build a fence mostly exists on land(去掉 ).

The lecture contradicts the second approach by demonstrating that the untrained volunteers maybe could capture and destroy the toads, but they would also destroy native frogs which are similar to the toads, especially when the two species are both young.

Contrary to the passage, the lecturer believes that developing a disease-causing virus will do great harm to the environment, especially the American ecosysytem(ecosystem). She explains her opinion by stating the fact that the Australian reptiles are easily transported to America by researchers. And when they are infected by the virus, this virus could readily spread through America, which could result in the decreasing population of native species. Thus, there(this) will be adiseaster (disaster) in(改on) American ecosystem.

文章能够准确完整点出阅读、听力材料中的主要观点,论证展开逻辑性强

词汇运用灵活多变、句型结构也比较ok,应尽量避免出现单词拼写错误

Level: GOOD 4.25 Scaled Score:27

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As far as I am concerned, the money management lessen is one of the most important lessens (ones)a child needs to learn. Nowadays, financial problems especially credit card debt(改credit card crisis)are increasingly troubling college students. Some of my classmates are more or less in debt, since they haven\'t formed the habit of managing their person finance. In most cases, they merely spend as much money as they like in the beginning of the month on online shopping and seek help from their parents if they cannot make ends meet when this month ends.(建议首段只明确观点,具体的分析可分割到中间部分)

Usually, this cicyle (cycle)repeats from time and(改to) time without any improvement. If this situation continues, how can they become financially independant (independent), which adults should be.

Once upon a time, I had a chance to ask some of the students why they are(去掉) tend to overspend money when we had dinner together. To my surprise, their answers are(were) quiet similar. They all mentioned that they were lack of(改lacked) money management education at their early age. As a result, they would neither consciously keep a record of the money they get and spend (改got and spent)nor make a budget before spending money.

Hence one can see how significant learning to manage money at childhood is(改it is to learn to manage money at childhood). If you started(start) to manage your personal finance in the early age, what you acquire is not only the capability of budgeting, but also the awareness that money does not come easily and one should use it abstemiously. Only with this awareness can one always pay close attention to his financial situation and always make ends meet.

Now, unlike many of mine classmates, I am quiet financially comfortable, since my mother began(begins) to give me money management training when I was a little boy. She allows me to use my own gift money as long as my demand is reasonable and I have made a budget. She also requires me to do some household duties(去掉) in exchange of(改for) pocket money, which helps me fully understand how difficult making money is.

From all the dicussion (discussion)above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it\'s essential to give young children money management education in order to help them become financially responsible. It\'s an important lessen during one\'s growth proccess (去掉), which requires efforts both from parents and schools.(首尾呼应)

文章结构完整,观点贯穿全文,首段可精简一下,简单给出自己的观点,里面具体分析的内容可放到中间部分,整个分析说理比较充分,但只给出了一个方面,可从更多的方面来分析一下孩子学会理财的好处

词汇运用、句型结构总体不错,注意一下细节问题,如单词拼写错误、句子时态问题等

Level: FAIR 3.7 Scaled Score23

ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK

Integrated Task

Independent Task

Scaled Score

4.25

3.7

25


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