With the development of modern science and techonology,some aspects of traditional of traditional culture are being lost,so some people think traditional culture and technology will be replaced by modern science and technology.What’s is your opinion?
学生原文：
Technology is changing our lifestyle gradually.It should be admitted that life has become more convenient and advanced due to the scientific improvement as well as the technology innovation.However,with these modern inventions appear,some people are showing their concern to the traditional culture and technology,fearing that they might be endangered or totally replaced by the modern science and technologies.As far as I’m concerned,it’s not so absolute.
It is true that those newly technologies have influenced people’s life to a large extent.The examples are not hard to find.People living in ancient times tended to call on their friends or relatives in person in order to promote their relationships,while in current society,with the existence of high-tech equipment,it’s common to contact or chat with others through online chatting instruments rather than communicate face to face.In addition,the original places for entertainment,cinemas,are losing their prevalentness since the creation of DVD players.In that case,people could enjoy variety of movies or TV series at any time at home but do not need to expose themselves outside especially when they feel tired.
In spite of this evidence,traditional culture and technology are not situated in a disadvantageous position and waiting to be replaced.Although Internet provides us much convenience that allow us handle the official business without going to the companies,the fact is it have not yet been accepted by us because most of the professional work can only be done through face to face conference of discussion.Besides,frankly speaking,people more likely to drive traditional cars with manual gears since the hand brake could offer a double guarantee when the driver forget braking and thus reducing the rate of car accident.
To summarize,modern science and technology have taken up large proportion of people’s life and indeed have replaced traditional patterns in some certain fields.However,the demand as well as the satisfaction for those traditional science and technology are two powerful support sustaining them not to be completely substituted.
小站教育老师批改后：
Technology is changing our lifestyle gradually.It should be admitted that life has become more convenient and advanced due to the scientific improvement as well as the technology innovation.However,with these modern inventions appear,【appearing/appearance】some people are showing their concern to the traditional culture and technology,fearing that they might be endangered or totally replaced by the modern science and technologies.As far as I’m concerned,it’s not so absolute.
It is true that those newly technologies have influenced people’s life to a large extent.The examples are not hard to find.People living in ancient times tended to call on 【call on 号召、请求。此处应该用call】their friends or relatives in person in order to promote their relationships,while in current society,with the existence of high-tech equipment,it’s common to contact or chat with others through online chatting instruments rather than communicate face to face.In addition,the original places for entertainment,cinemas,are losing their prevalentness 【名词prevalence 形容词prevalent】since the creation of DVD players.In that case,people could enjoy variety of movies or TV series at any time at home but do not need to expose themselves outside especially when they feel tired.【本段可以添加一个更为具体的中心句：现代的技术给我们带来了极大的便利】
In spite of this evidence,【改为much convenience brought about by modern technology。this evidence 指代不明】traditional culture and technology are not situated in a disadvantageous position and waiting to be replaced.Although Internet provides us much convenience that allow us handle the official business without going to the 【泛指，不要The】companies,the fact is【that】it have【has】not yet been accepted by us because most of the professional work can only be done through face to face conference of discussion.Besides,frankly speaking,people 【are】more likely to drive traditional cars with manual gears since the hand brake could offer a double guarantee when the driver forget braking and thus reducing the rate of car accident.
To summarize,modern science and technology have taken up large proportion of people’s life and indeed have replaced traditional patterns in some certain fields.【总结的比较到位】However,the demand as well as the satisfaction for those traditional science and technology are two powerful support sustaining them not to be completely substituted【有必要再加个自己的建议：例如：我们应该接受新科技给我们带来的便利，但是对于传统的科技我们必须采取措施加以保护等】
估分：6
评价：文章整体的论证思路没有问题，但是还有必要对每个支持的分论点进行加工，做到简洁，同时可以准确表达意思。同时，要注意细节问题，减少低级错误。
