免费托福写作批改：新旧朋友间的选择

Q: Do you agree with the statement?It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

免费托福写作批改前：

Old friends are those who know you better than yourself, are those who withstood the vicissitudes of life with you and are those who stayed with you when you are at your lowest point. While keeping old friends is of great importance, by no means should it outweigh the necessity of making new friends. There are intellectual and emotional reasons for my view.

First and foremost, in terms of intelligence, old friends are not necessarily the ones that can offer you best advices. As a matter of fact, one made friends even when he was in the kindergarten, where he was too young to tell the right from wrong and only made friends for personal likes. Under many circumstances, by keeping touch with each other, some of these friends last long throughout the adulthood. But there is no guarantee that those friends we made ten or twenty years ago all turned out to be adults with the same level of integrity and intelligence that we may possess and hence generating the barrier in communicating or in the urgent situations where we need wise advices. Thus, one should give priority to making new friends, especially when he reaches maturity. According to a recent research conducted by an International Studies University in China, among 160 CEOs the research covered in Shanghai, 130 of them have a habit of constantly making new friends through negotiations, meetings or other occasions. It goes without saying that choosing people with similar educational backgrounds and life experiences as friends benefits us in a long term.

What's more, emotionally speaking, making new friends opens new horizons as well as brings new dynamics to our lives. For instance, when I worked in the US last summer, I made friend with an American who was 60 years old and was about to retire from his former job as a tax accounting for the US government. At that time I was busy preparing for the TOEFL exam and all other kinds of exams with different names. And all I could think of was the promising future awaiting for me once I applied myself and accomplished all those tests. Therefore I was really astonished why a gentleman like him would enjoy doing the outdoor job like us, receiving the paycheck of minimum wage while he could make a lot more had he not quit. His answer was simple: ' I am tired of doing that job for 40 years and now I want to enjoy my life.’What he said was truly inspiring to me and changed me to a certain degree. Hustle and bustle as we young people nowadays may be, we should never deny ourselves the pressure of enjoying life, in fact, what could be more important than that? I would not have known this if I had not made the new friend.

Granted, old friends understand us better since they have known us for a long time. Nevertheless, it is by virtue of the process of making new friends that we open our hearts to let new people in andnot long enough, they will be as familiar with us as any old friend would be.

In the final analysis, the importance of keeping old friends should not outweigh that of making new friends. It is the latter that brings us more benefits, intelligently and emotionally.

免费托福写作批改后：

Old friends are those who know you better than yourself, are those who withstood the vicissitudes of life with you and are those who stayed with you when you are at your lowest point【are不用一直重复】. While keeping old friends is of great importance, by no means should it outweigh the necessity of making new friends.【这个转折有点大，前面还说老朋友多么多么重要，没有任何铺垫就说它绝没有交新朋友重要】 There are intellectual and emotional reasons for my view.

First and foremost, in terms of intelligence, old friends are not necessarily the ones that can offer you best advices. As a matter of fact, one made friends even when he was in the kindergarten, where he was too young to tell the right from wrong and only made friends for personal likes. Under many circumstances, by keeping touch with each other, some of these friends last long throughout the adulthood. But there is no guarantee that those friends we made ten or twenty years ago all turned out to be adults with the same level of integrity and intelligence that we may possess and hence generating the barrier in communicating or in the urgent situations where we need wise advices. Thus, one should give priority to making new friends, especially when he reaches maturity. According to a recent research conducted by an International Studies University in China, among 160 CEOs the research covered in Shanghai, 130 of them have a habit of constantly making new friends through negotiations, meetings or other occasions. It goes without saying that choosing people with similar educational backgrounds and life experiences as friends benefits us in a long term.【论点不错】

What's more, emotionally speaking, making new friends opens new horizons as well as brings new dynamics to our lives. For instance, when I worked in the US last summer, I made friend with an American who was 60 years old and was about to retire from his former job as a tax accounting for the US government. At that time I was busy preparing for the TOEFL exam and all other kinds of exams with different names. And all I could think of was the promising future awaiting for me once I applied myself and accomplished all those tests【这些细节并不那么重要，不必花那么多篇幅，挑重点说就好】. Therefore I was really astonished why a gentleman like him would enjoy doing the outdoor job like us, receiving the paycheck of minimum wage while he could make a lot more had he not quit【?】. His answer was simple: ' I am tired of doing that job for 40 years and now I want to enjoy my life.’What he said was truly inspiring to me and changed me to a certain degree. Hustle and bustle as we young people nowadays may be, we should never deny ourselves the pressure of enjoying life, in fact, what could be more important than that? I would not have known this if I had not made the new friend.

Granted, old friends understand us better since they have known us for a long time. Nevertheless, it is by virtue of the process of making new friends that we open our hearts to let new people in andnot long enough, they will be as familiar with us as any old friend would be.

In the final analysis, the importance of keeping old friends should not outweigh that of making new friends. It is the latter that brings us more benefits, intelligently and emotionally.【后面两段可以归到conclusion里面，合为一段就好了】

【语言运用还是比较熟练的，表达流畅。需注意一下的是详略得当和篇幅段落控制的问题】