Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government should support artists rather than allow them to support themselves.
学生原文：
Artists are a group of people that use their own mind and thoughts to create beauty. So it is reasonable to say that they should make their living by counting on themselves. Nonetheless, within such a logic lies a different story that artists nowadays really suffer from the reality that ordinary people often cannot understand much about art, thus making artists' creation nowhere to be appreciated. To be specific, artists are now becoming poorer due to the superficial understanding of art of the society.
Tom, a friend of my father, is an artist who really loves art and paintings. He was one of the top students in his class when he was in an art school. However, when he graduated from the art school and went to the work field, he found out that he could not even get a well-paid job but an ordinary teaching job toward a group of kids. With no other way laying before Tom, he chose to stay at that position and taught kids, as patiently as he could. Due to his favor of art, he sustained for 3 years teaching a group of naughty and noisy kids whom he had nothing to teach to but smiling flowers, white clouds and shining stars. Deep in Tom's heart, he dreamed to become a true artist who either travels around the world, sees all the beauty in this world, and captures the landscape in his paintings, or stays in his house and creates work that is truly ingenious. With that being said, he at last surrendered to the reality that his dream work cannot bring him enough money to live a life. However, if the government, which is obligated to make its people live better lives, supports the artists with great ambition and aspiration, it will be a completely different story that artists can all make their dreams come true, and no longer suffer from the poor lives they are not willing to live.
A artist's example is not enough to definitely draw a conclusion that nowadays all the artists need the perquisite from the government. I myself once experienced how poor those artists out in the society were. Last month, I went to Dafen county in Shenzhen, the place where most of the artists gather. Honestly, I felt really sad about them because what I saw there was a mess and a stagnant scene. Most of the art stores were closed, rubbish scattered all the way from the road to the porch. That day, I interviewed some of the artists that still remain there. What I found out truly made me surprised: the artists were no longer painting or creating works because fewer and fewer people were visiting the Dafen county. Even if there came visitors, they couldn't tell what a great picture was so they didn't buy anything before they left. However, if the government pays some money to rebuild the Dafen county, and offers those artists some subsidy, not only the Dafen county will be revived, hundreds of artists will also be saved from poor lives.
In conclusion, I strongly argue that government nowadays should help a group of people with dreams and ambition, not only to make them better lives, but also to save the generation, in which artists still exist, that is about to collapse.
小站教育老师批改后：
Artists are a group of people that use their own mind and thoughts to create beauty. So it is reasonable to say that they should make their living by counting on themselves. Nonetheless, within such a logic lies a different story that artists nowadays really suffer from the reality that ordinary people often cannot [这里用be able to比较合适]understand much about art, thus making artists' creation nowhere to be appreciated. To be specific, artists are now becoming poorer due to the superficial understanding of art of the society. [开头尽量简洁一些]
Tom, a friend of my father, is an artist who really loves art and paintings. He was one of the top students in his class when he was in an art school. However, when he graduated from the art school and went to the work field, he found out that he could not even get a well-paid job but an ordinary teaching job toward a group of kids. With no other way laying [lying]before Tom, he chose to stay at that position and taught kids, as patiently as he could. Due to his favor of art, he sustained for 3 years teaching a group of naughty and noisy kids whom he had nothing to teach to but smiling flowers, white clouds and shining stars. Deep in Tom's heart, he dreamed to become a true artist who either travels around the world, sees[这里用looks for] all the beauty in this world, and captures the landscape in his paintings, or stays in his house and creates work that is truly ingenious. With that being said, he at last surrendered to the reality that his dream work cannot bring him enough money to live a life. However, if the government, which is obligated to make its people live better lives, supports the artists with great ambition and aspiration, it will be a completely different story that artists can all make their dreams come true, and no longer suffer from the poor lives they are not willing to live. [用一个实例来引入是不错，但是可否简洁一些呢]
A [an]artist's example is not enough to definitely draw a[the] conclusion that nowadays all the artists need the perquisite from the government. I myself once experienced how poor those artists out[这个out放在这里是什么意思呢] in the society were. Last month, I went to Dafen county[专名大写] in Shenzhen, the place where most of the artists gather. Honestly, I felt really sad about them because what I saw there was a mess and a stagnant scene. Most of the art stores were closed, rubbish scattered all the way from the road to the porch. That day, I interviewed some of the artists that still remain there. What I found out truly made me surprised: the artists were no longer painting or creating works because fewer and fewer people were visiting the Dafen county. Even if there came visitors, they couldn't tell what a great picture was so they didn't buy anything before they left. However, if the government pays some money to rebuild the Dafen county, and offers those artists some subsidy, not only the Dafen county will be revived, hundreds of artists will also be saved from poor lives.
In conclusion, I strongly argue that government nowadays should help a group of people with dreams and ambition, not only to make them better lives, but also to save the generation, in which artists still exist, that is about to collapse.
预估分数：4.3
你的文章风格很像一篇新闻报道，有一些西方媒体的风格，但对于一篇托福作文来说，就比较罗嗦了。而且你能保证在规定时间内写完吗
表达上比较流畅，不过亮点并不多，所以还是要继续积累的。
