Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is more important for the government to construct new buildings than to preserve historic or traditional ones.
学生原文?
Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by a great number of people about whether the government should place more emphasis on conserving historic or traditional buildings and less emphasis on constructing modern ones. While many people might advocate that constructing new mansions can significantly facilitate a city’s modernization, I personally believe that historic or traditional constructions are more precious to a city.
Above all, my main reason is that the historic or traditional constructions cannot be replicated. Even though modern architects can reproduce the superb artistry, the historical meaning cannot be recreated. For example, the yellow crane tower, which was considered to be one of four renowned towers in China, was destroyed by war several decades ago. Although it was rebuilt the same as before currently, it is no longer attractive to tourists anymore. The reason is that people not only appreciate its amazing craft, but also miss its unique historical story. In such aspect, the replication of historic building can never take the place of the original one.
Furthermore, preserving historic or traditional constructions can essentially facilitate the improvement of citizens’ living condition. For one thing, a majority of old houses are in extremely bad shape and poorly equipped. And because of poor economic conditions, many city dwellers are forced to live in there and thus suffer from a terrible living environment. Preserving traditional old house can provide them with healthy living situations. For another thing, no matter how extraordinary the modern mansions are built, the city can still appear messy because of outdated historic building, which can have a chilling effect on the living condition of city inhabitants. Only by conserving and beautifying these old constructions, can the city become tidy and neat.
Admittedly, preserving historic or traditional constructions may cost the government a lot even more than constructing new mansions. Therefore, the financial burden of the government can be increased. However, by preserving these constructions, the city will definitely become more attractive and hence boom the city’s development. An illustrating example is that Xian, which is the capital of China in Qin and Tang dynasty, carefully preserved its historic constructions that ancestors leave to them. As a result, Xian creates billions of dollars by its’ flourishing tourism industry and thus provide the possibility for the government to further develop the city.
In a nutshell, preserving historic and traditional constructions is of great benefit to the city, the citizens and even the government itself. So, it is evident that the city government should spare no effect and pay sufficient attention to the conservation of historic and traditional constructions.
小站教育老师批改后：
Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by a great number of people about whether the government should place more emphasis on conserving historic or traditional buildings and less emphasis on [改为.. buildings instead of …]constructing modern ones. While many people might advocate that constructing new mansions can significantly facilitate a city’s modernization, I personally believe that historic or traditional constructions are more precious to a city. [注意表达的多样性]
Above all, my main reason is that the historic or traditional constructions cannot be replicated. Even though modern architects can reproduce the superb artistry, the historical meaning cannot be recreated. [分析很简练，不错] For example, the yellow crane tower [专名大写], which was considered to be one of four renowned towers in China, was destroyed by war several decades ago. Although it was rebuilt the same as before currently, it is no longer attractive to tourists anymore [不是说就没有吸引力，而是吸引力下降很多].The reason is that people not only appreciate its amazing craft, but also miss its unique historical story. In such aspect, the replication of historic building can never take the place of the original one.
Furthermore, preserving historic or traditional constructions can essentially facilitate the improvement of citizens’ living condition. For one thing, a majority of old houses are in extremely bad shape and poorly equipped. And because of poor economic conditions, many city dwellers are forced to live in there and thus suffer from a terrible living environment. Preserving traditional old house can provide them with healthy living situations. For another thing, no matter how extraordinary the modern mansions are built, the city can still appear messy because of outdated historic building, which can have a chilling effect on the living condition of city inhabitants. Only by conserving and beautifying these old constructions, can the city become tidy and neat. [很有条理，不过建议你第二个小部分那里的意思也提前在主题句中提及，也就是本段第一句话。这样有一个总括的作用]
Admittedly, preserving historic or traditional constructions may cost the government a lot even more than constructing new mansions. Therefore, the financial burden of the government can be increased. However, by preserving these constructions, the city will definitely become more attractive and hence boom the city’s development. An illustrating example is that Xian, which is the capital of China in Qin and Tang dynasty, carefully preserved its historic constructions that ancestors leave to them [them是指代，可前面并未出现过合适的人称]. As a result, Xian creates billions of dollars by its’flourishing tourism industry and thus provide the possibility for the government to further develop the city. [这一点提得很好，表述也不错]
In a nutshell, preserving historic and traditional constructions is of great benefit to the city, the citizens and even the government itself. So, it is evident that the city government should spare no effect and pay sufficient attention to [这两个短语保留一个即可，而且spare no effort的前提肯定是已经pay attention了，所以重复了] the conservation of historic and traditional constructions.
预估分数：4.4
展开不错，但个别地方还是有些不足哈，遵守总-分-总的模式展开会让观点很清楚
表述方面，丰富表达。此外，表述能力还有提升的空间。注意去掉重复啰嗦的成分
