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托福写作批改:[综合][TPO6]高分作文推荐


托福写作批改前:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

The reading material expresses the advantages of online encyclopedias while the speaker gave her strong disagreement on the issue.

To begin with, the passage show a skeptical attitude towards the accutacy of online cyclopedias. However, the speaker indicates that there have never been a so-called perfect and consummate kind of encyclopedias without any mistakes in it. What we should focus here is how easily errors can be correctly. Surely it is more convenient to correct an error online than the written version where those errors remain for years and keep misleading people.

Next, although the speaker admits the importance of security issue, she strongly doubts the neccesity to avoid using online cyclopedias due to the already curbed risk. She points out that there are already many ways to prevent hackers and unscrupulous people from chancing the context of information with malice, such as using special format which cannot be changed or having some kind of supervision.

Last but not the least, the speaker says there is nothing wrong with the communal wncyclopedias focusing on popular topics, which contradicts to the view of the passage, for it actually reflects the interest of people which the traditional virsion fails to do. Whithout limitation in space, online encyclopedias provide us with a bewildering amount of information. This variety and diversity is what enthral people.

In summary, the speaker elevates the advantage of online wncyclopedias over the traditional one invoving certain aspects as space, accuracy and secrurity protection. She thinks there is no need to hold a Luddite attitude, but should embrace the new encyclopedia age that high technology brings about.

小站名师批改后:


Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

The reading material expresses the advantages of online encyclopedias while the speaker gave her strong disagreement on the issue.

To begin with, the passage show【加S】 a skeptical attitude towards the accutacy【改为accuracy】 of online cyclopedias. However, the speaker indicates that there have never been a so-called perfect and consummate kind of encyclopedias without any mistakes in it. What we should focus here is how easily errors can be correctly. Surely it is more convenient to correct an error online than the written version where those errors remain for years and keep misleading people.【good】

Next, although the speaker admits the importance of security issue, she strongly doubts the neccesity 【necessity】 to avoid using online cyclopedias due to the already curbed risk. She points out that there are already many ways to prevent hackers and unscrupulous people from chancing the context of information with【处于恶意的话用out of malice比较好】 malice, such as using special format which cannot be changed or having some kind of supervision.【good】

Last but not the least, the speaker says there is nothing wrong with the communal wncyclopedias【encyclopedias】 focusing on popular topics, which contradicts to the view of the passage, for it actually reflects the interest of people 【which前用逗号,这里的which指代前面整个句子】which the traditional virsion【 version】 fails to do. Whithout【Without】 limitation in space, online encyclopedias provide us with a bewildering amount of information. This variety and diversity is what enthral people.

In summary, the speaker elevates the advantage of online wncyclopedias over the traditional one invoving【involving】 certain aspects as space, accuracy andsecrurity【security】 protection. She thinks there is no need to hold a Luddite attitude, but should embrace the new encyclopedia age that high technology brings about.

整体观点对立点正确,符合原意。

但是单词很多都拼错,希望多加改正。

加油!

INTERGRATED Task

LevelGood

4

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