Some people think developments of technology make people’s life more complex, so we should make the life simpler without using technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
学生原文：
Some people think developments of technology make people’s life more complex, so we should make the life simpler without using technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Advances in modern technology have revolutionized people’s daily life in many respects. Recently, people are involved in the discussion about its pros and cons. From my perspective, technology boosts the efficiency and the effectiveness of modern life, even though we should acknowledge that technology has its adverse effects on people’s social life if not used appropriately.
Advanced technology enables people’s daily life to be more convenient. First, transports are faster and more convenient than before, with modern technology developing. Scientists have developed a vast number of efficient transports instead of old modes, so that people commute faster and more conveniently than without it. Traveling by a steam train, for instance, is a far more complicated and time-consuming matter than taking a high-speed train for a long journey. It is evident that innovative technology is more efficient and cost-effective for people. Also, emerging technology allows work to be simpler and more effective. That is because modern technology has brought liberation from the back-breaking and complicated labor. For example, had people not devised the electronic cash registers, they would spend a great deal of time on math calculation to carry out transactions. In brief, without science and technology, people cannot imagine how backward our life would be.
There are, however, some problems caused by the technology. To start with, people heavily depend on modern technology and gradually become salves of technology. People, not only the youth but also the adult, become addicted to telephones and computers, playing games, online shopping, Twitter etc. all day. Moreover, if technology spins out of control, the world will get into trouble. Specifically, some sophisticated technologies that people do not keep under tight control, such as the nuclear weapons, which may kill a large number of innocent people. Yet, we cannot simply blame the impact of advanced technology, since people should not only be the host of technology, but also have the ability to wisely take advantage of technology.
In sum, although advanced technology is not perfect, it is an indispensable part of modern life. In conclusion, I am convinced that modern technology makes people’s life simpler and more convenient, and people should use technology appropriately.
小站教育老师批改后：
Advances in modern technology have revolutionized people’s daily life in many respects. Recently, people are【宜用完成时态】 involved in the discussion about its pros and cons. From my perspective, technology boosts the efficiency and the effectiveness of modern life, even though we should acknowledge that technology has its adverse effects on people’s social life if not【加个being】 used appropriately.
Advanced technology enables people’s daily life to be more convenient【enable的搭配略有些不舒服，enables people to live in a era of more convenience】. First, transports are faster and more convenient than before, with modern technology developing. Scientists have developed a vast number of efficient transports instead of old modes【语意不通，变成说：科学家不是研发出了就得方式而是新的方式，建议改为：Scientists have developed a vast number of efficient transport modes which have steadily replaced the old ones】, so that people【could】 commute faster and more conveniently than without it【改为before】. Traveling by a steam train, for instance, is a far more complicated and time-consuming matter【choice】 than taking a high-speed train for a long journey. It is evident that innovative technology is more efficient and cost-effective【有点突兀，光有论点】 for people. Also, emerging technology allows work to be simpler and more effective. That is because modern technology has brought liberation from the back-breaking and complicated labor.【bring sth to sb，这里可以用free people from backbreaking works】 For example, had people not devised the electronic cash registers, they would spend a great deal of time on math【可省略】 calculation to carry out transactions. In brief, without science and technology, people cannot imagine how backward our life would be.
There are, however, some problems caused by the technology. To start with, people heavily depend on modern technology and 【may even略微缓和下语气】gradually become salves of technology. People, not only the youth but also the adult, become addicted to telephones【smart phones】 and computers, playing games, online shopping, Twitter etc. all day. Moreover, if technology spins out of control, the world will get into trouble. Specifically, some sophisticated technologies that people do not keep under tight control, such as the nuclear weapons, which may kill a large number of innocent people.【应该是假设吧，前半句读起来像是在特别指出说“核武器就就是没有被管制的高科技”，因此用假设的语气会比较妥当】 Yet, we cannot simply blame the impact of advanced technology, since people should not only be the host of technology, but 【should】also have the ability to wisely take advantage of technology.【可选用it is also our duty to keep a tight rein over the technology】
In sum, although advanced technology is not perfect, it is an indispensable part of modern life. In conclusion, I am convinced that modern technology makes people’s life simpler and more convenient, and people should use technology appropriately.
预估分数：6.5+
评价：你态度很认真~行文比较流畅，偶尔有一些语法上的错误，需要注意，还有在语境里要注意语言的选取，上下文的逻辑性也要时常关注。单词掌握的挺到位，要在使用恰当的情况下加以多多发挥。希望你越写越好。
