免费托福写作批改：学校应该更专注于改善设施？

小站教育为各位考试提供免费在线批改服务，今天托福写作批改板块给各位考生带来的批改是：

Shool should be more focus on improving facilities (libraries computers or labs) for students than on hiring teachers.

免费托福写作批改前——学生原文

Education is a perpetual topic in contemporary society. One indisputable fact is that schools play an important role in people’s learning process and to attend an outstanding school can just guarantee a solid foundation to one’s future. So, there is no wonder that people and schools are invariably faced with such a question: how to establish a extraordinary school and which aspect should be paid more attention and investment on between facilities and good teachers? From my perspective, the answer should vary depend on the studying stage.

To begin with, a patient and good-mannered teachers should overweight some advanced facilities in elementary school, when students have not well established their values and often are less disciplined. So, on the one hand, teachers in primary school not only serve to spread knowledge and expand pupils’ horizon, but they also act as behavior models to those small kids, leading them to a right direction and correcting their bad behaviors. As a matter of fact, it is a high demanding occupation and I can illustrate it through one of my personal experience. When I was in college, I took a part-time job as a volunteer teacher in a rural primary school for a summer holiday. At first, I took it for granted that the job is easy for me, however, a few days later, I found out that I cannot even keep the whole class quiet and concentrate on my teaching! Not to mention high study efficiency and set a good model for them.

On the other hand, when it comes to the universities, the answer of the above question should be changed. Admittedly, the famous professors do influence much on universities as well as the students in them. Firstly, it is undeniable that knowledgeable professors is the main source for innovation and development in researches, without whom the researches must be suspended. Moreover, they can also help with students’ questions and provide alternative solutions for their academic troubles. However, we should also realize that in this rapid developing society, most scientific researches can not be fulfilled without advanced equipment, simultaneously, those facilities can also help to attract more pretigue teachers. Furthermore, the students in universities can keep a better self-control and have the ability to distinguish right from error, and it is also encouraged to learn by themselves, which can also explain why a huge library is always regarded as the basic feature of the good university.

To sum up, based on the analysis mentioned above, we can safely concluded that teacher and facilities are not mutually exclusive in the development of a school, what we should do is to make reasonable arrangement depending on the reality to maximize the benefits.

免费托福写作批改后：

Education is a perpetual topic in contemporary society. One indisputable fact is that schools play an important role in people’s learning process and to attend an outstanding school can just guarantee a solid foundation to one’s future. So, there is no wonder that people and schools are invariably faced with such a question: how to establish a extraordinary school and which aspect should be paid more attention and investment on between facilities and good teachers?【后面的between......可考虑放前面或换一种说法】From my perspective, the answer should vary depend on the studying stage.【虽然有点长，但开篇引入的效果不错】

To begin with, a patient and good-mannered teachers【a teachers?】 should overweight some advanced facilities in elementary school, when students have not well established their values and often are less disciplined. So, on the one hand, teachers in primary school not only serve to spread【impart】knowledge and expand pupils’ horizon, but they also act as behavior models to those small【little】kids, leading them to a right direction and correcting their bad behaviors. As a matter of fact, it is a high demanding occupation and I can illustrate it through one of my personal experience. When I was in college, I took a part-time job as a volunteer teacher in a rural primary school for a summer holiday. At first, I took it for granted that the job is easy for me, however, a few days later, I found out that I cannot even【even could not】keep the whole class quiet and【or】concentrate on my teaching! Not to mention high study efficiency and set【or setting】a good model for them. 【注意细节嘛，否定句中的and 要换为or】

On the other hand, when it comes to the universities, the answer of the above question should be changed. 【change成什么样最好在开头说一下】Admittedly, the famous professors do influence much on universities as well as the students in them【可去掉】. Firstly, it is undeniable that knowledgeable professors is【注意主谓一致】the main source for innovation and development in researches, without whom the researches must be suspended. Moreover, they can also help with students’ questions and provide alternative solutions for their academic troubles. However, we should also realize that in this rapid developing society, most scientific researches can not be fulfilled without advanced equipment, simultaneously, those facilities can also help to attract more pretigue teachers. Furthermore, the students in universities can keep a better self-control and have the ability to distinguish right from error, and it is also encouraged to learn by themselves, which can also explain why a huge【huge就太夸张了，换个词把】library is always regarded as the basic feature of the good university.【既然这一段的重点是facilities，那就别花太多篇幅去写professor】

To sum up, based on the analysis mentioned above, we can safely concluded that teacher and facilities are not mutually exclusive in the development of a school, what we should do is to make reasonable arrangement depending on the reality to maximize the benefits.

【立意比较新颖，论述过程也不错，有条理有逻辑。还是需要注意下细节】

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