In many countries, good school and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teacher and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years. What is your view?
学生原文：
Admittedly, there are big gaps between urban areas and rural areas especially in education and medical treatment. People from rural areas have more difficulties in accessing good universities and hospitals compared with city people. Whether the universities graduates who become doctors and teachers should work in rural areas for some time is highly debatable. My opinion is that this suggestion is practical.
Obviously, there are some benefits to the fresh graduates who work as doctors and teachers in rural areas. For example, they can enhance their physical and mental health by experiencing hard life and circumstance which is totally different from the comfortable life in city. They would become strong and independent if they survival from the tough life in rural area, thereby making them more prepared when they face challenges in future. Secondly, the sense of responsibility to the whole society will be developed by helping with others. They will feel proud by helping with others, which makes the society more civilized. Furthermore, they would be more skilled in teaching and diagnosing comparing with their colleagues in cities as they have more chance to practice.
Not only will the fresh graduates be beneficial from such idea, but also the local residents. They can receive more formal education and better treatment. Theoretically, the disparity between cities and rural areas could be reduced effectively by implementing such idea.
However, every coin has two sides. The side effect of this idea is also outstanding as the fresh graduates may lack of competitiveness due to the rural areas are lack of experienced staff and good facilities to supervise and support them. They may lack of knowledge of advanced facilities and systematic teaching method which make them difficult to readapt the new working environment when they go back to cities after several years. Moreover, some of them may treat their job negatively as they are not willing to go to rural areas.
Therefore, it is not wise to send all the fresh doctors and teachers to rural areas to work for a few years. The freedom of choice should be left to themselves. The government should raise some good policies to encourage those who are willing to help and support rural areas. For instance, providing free training and giving extra allowance to the volunteers would be feasible measures.
小站教育老师批改后：
Admittedly, there are big gaps between urban areas and rural areas especially in education and medical treatment. People from rural areas have more difficulties in accessing good universities and hospitals compared with city people.【背景介绍】Whether the universities graduates who become doctors and teachers should work in rural areas for some time is highly debatable. 【改写题目】My opinion is that this suggestion is practical.【自己的观点】
第一段写的非常好，严格按照背景介绍——改写题目——自己的观点 这个层次去写，内容很充实。
Obviously, there are some benefits to the fresh graduates who work as doctors and teachers in rural areas. For example, 【Firstly,与下文的secondly对应，这样结构上会紧凑点】they can enhance their physical and mental health by experiencing hard life and circumstance which is totally different from the comfortable life in city. They would become strong and independent if they survival from the tough life in rural area, thereby making them more prepared when they face challenges in future. Secondly, the sense of responsibility to the whole society will be developed by helping with others. They will feel proud by helping with others, which makes the society more civilized. 【这一点阐述的不到位，具体为什么可以增强他们的责任感你要细讲】Furthermore, (Last but not least)they would be more skilled in teaching and diagnosing comparing with their colleagues in cities as they have more chance to practice.
【此外，可以把选取两点内容分开来，两段详细阐释，比较好,更有说服力。不然这样子结构上可能不够紧凑，而且阐述的都不够到位。】
Not only will the fresh graduates be beneficial from such idea, but also the local residents. (亮点句式)They can receive more formal education and better treatment. Theoretically, the disparity between cities and rural areas could be reduced effectively by implementing such idea.
However, every coin has two sides. The side effect of this idea is also outstanding as the fresh graduates may lack of competitiveness due to the rural areas are lack of experienced staff and good facilities to supervise and support them. 【due to后面接名词，不是句子，the rural areas lack of experienced staff and good facilities to supervise and support them】They may lack of(in) knowledge of advanced facilities and systematic teaching method which make them difficult to readapt the new working environment when they go back to cities after several years. Moreover, some of them may treat their job negatively as they are not willing to go to rural areas.
Therefore, it is not wise to send all the fresh doctors and teachers to rural areas to work for a few years. 【这一句总结的很得体到位】The freedom of choice should be left to themselves. The government should raise some good policies to encourage those who are willing to help and support rural areas. For instance, providing free training and giving extra allowance to the volunteers would be feasible measures.
估分：6.5
评价：论证结构还需要再优化，同时让自己的每一个分论点可以得到更充分的阐述。另外一些细节也要注意，写好后读一遍。
