Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity,improving the neighbourhood or teaching sportd to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?
学生原文：
Nowadays, many people think that high schools should offer some volunteer services as compulsory subjects for students. Such as working for a non-profit organisation and teaching younger children skills. I personally agree with this idea that unpaid community service could be a compulsory curriculum in high schools.
From my point of views, there are many benefits for high school students to do some volunteer jobs, as it can improve their abilities when they grow up, such as the ability to cooperate with others, the ability of independence and the ability to cope with problems. For example. if some students do some activities to raise the reputation for a charity, and they have to distribute tasks equally to everyone, then making a perfect plan to run it well. It not only is beneficial for these students to enhance their cooperating abilities but also creat a chance to practice their problem-solving ability.
Another reason of setting such subjects is that it can help these students cultivate a good habit which can make it easier for these students to be good members for a society. Because they should know that they have responsbilities to do it well when they do a unpaid job, this can also set a good example for children whom these students teach and has positive effects on those children's development in their academic career. So doing unpaid community services has a wide range of benedits in both students and those children. Furthermore, if these students can insist to do volunteer jobs until their adult life, they would be also likely to do such jobs to contribute to society.
To summarise, I personally believe that setting volunteer jobs is necessary for high schools due to preparing good members to a society.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays, many people think that high schools should offer some volunteer services as compulsory subjects for students. Such as working for a non-profit organisation（用organization英式英语最好）and teaching younger children skills. I personally agree with this idea that unpaid community service could be a compulsory curriculum in high schools.（你这个论点只回答了agree or disagree，没有体现出to what extent，因此需要加一个程度副词比如：totally，或者再加以补充的条件说明）
From my point of views, there are many benefits for high school students to do some volunteer jobs, as it can improve their abilities when they grow up, such as the ability to cooperate with others, the ability of independence and the ability to cope with problems. For example. if some students do some activities to raise the reputation for a charity, and they have to distribute tasks equally to everyone, then making (make) a perfect plan to run it well. It not only is beneficial for these students to enhance their cooperating abilities but also creat a chance to practice their problem-solving ability.
Another reason of setting such subjects is that it can help these students cultivate a good habit which can make it easier for these students to be good members for a society. Because they should know that they have responsbilities to do it well when they do a unpaid job, this can also set a good example for children whom these students teach and has positive effects on those children's development in their academic career. So doing unpaid community services has a wide range of benedits(benefits) in both students and those children.（这句话总结的和这一段的中心句有点出入，中心句中没有提到children，而且because后面的分析有点片面，你只是就义务支教来分析的，应该从义务服务这一大的方面去分析，但是如果你加一句，以义务支教为例进行分析，就会好点）Furthermore, if these students can insist to do volunteer jobs until their adult life, they would be also likely to do such jobs to contribute to society.
再加一段：去分析to what extent，这样才完整。（让步段）
To summarise, I personally believe that setting volunteer jobs is necessary for high schools due to preparing good members to a society.
估分：5.5
评价：1.对于"to what extent do you agree or disagree"这一类题目，一般的写作结构是：首段：介绍，提出观点；第2-3段：分析你同意或者不同意的原因；第4段：让步，指出存在的问题；结尾：总结分论点，就让步段提出建议（条件），最后重申观点。对于"do you agree or disagree"这一类题目则直接分析同意不同意就好。也就是类似于你这篇文章的结构。
2.分析要从大的方面去分析，不能以个体代替整体。拿个体举例时可行的。
