It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet accsee than public transportation.
学生原文：
A/D It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet accsee than public transportation.
With the coming of the twenty-first century, government is now playing a more and more important role in our lives. Basing their judgment on the fact that twenty-first century is an information era, some people argue that more investment should be put into Internet access rather than public transportation. However, I think it doesn't hold water.
To begin with, compare with life on the internet, real life activities, here it refers to the transportation, still play a more indispensable role in our lives. Take work and travel for example. Most people nowadays still work in the office rather than at home. Actually, with the development of industrialization, our transportation system didn't catch up. It's common for people in Beijing to get up an hour earlier to drive to the company in case of the congestion in traffic, which makes people suffer from inadequate sleep. Besides, it's also a nightmare for people who want to travel. The traffic jam won't be the worst, for you will find no place to park your car when you arrive at the tourist spots.
What's more, our environment is now devastating due to the lack of public transportation system. Take Beijing for instance. The air here is so bad that it may increase the possibility of getting lung cancer, and people have to wear masks every day when they need to go outside. Why? The poor transportation system is to blame. The number of cars has been increasing dramatically in the past few years, because it's inconvenient for people to go to work or play for lack of buses and underground trains. The gases emitted by the cars have caused so huge damage to the environment that we can't wait to build a better public transportation.
Besides, more severe damage are now resulting from online communication, and we may even shut it down rather encourage it. I even don't want to mention the sad story happened on my roommate, Jason. Jason was a good student, shiny, outgoing, athletic and passionate for love. Somehow, he began to use Twitter and met his goddess, Lucy. And he fell in love with her within a day! Few months later, Lucy suddenly told him that her family was short of money due to an emergency. Without any hesitation, Jason lent her 5000 bucks. Everyone knows what would happen next -- Lucy disappeared like she just never existed. And Jason became a man I even couldn't recognize.
All in all, even not mentioning the damage Internet could result in, I highly recommend that we should invest more in transportation due to its convenience and the damage it may cause to the environment.
小站教育老师批改后：
With the coming of [这样的表达让人感觉是刚刚进入21世纪，你可以说As entering] the twenty-first century, government is now playing a more and more important role in our lives. Basing their judgment on the fact that twenty-first century is an information era, some people argue that more investment should be put into Internet access rather than public transportation. However, I think it doesn't hold water.[开头OK的]
To begin with, compare[compared] with life on the internet, real life activities, here it refers[直接动名词作伴随状态就可以了，referring] to the transportation, still play a more indispensable role in our lives. Take work and travel for example. Most people nowadays still work in the office rather than at home. Actually, with the development of industrialization, our transportation system didn't catch up. It's common for people in Beijing to get up an hour earlier to drive to the company in case of the congestion in traffic, which makes people suffer from inadequate sleep. Besides, it's also a nightmare for people who want to travel. The traffic jam won't be the worst, for you will find no place to park your car when you arrive at the tourist spots. [这一段没什么大问题，最好总括句可以再修改得更好点]
What's more, our environment is now devastating due to the lack of public transportation system. Take Beijing for instance. The air here is so bad that it may increase the possibility of getting lung cancer, and people have to wear masks every day when they need to go outside. Why? The poor transportation system is to blame. The number of cars has been increasing dramatically in the past few years, because it's inconvenient for people to go to work or play for lack of buses and underground trains. The gases emitted by the cars have caused so huge damage to the environment that we can't wait to build a better public transportation.[这里public transportation出现的比例过小，应该讲一讲重视在公共交通上的投入后能为环境带来的保护作用，前面的语句可以稍微简练点，不然篇幅过长也会影响写作时间]
Besides, more severe damage are now resulting from online communication, and we may even shut it down rather encourage it. I even don't want to mention the sad story happened on my roommate, Jason. Jason was a good student, shiny, outgoing, athletic and passionate for love. Somehow, he began to use Twitter and met his goddess, Lucy. And he fell in love with her within a day! Few months later, Lucy suddenly told him that her family was short of money due to an emergency. Without any hesitation, Jason lent her 5000 bucks. Everyone knows what would happen next -- Lucy disappeared like she just never existed. And Jason became a man I even couldn't recognize. [这里同样也是一个问题，讲的内容没能很好的联系到我们的大主题，需要讲一讲总结下internet的不好的地方，但是这里也很矛盾，Internet既然存在这样的不足，为什么不投入资金去改善呢?你如果实在是想写internet可以写一个让步段，可以说两者应该等同重视，而不是只注重一方面]
All in all, even not mentioning the damage Internet could result in, I highly recommend that we should invest more in transportation due to its convenience and the damage it may cause to the environment.
预估分数：2.5
整篇文章想表达的意思是表达清楚了，但语言表述上有提升空间，注意句型多变，避免重复内容，平时还是要保持定时定量的练习和阅读，学习借鉴、培养语感。
整篇文章框架需要稍作调整，论述需要提高，论述上建议试试：开头提炼小观点-论述-段落小总结的方式写写看；写作思路还可以更开阔点。
一些小错误要注意避免，加油。
