In order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt oneselfto the new environment is more important than the excellent knowledge of thisjob.
学生原文：
When it comes tothe decisive factors determining the success in a new job, people tend to holddifferent ideas owing to their various preferences. Some people hold the ideathat can you make remarkable achievements in your work only when you are ableto adjust yourself to the new environment. While others who favor thesignificance of knowledge claim that the excellent knowledge of the job is ofmore essence to success. From my perspective, I cling to the belief that havinga great grasp of knowledge outweighs the ability to adapt to the new environment.
First andforemost, when faced with a variety of tanglesome tasks, you won't accomplishyour assignments with high efficiency unless you have developed solid knowledgeand adept skills. To illustrate it more specifically, Beethoven can't create somany master pieces such as the symphony of fate if he doesn't acquire profoundunderstanding of music. Hardlly will Darwinexcogitate evolution theory without a profound knowledge of creatures.Therefore it's the knowledge of the job that primarily contributes to theiroutstanding and extraordinary achievements.
What's more, ifyou possess deep knowledge and background of your work, you may get prestigeand respect from your co-workers and develop confidence in yourself. As you arethe veteran of the job, they may all strive to be the first to make friendswith you. These friends will play a crucial role in blocking out the barrierstanding in the way of your success since they may assist in your work and helpyou adapt to the new environment. When my mother moves to a new city, she is blind to the new city and can't be accustomed to the new environment.While her professional and academic skills have earned respect and favor ofmost people so that they exploit their own experience to help her adapt to thenew environment.
Pondering all theaspects outlined above, I can reinforce my stand point that you should pay moreattention to the excellent knowledge in order to achieve success in your newjob.
小站教育老师批改后：
When it comes to 【空格一定要有，下面我就不提示了】the decisive factors determining the success in a new job, people tend to holddifferent ideas owing to their various preferences. Some people hold the ideathat can you make remarkable achievements in your work only when you are ableto adjust yourself to the new environment. While others who favor thesignificance of knowledge claim that the excellent knowledge of the job is ofmore essence to success. From my perspective, I cling to the belief that havinga great grasp of knowledge outweighs the ability to adapt to the new environment.【第一段入题一定要快，亮明的观点也要明确，千万不要拖拉】
First andforemost, when faced with a variety of tanglesome tasks, you won't accomplishyour assignments with high efficiency unless you have developed solid knowledgeand adept skills.【分论据这点总洁性要强，而且尽量要出彩】To illustrate it more specifically, Beethoven can't create somany master pieces such as the symphony of fate if he doesn't acquire profoundunderstanding of music. Hardlly will Darwinexcogitate evolution theory without a profound knowledge of creatures.Therefore it's the knowledge of the job that primarily contributes to theiroutstanding and extraordinary achievements.【第一段太长，把中间的段落显得太短；而且论证几句话匆匆而过，你考试的时候时间肯定紧张，论证方法可以自己查下琢磨下】
What's more, ifyou possess deep knowledge and background of your work, you may get prestigeand respect from your co-workers and develop confidence in yourself. 【分论点一定要精炼精彩，这种可有可无而且主观意识重的话千万不要放在分论点上】 As you arethe veteran of the job, they may all strive to be the first to make friendswith you. These friends will play a crucial role in blocking out the barrierstanding in the way of your success since they may assist in your work and helpyou adapt to the new environment. When my mother moves to a new city, she is blind to the new city and can't be accustomed to the new environment.While her professional and academic skills have earned respect and favor ofmost people so that they exploit their own experience to help her adapt to thenew environment.【短尾可以在总结一下，回到段首的分论点上会显得论证逻辑更有了，总结就又回到分论点上了；觉得你论证逻辑还是蛮连贯严谨的，这里举了个例子后，再总结一下分论点绕回去比较好。其实论证方法无非就是那几类 ，一句话分两句说，流线型推；从论点到个例，个例到大众，从而论点得证加缜密】
Pondering all theaspects outlined above, I can reinforce my stand point that you should pay moreattention to the excellent knowledge in order to achieve success in your newjob.
关键部分美化，论证方式、内在逻辑、句子难度、词汇多样性 一个都不能少，再啰嗦一下，字数不够时用例子、对比、解释 、名言肯定更容易凑字数，又显得有逻辑；思路没有，没事的时候上上网，看些新闻简介，或者看一些话题讨论，或者辩论赛，时间紧张了就上网搜一些观点，没事多总结想想，时间久了就好了；表达上 关键部分在借鉴一下优秀论文的分论点句。废话不多说 祝考试顺利哦。
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