免费托福写作批改：经济危机下该舍弃什么？

小站教育为各位考试提供免费在线批改服务，今天托福写作批改板块给各位考生带来的批改是：In times of an economic crisis,in which area should the government reduce its spending? 1. Education 2. Health care 3. Support for theunemployed.

免费托福写作批改前——学生原文

When it comes to the economic crisis,the government vexes, people panic and the unemployed complain. In this very darkest time, what should we do to cope with this inevitable dilemma? After balancing the three possible solutions, education and the support for the unemployed may overweigh the health care.

Firstly, the positive effect of education lasts a long time and if there is any negligence in education, the consequence can be irrecoverable. Once a student passes his suitable age for studying, it’s impossible to put him back to the class to make up what he has missed. It is tantamount to strip them of their rights to attain quality education. Otherwise, cutting down the spending in education may cause more graduates not competent for the job. In this way, unemployment will be aggravated and there won’t be any improvement of the economic circumstances. In brief, limiting the cost on education might meet the pressing need but it is a decision which we will regret a lot in the future.

Secondly, shrinking the support for the unemployed may lead to the proliferation of the crime rate. When people are driven into a corner, they tend to be irrational and lose their mind to commit felonies. It will definitely lead to the instability of the society. In a great economic crisis, most of the citizens involved are already short of income, struggling desperately just for fulfilling the stomach, what can be worse than if they can’t feel the sense of security anymore in the society? Besides, the support for those who lose their jobs in the crisis doesn’t simply mean distributing the allowance to them. There are tons of other approaches, such as creating new jobs for them or passing some preferential policies in taxes to relieve their burden which may play a significant role in an economic recovery and help the unemployed come through all the setbacks.

Lastly, the conditions of health care have been improved a lot during recent years. Thanks to the advancing medical technology,many terminal diseases in the past can be detected and cured today. Besides, the chance of fatal illness is still tiny and the economic recession usually just last for a short term. The influence of the reduction in health care is not too much and the sacrifice is worthwhile. Therefore,compared to the other two suggestions, we can reduce the spending on health care within a reasonable range in this kind of special period.

I have to admit education, health care and the support for unemployment all count so much for a country. But if we have to cut down the input in those three aspects, health care might be the only left choice we can pick up.

免费托福写作批改后

When it comes to the economic crisis,the government vexes, people panic and the unemployed complain. In this very darkest time, what should we do to cope with this inevitable dilemma? After balancing the three possible solutions, education and the support for the unemployed may overweigh the health care.【可以】

Firstly, the positive effect of education lasts a long time and if there is any negligence in education, the consequence can be irrecoverable. Once a student passes his suitable age for studying, it’s impossible to put him back to the class to make up what he has missed. It is tantamount to strip them of their rights to attain quality education. Otherwise, cutting down the spending in education may cause more graduates not competent for the job. In this way, unemployment will be aggravated and there won’t be any improvement of the economic circumstances. In brief, limiting the cost on education might meet the pressing need but it is a decision which we will regret a lot in the future.【你简单流畅的句子 和严谨的逻辑 是托福外国阅卷人所喜欢的 继续保持】

Secondly, shrinking the support for the unemployed may lead to the proliferation of the crime rate.【分论点就喜欢你这样简洁大方的 句子难度 闪光词汇 都有 继续保持】When people are driven into a corner, they tend to be irrational and lose their mind to commit felonies. It will definitely lead to the instability of the society. In a great economic crisis, most of the citizens involved are already short of income, struggling desperately just for fulfilling the stomach, what can be worse than if they can’t feel the sense of security anymore in the society? Besides, the support for those who lose their jobs in the crisis doesn’t simply mean distributing the allowance to them. There are tons of other approaches, such as creating new jobs for them or passing some preferential policies in taxes to relieve their burden which may play a significant role in an economic recovery and help the unemployed come through all the setbacks.【整体都是不错的 论证啊 句子语言词汇逗号 避免偶尔的口语不严谨】

Lastly, the conditions of health care have been improved a lot during recent years.【三个分论点出发 表达简短有力很好】Thanks to the advancing medical technology,many terminal diseases in the past can be detected and cured today. Besides, the chance of fatal illness is still tiny and the economic recession usually just last for a short term. The influence of the reduction in health care is not too much and the sacrifice is worthwhile. Therefore,compared to the other two suggestions, we can reduce the spending on health care within a reasonable range in this kind of special period.

I have to admit education, health care and the support for unemployment all count so much for a country. But if we have to cut down the input in those three aspects, health care might be the only left choice we can pick up.

高分舍你其谁！其实托福外国阅卷人对我们的作文要求程度不是很高，不会像本国老师这么注重雕琢，他们追求的是自然流畅。

你这篇文章就做到了！虽然不是特别出彩，但是结构逻辑神马的都符合了！加油，祝你好运！

25分