免费托福写作批改：关于工作的话题

Company should use public recognition, not money to reward hard working.

免费托福写作批改前：

Taking minimum life guarantee and wide-spreading price inflation into consideration, we humankind, imperatively use every possible means to earn money when public recognition is seemingly dispensable. Also, those consequences following with earning money looks way attractive than those with public recognition. Therefore, numerous people insist that they are, merely, motivated by money when they are working hard. However, public recognition should be the first priority when a company is trying to positively impel its employee rather than money, for money is a rapier. As long as money is used to inspire people to work hard, to some extent, it would dampen people's enthusiasm. Weighing the advantages and disadvantages, from my perspective, company should firmly use public recognition rather than money to reward hard working.

Initially, public recognition could subconsciously encourage people to be continuously hard-working. Public recognition, invariably, could reward people of their hard working. In other words, the positive effect caused by obtaining public recognition is profound and everlasting. However, the effect brought by money would sooner or later fade out, because money is consumable. According to the survey made by China Daily, 89 percent of people were found being unemployed and depressed after running out of the money gained through lottery. The reasons towards this result is not far to seek. Most people's wills of working hard are lulled no sooner than being rewarded by money. Hence, on no account can a company ignore the importance of public recognition when rewarding their employee. With the help of public recognition, people tend to feel confident and good about themselves and are more likely to mobilize all positive factors when they are working. In this way, public recognition is the more appropriate choice for the long run.

Plus, public recognition helps people to release their tremendously mental pressure brought by the drastically developing society. Admittedly, our rapidly developing society not only benefits us, but also exerts negative mental pressure on us. When there is nothing else we can do to change the existing circumstance, releasing our mental stress is the sole way for us. Fortunately, the public recognition could provide us easy access to release our stress, when we barely cannot hold our depression in leash. Take my personal experience as a typical example. At the end of last semester, I was kind of submerged by my assignments, like the presentation of Educational psychology, the paper of Pedagogical Grammar course and etc. Frankly, I was in despair, for I could figure out the reason why I have to do so many tasks when others were having fun. Thanks to the class leadership prize that I awarded, I finally figured out that the feeling brought by public recognition is the very first motivation for me to work hard.

Last, public recognition is the most economical award a company could afford when there are still lots of programs to run. Saving money by awarding employee public recognition, by and large, enables the company to minimize its budget. More importantly, more money could be used to run whole company. For instance, my uncle company was in an economic crisis last year. Because of my uncle's generous personality, he used money to award his employee all the time before this crisis. However, there are quite a few employee quitted their job with no reason stated. In order to pass this crisis, my uncle cut back expenditure by fifteen percent and awarded employee no money but a heartfelt party with full sincere. It turned out that the crisis passed shorter than expectation and none employee quitted their jobs during that crisis, for public recognition worked during that time. Therefore, public recognition, to some extent, is better award than money when people are aware the importance of it.

Based on those discussions mentioned above, I think, company should firmly use public recognition rather than money to reward hard working, because public recognition is better for the long run, more economical, and reduces mental pressure.

免费托福写作批改后：

Taking minimum life guarantee and wide-spreading price inflation into consideration, we humankind, imperatively use every possible means to earn money when public recognition is seemingly dispensable. Also, those consequences following with earning money looks way attractive than those with public recognition. Therefore, numerous people insist that they are, merely, motivated by money when they are working hard. However, public recognition should be the first priority when a company is trying to positively impel its employee rather than money, for money is a rapier. As long as money is used to inspire people to work hard, to some extent, it would dampen people's enthusiasm. Weighing the advantages and disadvantages, from my perspective, company should firmly use public recognition rather than money to reward hard working.【第一段入题一定要快 亮明的观点也要明确 千万不要拖拉】

Initially, public recognition could subconsciously encourage people to be continuously hard-working. Public recognition, invariably, could reward people of their hard working. In other words, the positive effect caused by obtaining public recognition is profound and everlasting. However, the effect brought by money would sooner or later fade out, because money is consumable. According to the survey made by China Daily, 89 percent of people were found being unemployed and depressed after running out of the money gained through lottery. The reasons towards this result is not far to seek. Most people's wills of working hard are lulled no sooner than being rewarded by money. Hence, on no account can a company ignore the importance of public recognition when rewarding their employee. With the help of public recognition, people tend to feel confident and good about themselves and are more likely to mobilize all positive factors when they are working. In this way, public recognition is the more appropriate choice for the long run. 【整体式额可以的 分论点精炼 论证完整 语言表达难度也可以 ;就是看上去好累啊 精炼点好不好再 有的地方只是重复没有实际意义】

Plus, public recognition helps 【这个太烂了，同类表达你就用诸如contribute to,be conductive to,enable,facilitate好了】people to release their tremendously mental pressure brought by the drastically developing society. Admittedly, our rapidly developing society not only benefits us, but also exerts negative mental pressure on us. When there is nothing else we can do to change the existing circumstance, releasing our mental stress is the sole way for us. Fortunately, the public recognition could provide us easy access to release our stress, when we barely cannot hold our depression in leash. Take my personal experience as a typical example. At the end of last semester, I was kind of submerged by my assignments, like the presentation of Educational psychology, the paper of Pedagogical Grammar course and etc. Frankly, I was in despair, for I could figure out the reason why I have to do so many tasks when others were having fun. Thanks to the class leadership prize that I awarded, I finally figured out that the feeling brought by public recognition is the very first motivation for me to work hard. 【可以，论证比例再调整一下，例子断电，开头解释论证少点 结尾例子后面再多点】

Last, public recognition is the most economical award a company could afford when there are still lots of programs to run. 【分论据这点总洁性要强 而且尽量要出彩】Saving money by awarding employee public recognition, by and large, enables the company to minimize its budget. More importantly, more money could be used to run whole company. For instance, my uncle company was in an economic crisis last year. Because of my uncle's generous personality, he used money to award his employee all the time before this crisis. However, there are quite a few employee quitted their job with no reason stated. In order to pass this crisis, my uncle cut back expenditure by fifteen percent and awarded employee no money but a heartfelt party with full sincere. It turned out that the crisis passed shorter than expectation and none employee quitted their jobs during that crisis, for public recognition worked during that time. Therefore, public recognition, to some extent, is better award than money when people are aware the importance of it.【论证方法可以多样】

Based on those discussions mentioned above, I think, company should firmly use public recognition rather than money to reward hard working, because public recognition is better for the long run, more economical, and reduces mental pressure.

表达上，关键部分在借鉴一下优秀论文的分论点句；熟练你就得心应手了，废话不多说，祝考试顺利哦。