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托福写作批改:11月第二周托福高分作文4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

学生原文:

There have been wide guesses and hot debates about whether we will see an decrease in car number in the future. Personally speaking, I agree that there will be less car use in twenty years for the following reasons.

Firstly, the soaring car number in recent years has created huge burden for our environment and cars, especially private cars, are to blame for environmental issues including global warming and air pollution. Our government has over the years put forward many regulations and stipulations limiting car uses especially in highly-uban densely-populated city such as Beijing. So we can expect even more restrictions in car uses in the years to come.

Secondly, the increasing popularity of public transportations like subways and city buses have come to shadow private cars. People with more environmental perspectives and annoyed by the traffic congestion mainly caused by a large quntity of cars on the road may show more and more preference for those public transportations. Also, the relative cheap price compared with the petroleum and car maintenance cost is another competing strength.

Another important automobile-related problem is parking. I believe most people have had the tough experience of struggling for parking space in parks, malls, living areas and so on and disturbed by the expensive fees for parking and the following difficulty of finding the location where you parked your car. On the other hand, the already limited space occupied by cars causes great inconvenience for regular passing, which may bury the potential risk for accidents.

Last but not the leaast is the overall expenses associated with car uses. Every year our government spends a large amount of money dealing with car-related accidents and other traffic costs. The budget could, otherwise, be used to develop more sophisticated public transpotations and cover other important public issues, which could obviously generate better cost-benefit effects in the long run.

In conclusion, it is my expectation as well as my wish, wich may echo so mant others, to see reduced car use in twenty years.

   小站教育老师批改后:

There have been wide guesses and hot debates about whether we will see an【a】decrease in car number in the future. Personally speaking, I agree that there will be less car use【fewer cars in use】 in twenty years for the following reasons.

Firstly, the soaring car number in recent years has created huge burden for our environment and cars, especially private cars, are to blame for environmental issues including global warming and air pollution. Our government has over the years put forward many regulations and stipulations limiting car uses especially in highly-urbandensely-populated city【cities】such as Beijing. So we can expect even more restrictions in car uses in the years to come.

Secondly, the increasing popularity of public transportations like subways and city buses have come to shadow private cars. People with more environmental perspectives and annoyed by the traffic congestion mainly caused by a large quantity of cars on the road may show more and more preference for those public transportations. Also, the relative cheap price compared with the petroleum and car maintenance cost is another competing strength.

Another important automobile-related problem is parking. I believe most people have had the tough experience of struggling for parking space in parks, malls, 【+and】living areas and so on【.】 and【And they were】 disturbed by the expensive fees for parking and the following difficulty of finding the location where you parked your car【they could park the car,前面的人称是people】. On the other hand, the already limited space occupied by cars causes great inconvenience for regular passing, which may bury the potential risk for accidents.

Last but not the least is the overall expenses associated with car uses. Every year our government spends a large amount of money dealing with car-related accidents and other traffic costs. The budget could, otherwise, be used to develop more sophisticated public transportations and cover other important public issues, which could obviously generate better cost-benefit effects in the long run.

In conclusion, it is my expectation as well as my wish, wich【which】may echo so mant【many】others, to see reduced car use in twenty years.

1. 文章主题明确,段落结构清晰,内容完整、切题

2. 用了四个段落进行论述,段落的组织合理、句子连贯、逻辑严密

3. 词汇、句式变化多,表达流畅

4. 有少数语法错误

Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)

ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK

>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.

>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, asocial, environmental or educational issue).

>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.

>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.

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