免费托福写作批改：鼓励十几岁的儿童兼职好吗？

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

免费托福写作批改前——学生原文：

Due to the complexity of the society, an increasing number of parents are urging their children to take a part-time job in order to prepare better for adult life. But there is a substantial divergence of the effect of part-time job. Some opponents argue that children with part-time job may lose the sufficient study time and relaxing time. But as far as I am concerned, parents encourage their children to take a part-time job is one of the best ways for children to prepare for adult life.

First and foremost, children can learn lot of knowledge they cannot get from school class during our part-time job. Take being a waiter as an example. Youngsters can not only learn how to order food for customers, but also can contact various kinds of customers and people they work with. What's more, adolescence can deeply understand how to get along with difficult people and how to avoid conflict during working. These are all necessities for children living in society. Only when children work as a waiter, they can really understand the rules of the service industry, solve the practical problems, and eventually be mature. It's evidential that a part-time job is a excellent preparation for adult life.

Moreover, part-time jobs can make young people more independent. Many tasks of part-time jobs are challenging and hard to accomplish. Unlike the tasks youngsters confront with in the school, the tasks of jobs often don't have a specific right answer. They need to set up a bridge between theories and reality without teachers' or classmates' help, and find the best solution to the problem. Maybe it's a little difficult for a freshman, but it's the best for their improvement of their working skills and strain capacity. Correspondingly, no matter in the studying and life, children will be more independent. It's obvious that a part-time job is one of the best ways for children to prepare for adult life.

Last but not least, a part-time job indeed occupies some spare time which children could use for studying or relaxing. But it's undeniable that part-time jobs are meaningful for their future job searching. In this fast-paced society, employers prefer talents who have various skills to people who only have a good grade. Therefore, youngsters need to pay their relaxing time and perspiration for more skills and experience, more important, for their better life. A proper part-time job can provide multiple knowledge and experience. They can facilitate children to reach the standard of the talents. Consequently, it's helpful to youngsters' job searching. So, I support that a part-time job is good for children preparing for adult life.

To be concluded, a part-time job truly has plenty of benefits. It can provide various skills, make children independent, and contribute to children's job searching. So, to encourage their teenage children to take a part-time job is one of the best ways that parents can help.

免费托福写作批改后：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Due to the complexity of the society, an increasing number of parents are urging their children to take a part-time job in order to prepare better for adult life. But there is a substantial divergence of the effect of part-time job. Some opponents argue that children with part-time job may lose the sufficient study time and relaxing time. But as far as I am concerned, parents encourage their children to take a part-time job is one of the best ways for children to prepare for adult life【观点表述直接明确~不错哦~继续保持哦~】.

First and foremost, children can learn【+ a】 lot of knowledge they cannot get from school class during our【改为: their】 part-time job【这个是个很好的论点，能较好的论证自己的观点~~】.Take being a waiter as an example. Youngsters can not only learn how to order food for customers, but also can contact various kinds of customers and people they work with. What's more, adolescence【改为: adolescents】 can deeply understand how to get along with difficult people and how to avoid conflict during working. These are all necessities for children living in society. Only when children work as a waiter, they can really understand the rules of the service industry, solve the practical problems, and eventually be mature. It's evidential that a part-time job is a【改为: an】 excellent preparation for adult life.

Moreover, part-time jobs can make young people more independent【这也是个不错的角度，是 taking part-time job的一个优势哦~】. Many tasks of part-time jobs are challenging and hard to accomplish. Unlike the tasks youngsters confront with in the school, the tasks of jobs often don't have a specific right answer. They need to set up a bridge between theories and reality without teachers' or classmates' help, and find the best solution to the problem. Maybe it's a little difficult for a freshman, but it's the best for their【改为: the】improvement of their working skills and strain capacity. Correspondingly, no matter in the studying and life, children will be more independent. It's obvious that a part-time job is one of the best ways for children to prepare for adult life.

Last but not least, a part-time job indeed occupies some spare time which children could use for studying or relaxing. But it's undeniable that part-time jobs are meaningful for their future job searching【这个角度也很新颖~是个不错的论点~哦~鼓掌】. In this fast-paced society, employers prefer talents who have various skills to【改为: than】people who only have a good grade. Therefore, youngsters need to pay their relaxing time and perspiration for more skills and experience, more important, for their better life. A proper part-time job can provide multiple knowledge and experience. They can facilitate children to reach the standard of the talents. Consequently, it's helpful to youngsters' job searching. So, I support that a part-time job is good for children preparing for adult life.

To be concluded, a part-time job truly has plenty of benefits. It can provide various skills, make children independent, and contribute to children's job searching. So, to encourage their teenage children to take a part-time job is one of the best ways that parents can help.【结论段观点重申较为明确~】

小站教育老师点评：

整体观点明确，论证充分，每个论证段的主题句也都很有说服力~是一片不错的作文！望再接再厉！加油！

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