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免费托福写作批改:技术对儿童的影响

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Do you agree of disgree with the following statement.Technology has made children less creative than in the past.

免费托福写作批改前——学生原文:

An increasing number of people realize a question that whether children nowadays are more creative than in the past with the rapid development of technology. Some people believe that technology allows them to imagine freely and discover whatever they desire, while others claims that better living conditions undermine their inspiration and potential. In my view, I surely disagree with the statement that technology has made children less creative for several critical reasons.

To begin with, amazing development of technology make children to learn things from various angles, in different ways, and therefore more likely to produce new ideas by their own. Newton, a world-renowned scientist, who discovered several regulations in the field of physics and published a great deal of fascinating theories, once said he was standing on the giants' shoulders. Were there no engaging discoveries and excellent scientists before him and guiding him, he couldn't have been as successful as he really was. Though he might be modest to some extent, he actually demonstrated the significance of other technology advances to the new progresses. Thus, technology provides more opportunities for children to think of the world in a logical way and to create new marvels.

What's more, technology offers available scientific devices to complete researches more precisely and conveniently. In the past, people created things usually by sudden inspiration or just thinking and calculating manually. They barely did accurate scientific or social researches because of the lack of computers and other electronic devices. On the contrary, in contemporary world, it is difficult for children and students to complete their homework or academic projects without technology even though they are thoughtful and intelligent. As an example, they are able to search information on the internet, exchange ideas on the BBS, and analyze data with functional graphical software. All of these will be indispensible factors to make children more creative.

To sum up, these are the conspicuous ones among the countless evidences. Though in the past there were more undiscovered content for children to explore, now technology plays a more essential part for them to create new ideas. Inevitably, we must acknowledge the importance of technology and make good use of it to create a better future.

免费托福写作批改后:

An increasing number of people realize a question that whether children nowadays are more creative than in the past with the rapid development of technology【总觉得这个表达不太恰当】.Some people believe that technology allows them to imagine freely and discover whatever they desire, while others claims that better living conditions undermine their inspiration and potential. In my view, I surely disagree with the statement that technology has made children less creative for several critical reasons.

To begin with, amazing development of technology make【单数】 children to learn things from various angles, in different ways, and therefore more likely to produce new ideas by their own. Newton, a world-renowned scientist, who discovered several regulations in the field of physics and published a great deal of fascinating theories【Newton是大家都知道的,不必用很多定语去补充说明】, once said he was standing on the giants' shoulders. Were there no engaging discoveries and excellent scientists before him and guiding him, he couldn't have been as successful as he really was. Though he might be modest to some extent, he actually demonstrated the significance of other technology advances to the new progresses. Thus, technology provides more opportunities for children to think of the world in a logical way and to create new marvels.【例子使用得很恰当】

What's more, technology offers available scientific devices to complete researches more precisely and conveniently. In the past, people created things usually by sudden inspiration or just thinking and calculating manually. They barely did accurate scientific or social researches because of the lack of computers and other electronic devices. On the contrary, in contemporary world, it is difficult for children and students to complete their homework or academic projects without technology even though they are thoughtful and intelligent. As an example, they are able to search information on the internet, exchange ideas on the BBS, and analyze data with functional graphical software. All of these will be indispensible factors to make children more creative.【论述比较充分】

To sum up, these are the conspicuous ones among the countless evidences.【这句没必要】Though in the past there were more undiscovered content for children to explore, now technology plays a more essential part for them to create new ideas. Inevitably, we must acknowledge the importance of technology and make good use of it to create a better future.

点评:尽量多阅读范文,模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。多阅读不同类型话题的文章,积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。可以多引用别人的观点内容。阅读范文过程中,注意作者如何反向论证观点。

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