Do you agree aor disagree: the best way to travel is led by a tour guide
学生原文：
Numerous sceneries appeal to people totravel around, meanwhile, opposite to this positive phenomenon, people aregetting confused about how to choose proper travel function. Traveling withfamily, taking trip alone, traveling around the destination with partners...thereare many kinds of options for tourists to think about, however, which of themis the best? Which one benefits people most? It is certain that some peoplewill say "traveling in a group, led by a guide". But does this wayreally proffers most advantages? I would refuse this idea, as for as I can say,guiding by a tour guide definitely should be the last choice for tourists.
There are many methods proved for people have notable merits more thanit, such as traveling with family or taking a tour with partners. Traveling creates happiness andrelaxation, and that is the main reasons why many people get obsessed in it.After completing the whole year work, itis quiet enjoinable to take a travel. Feeling picturesque sceneries ,comprehendinghistoric sites, and tasting exotic food, all of those processes bring a refreshspirit for people to touch. Nevertheless traveling led by tour guides can alsoopen people's mind, but that is just a little compared with experiencing dissimilarstuff on tourists themselves. the main reason for people support this travelingway is convince. Wait, let us think about it deeply, does this function reallygive convince they want? In a travel group, people usually can not go to the placewhere they admire, sometimes they have to visit places they do not like at all.Moreover, time division separated to each place is limited, which means thatpeople can not see the whole thing, they are just allowed to give a glimpse.Extending this point view, another important thing we should notice the fixedactivity time of a tour group. When taking a tour with a bunch of people, youhave to get up at the same time, eating the blank breakfast in the same kind ofthe hotel. Think about when you are watching a native show, suddenly the phonerings to call you for gathering, what a pity!
Then, the second reason of traveling in a group is not that stable. Surelysafety is crucial, but the good trip environment is created by tourists, ratherthan their guides. Take my experience as an example, I strongly reckontraveling with person I know can give me safety. It will be ideal if I canspend leisure time with people I love, like my family or my dear friends. Oncemy family took a long journey to the Anhui province. Our goal was the mountainslocated in this area, so, the journey was really exhausting. Fortunately, wehad each other. We took care about each other during the trip, therefore tour strengthenfamily members feelings. Because of traveling with people who I really knowabout, I was quiet safe.
Thus, according to the aim of traveling and the aspect of safety,traveling led by a tour guide can not be the best way to travel.
小站教育老师批改后：
Numerous sceneries appeal to people totravel 【空格一定要有，下面我就不提示了】around, meanwhile, opposite to this positive phenomenon, people aregetting confused about how to choose proper travel function. Traveling withfamily, taking trip alone, traveling around the destination with partners...thereare many kinds of options for tourists to think about, however, which of themis the best [choice]? Which one benefits people most? It is certain that some peoplewill say "traveling in a group, led by a guide". But does this wayreally【口语化的词汇还是要尽量避免的】 proffers most advantages? I would refuse this idea, as for as I can say,guiding by a tour guide definitely 【注意语气啦】should be the last choice for tourists.【第一段入题一定要快，亮明的观点也要明确，千万不要拖拉】
There are many methods proved for people have notable merits more thanit,【代词在分论点上，容易指代不明】 such as traveling with family or taking a tour with partners. 【分论据这点总洁性要强，而且尽量要出彩】Traveling creates happiness andrelaxation, and that is the main reasons why many people get obsessed in it.After completing the whole year work, itis quiet enjoinable to take a travel. Feeling picturesque sceneries ,comprehendinghistoric sites, and tasting exotic food, all of those processes bring a refreshspirit for people to touch. Nevertheless traveling led by tour guides can alsoopen people's mind, but that is just a little compared with experiencing dissimilarstuff on tourists themselves. the main reason for people support this travelingway is convince.【convinced】 Wait, let us think about it deeply, 【议论文是严谨的文章好不好，不要这么随意好么】does this function reallygive convince [what] they want? In a travel group, people usually can not go to the placewhere they admire, sometimes they have to visit places they do not like at all.Moreover, time division separated to each place is limited, which means thatpeople can not see the whole thing, they are just allowed to give a glimpse.【这是两个个完整的句子，没有任何连接词神马的 一个逗号你就让他们在一起了？】Extending this point view, another important thing we should notice [is 句子要完整】the fixedactivity time of a tour group. When taking a tour with a bunch of people, youhave to get up at the same time, eating the blank breakfast in the same kind ofthe hotel. Think about when you are watching a native show, suddenly the phonerings to call you for gathering, what a pity!【整体论证大体是要有顺序的，从段落中旬开始，我就被你重复啰嗦的表述给彻底整晕逼疯了；内在逻辑要加强，字数也不是越多越好；假设的时候，精炼点，不要放开的野马就乱套了，注意假设和你道理论证的比例都是为了分论点服务的】
Then, the second reason of traveling in a group is not that stable.【分论点这么重要的地方，你竟然这么轻松随意的扔句子，服了你了】 Surelysafety is crucial, but the good trip environment is created by tourists, ratherthan their guides. Take my experience as an example, I strongly reckontraveling with person I know can give me safety. It will be ideal if I canspend leisure time with people I love, like my family or my dear friends. Oncemy family took a long journey to the Anhui province.【你的主句呢】 Our goal was the mountainslocated in this area, so, the journey was really exhausting. Fortunately, wehad each other. We took care about each other during the trip, therefore tour strengthenfamily members feelings. Because of traveling with people who I really knowabout, I was quiet safe.【例子部分泼墨太多，论证部分就显得有些单薄】
Thus, according to the aim of traveling and the aspect of safety,traveling led by a tour guide can not be the best way to travel.
不要着急，咱们基本功虽然不扎实，好好地做好我们应该做的，我们不标新，不立意，中规中矩也是可以4分的。表达上，关键部分在借鉴一下优秀论文的分论点句。
20分。
