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免费托福写作批改:关于电影和电视的话题

小站教育为各位考试提供免费在线批改服务,今天托福写作批改板块给各位考生带来的批改是:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and TV programs made in your own country are more interesting comparing to movies and programs made in other countries.

免费托福写作批改前:

Movies and television programs have made their ways to become important roles in our daily life, in the contemporary earth village, people have access to movies and TV series from all countries in the world. Some people prefer domestic movies. However, I would say that foreign movies and television programs are much more interesting than those in our country.

The fans of domestic television programs may argue that programs and movies made in our own country are closer to our real society, such as those programs telling the happy family life in metropolis or the story of those individuals who live in rural areas, thus bring us more entertainment. However, I believe it is an exaggeration to claim that all the television programs and movies produced in our country are indicating our social reality. In fact, our homeland, China, due to her long history, produces more programs based on ancient dynasties. For example, a television program named the biography of Zhenhuan, which is nationwide famous, tells an old story about how a young innocent girl became an evil queen. Since this kind of programs receives more popularity than those based on the contemporary society, the number of movies and programs reflecting social reality is decreasing rapidly.

On the other hand, the television programs and movies made in foreign countries are more interesting because of their complicated plots and better visual effects. More complex plots make audience more willing to continue to enjoy the play. For instance, Prison Break, a popular American drama, really makes me excited every time I watch it, though I know that the leading characters will finally escape, the process of how the criminals find the loopholes of the prison and how they exploit inconspicuous things to reach their goal is so complicated and attracting. Moreover, the amazing visual effects give audience a better experience. Many people love the film, Transformers, which receives higher popularity than most of the domestic movies in our country. Despite the fact that the plot of this film is not quite mysterious, but the cool visual effects really make the audience crazy for it. Even until now, hardly can I forget how amazed I was about the episodes of transformers. And I have to admit that our country cannot surpass the United States easily in this aspect because of the huge gap between movie technologies. To make things worse, unlike Japan, our government does not give priority to the development of film industry, fewer and fewer people devote themselves to this field. Consequently, few of our domestic movies or television programs can transcend those visual entertainments made in other countries.

Though there are lots of interesting movies and television programs in our country, it is undeniable that those produced in other countries are better than ours both in the plots and in the visual effects. Now we are trying to make our own movies and television programs more attractive, however, there is still a long way to go before we catch up with other countries.

免费托福写作批改后:

Movies and television programs have made their ways to become important roles in our daily life, in the contemporary earth village, 【你一个句子还没有说完,主语不要转换太快;来那个句子连起来的话,最起码要有个链接词】people have access to movies and TV series from all countries in the world. Some people prefer domestic movies. However, I would say that foreign movies and television programs are much more interesting than those in our country.【中规中矩如题快,亮的观点也明确,下次记得多花些心思在句型,词汇上面做好门面效果会更好哦。】

The fans of domestic television programs may argue that programs and movies made in our own country are closer to our real society, such as those programs telling the happy family life in metropolis or the story【复数】of those individuals who live in rural areas, thus bring us more entertainment. 【分论据这点总洁性要强 而且尽量要出彩】However, I believe it is an exaggeration to claim that all the television programs and movies produced in our country are indicating our social reality. In fact, our homeland, China, due to her long history, produces more programs based on ancient dynasties. For example, a television program named the biography of Zhenhuan, which is nationwide famous, tells an old story about how a young innocent girl became an evil queen. Since this kind of programs receives more popularity than those based on the contemporary society, the number of movies and programs reflecting social reality is decreasing rapidly.【例子后面解释论证的东西有点少 ,是这样的 如果段落里你的结合四路中南横已经很清楚了 结尾时随便你怎么样;但是如果中间不是很强处的话 最基本的论证流程你还是要有的 分论点 论证 例子 过度 结论回到分论点】

On the other hand, the television programs and movies made in foreign countries are more interesting because of their complicated plots and better visual effects. 【不够出彩 这里一定要用上好的句型跟闪光词汇 做好面子活】More complex plots make audience more willing to continue to enjoy the play. For instance, Prison Break, a popular American drama, really makes me excited every time I watch it, though I know that the leading characters will finally escape, the process of how the criminals find the loopholes of the prison and how they exploit inconspicuous things to reach their goal is so complicated and attracting. Moreover, the amazing visual effects give audience a better experience. Many people love the film, Transformers, which receives higher popularity than most of the domestic movies in our country. Despite the fact that the plot of this film is not quite mysterious, but the cool visual effects really make the audience crazy for it. Even until now, hardly can I forget how amazed I was about the episodes of transformers. And I have to admit that our country cannot surpass the United States easily in this aspect because of the huge gap between movie technologies. To make things worse, unlike Japan, our government does not give priority to the development of film industry, fewer and fewer people devote themselves to this field. Consequently, few of our domestic movies or television programs can transcend those visual entertainments made in other countries.【这段可以 理由充分 句子流畅 就是后面稍微有点啰嗦】

Though there are lots of interesting movies and television programs in our country, it is undeniable that those produced in other countries are better than ours both in the plots and in the visual effects. Now we are trying to make our own movies and television programs more attractive, however, there is still a long way to go before we catch up with other countries.

整体还是可以的,关键部分做好美化面子工程,开头可以再设计一下。

托福热点 托福听力 托福阅读 托福写作 托福口语
2015托福要求 听力必备 题型汇总 写作误区 提分要素
托福费用调整 突发应变 陷阱剖析 问题整理 范文精选
考题趋势预测 实用技巧 必备技巧 素材汇总 口语模板
考位选取技巧 高频短语 精准定位 满分定律 逻辑思维
考前如何准备 生词应对 阅读提速 话题展开 突击提分

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