Scientific research should becarried out and controlled by government rather than private companies. To whatextent do you agree or disagree?
学生原文：
Nowadays, scientific technologies are increasingly important to nationalities. Meanwhile, it is a heated discussion that whether the research should be carried out and controlled by government, except private companies. As far as I am concerned, it is unnecessary to limit the useright.
Admittedly, scientific results are wealthy resources belong to all human beings, and no one has right to prohibit the others make use of them. Obviously, private companies are the fund of development of the world, especially economies. Companies selling goods such as medicines, softwares and automobiles would never make a profit without using of the latest techniques. Moreover, as far as I know, most of useful technologies used in ourdaily lives such as computers and vehicles are designed or improved by individual firms. For instance, the Microsoft and the Ford are leaders. Lastly, giving private companies right to invent or research would not make damage to government. In contrast, by making full use of slack money around, nationswould push society’s development sharply. There is little doubt that government occupies limited wealth compared with the rest of nationalities.
Honestly, it might be dangerous for nations if some techniques such as rockets and bombs controlled by individuals. Nevertheless, there is just a small quantity of research results could be used in wars. Onthe other hand, most of personal companies have little interests in inventing these stuffs which are difficult to carry out as well as hard to sell. No one can deny that it would be impossible to produce advanced weapons without the permission of government as for the control of materials.
On the basis of above reasons, I would concede that it would be unfair to individual firms if government was the single legal group doing research projects, even though some of the results caused by scientific development could be harmful to nations. Overall, I firmly believe that the rights should be given to private companies no matter carrying out research or making use of the results. And the single preparation government should do is pay attention to the business about weapon materials closely.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays, scientific technologies are increasingly important to nationalities【nationality是国籍的意思，此处应为nations】. Meanwhile, it is a heated discussion that【补充一个there is a heated debate over sth】whether the research should be carried out and controlled by government, except【instead of】private companies. As far as I am concerned, it is unnecessary to limit the useright【?】
Admittedly, scientific results【scientific achievements】are wealthy resources 【可以用treasure】【that belong to从句】belong to all human beings, and no one has【the】right to prohibit the others 【from making(prohibit ... from...)】make use of them. Obviously, private companies are the fund of development of the world, especially 【加上when regarding to】economies. Companies selling goods such as medicines, softwares and automobiles would never make a profit without using of【可省略】the latest techniques. Moreover, as far as I know, most of useful technologies used in our daily lives【daily life 日常生活】【，】such as computers and vehicles【，】are designed or improved by individual【private enterprise】 firms. For instance, the Microsoft and the Ford are leaders.【宜改为industry leaders like Microsoft and Ford】Lastly, giving private companies right to invent or research would not make damage to government. In contrast, by making full use of slack money around,【突然的对比，逻辑上有点不清晰】nations would push society’s development sharply. There is little doubt that government occupies limited wealth compared with the rest of nationalities【这一结论出现的有些突兀】.
Honestly, it might be dangerous for nations if some techniques such as rockets and bombs controlled by individuals. Nevertheless, there is just a small quantity of research results could be used in wars. On the other hand, most of personal companies【private companies】have little interests in inventing these stuffs which are difficult to carry out as well as【后一般接名词，建议改为as well as having difficulties in selling】hard to sell. No one can deny that it would be impossible to produce advanced weapons without the permission of government as for the control of materials.【有点按照中文思路了，文章逻辑上不够清晰】
On the basis of above reasons, I would concede that it would be unfair to individual firms if government was the single legal group【in】doing【scientific】research projects, even though some of the results caused by scientific development could be harmful to nations.【逻辑有点别扭】Overall, I firmly believe that the rights should be given to private companies no matter carrying out research or making use of the results. And the single preparation【single?是强调只需要做这么一件事么】government should do is pay attention to the business about weapon materials closely.
预估：5-5.5
评价：
文章内容是有的，能反复强调出自己的观点，让老师明确写作意图这点值得继续保持。但是要注意到语言的选用要准确得体。有许多观点是好的，但是要控制好安排论据的布局，不可以想到什么就写什么，要注意整篇文章的行文逻辑，上下文衔接的要有理有据。希望能继续努力，多加练习!
tip：
1.文中提到的问题请多加注意
2.多看看范文，找一找别人的行文思路
3.写文章前可以试着先在想好论点的基础上，稍稍列举一些自己的论据，有助于写文章时候不至于显得松散。
