Some people argue that government shouldsupport the funds for arts, whileothers suggest that money should be spend on pubilc health andeducation,discuss both vies and give your opinion.
学生原文：
As living standard of humans on a global scale is improving ,people has more leisure time than ever before; therefore,they have more opportunities to enjoy the beauty of art. Many people argue that government should allocate more money arts to underpine the development of art,such asbuilding art museums, importing advanced art teachers from overseas and offering universities musical instrument.However,personally,I subscribe to the notion that whether governments support arts with fund is determined by theirfinancial and social conditions.
Undeniably, arts ,like painting,music and sculpture,enrich humans’leisure time and enhance their aesthetic judgement,which can refresh people at a higher rate. Listening to soothing music, forexample,is one fo the most effective way for relaxation. Another reason for encouraging government to develop artistic industry may lie in the fact that indeveloped countries where their citizens have a considerable artistic foundation the investment on arts can bring a substantial feedback both in financial and educational aspect. When a singer stage his or her own concert, it will stimulate the development of local infrastructures and increase tax revenue.
However,there is no point in denying that in most developing or less developed countries the most urgent needs is to develop health care and educational systems. In these countries ,the gapbetween the wealthy and the needy is widening increasingly,posing a threat to the social stability and financial sustainable development. Therefore ,giving priority to funding educational and medical is imperative in these countries.Moreover,cultivating artistic appreciation of people is a long-term project ,so in some extend it is a waste of resources to invest in arts in this occasion.Local people would not take some types of art attractive,nor would they tend to pay fo rthem.
As indicated above,whether a government gives arts a financial support is determined by its own situation. For those countries,some money should be allocated to arts. For those developing or less developed countries, government should focus on the basic requirement of their citizens.
小站教育老师批改后：
As living standard of humans on a global scale is improving ,people has more leisure time than ever before; therefore,they have more opportunities to enjoy the beauty of art. Many people argue that government should allocate more money arts to underpine the development of art,such asbuilding art museums, importing advanced art teachers from overseas and offering universities musical instrument.[这是背景介绍，接下来你应该再有改写题目的部分]However,personally,I subscribe to the notion that whether governments support arts with fund is determined by theirfinancial and social conditions.[这是你自己的观点]
首段一般就应该包括背景介绍——改写题目——自己的观点 这三个部分。
Undeniably, arts ,like painting,music and sculpture,enrich humans’leisure time and enhance their aesthetic judgement,[下面的例子没有提到这一点]which can refresh people at a higher rate. Listening to soothing music, forexample,is one fo (of)the most effective way for relaxation. [这个例子是在论证enrich humans’leisure time] Another reason for encouraging government to develop artistic industry may lie in the fact that indeveloped countries where their citizens have a considerable artistic foundation the investment on arts can bring a substantial feedback both in financial and educational aspect.[同样例子没有提到这一点]When a singer stage his or her own concert, it will stimulate the development of local infrastructures and increase tax revenue.[这其实是在论证financial这个方面]
However,there is no point in denying that in most developing or less developed countries the most urgent needs is to develop health care and educational systems. In these countries ,the gapbetween the wealthy and the needy is widening increasingly,posing a threat to the social stability and financial sustainable development. Therefore ,giving priority to [这个短语用得好] funding educational and medical is imperative in these countries.Moreover,cultivating artistic appreciation of people is a long-term project ,so in some extend it is a waste of resources to invest in arts in this occasion.Local people would not take some types of art attractive,nor would they tend to pay fo rthem.[使用倒装句式，让文章的句式更多样性，是个亮点]
As indicated above,whether a government gives arts a financial support is determined by its own situation.[national conditoin 国情，situation这个词太宽泛]For those countries,some money should be allocated to arts. For those developing or less developed countries, government should focus on the basic requirement of their citizens.
估分：6.5--7
评价：这篇文章整个的论证思路非常清晰，句式和词汇也很多样，看的出来你有一定的英语基础。但是在写分论点的时候一定要注意严谨，要在接下来的例子中得到充分论证。同时第一段再注意加工会更好，第一段给考官的第一印象非常重要。
