Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?Has this become a positive or negative development?
学生原文：
In this age of change, the human race is progressing at an accelerated speed. And the ways of communicating with each other used by most of people around the world have been improved by techniques as well. Someone believes it is benefit to us while others hold the opposite view. In this essay, I will analysis from which way can technology changes our connection styles and whether it is a proper development.
It is evident that a range of factors affect our ways of making relationships. In the first plan, seldom of people keep in touch with others by mailing letters because e-mails have been more convenient and faster than traditional ways. For instance, you could send your friends an e-mail and wait for his or her response in a few minutes which is impossible for post office to achieve it.Besides, we used to visit our partners in our free time. Nevertheless, most of human kinds nowadays who can afford the access to phones prefer to make a call for greeting. The youth who are falling in love fasten themselves to phones, especially. Finally, we used to write a notice on blackboard if we need to inform others, while people send messages instead at present.
On the basis of the above phenomenons, I believe these changes are advantageous to our lives. To begin with, it is convenient for us to know the situation of our friends and even to develop new relationship through advanced communication technologies. Indeed, we do not need to travel a long time for just a visit and frequently connection fastens human’s relationship tightly. Then, it is has been safer with the developing techniques on communicating. Obviously, letters can be missed on the half way whiste-mails and messages could be sent by mistake hardly.
In summary, techniques have affected human kinds’ lives through several different ways. Even though it might bring some unconscious problems some day, I firmly believe now at least these changes would be benefit to human beings.
小站教育老师批改后：
In this age of change, the human race is progressing at an accelerated speed. And the ways of communicating with each other used by most of people around the world have been improved by techniques as well. Someone believes it is benefit【benefit是动词，所以不要用be动词；to us while others hold the opposite view.这句话不太妥当，因为题目中没有出现类似的表达，你只要点出你自己的观点，这是个积极的趋势还是消极的，而不是要你对两个队里的观点进行分析】In this essay, I will analysis from which way can technology changes 【change】our connection styles and whether it is a proper development.
It is evident that a range of factors affect our ways of making relationships. 【a range of factors 表述不够准确，文章主要你讨论 technology 这一个因素的影响，故而用 a range of factors 不合适，要你讨论的是影响的表现形式，比如交流的频率和方式等】In the first plan, seldom of people【seldom】keep in touch with others by mailing letters because e-mails have been more convenient and faster than traditional ways. For instance, you could send your friends an e-mail and wait for his or her response in a few minutes which is impossible for post office to achieve it.【make it 更好】Besides, we used to visit our partners in our free time. Nevertheless, most of human kinds nowadays who can afford the access to phones prefer to make a call for greeting. The youth who are falling in love fasten themselves to phones, especially. Finally, we used to write a notice on blackboard if we need to inform others, while people send messages instead at present.
On the basis of the above phenomenons, I believe these changes are advantageous to our lives. To begin with, it is convenient for us to know the situation of our friends and even to develop new relationship through advanced communication technologies. Indeed, we do not need to travel a long time for just a visit and frequently connection fastens human’s relationship tightly. Then, it is has been safer with the developing techniques on communicating. Obviously, letters can be missed on the half way whiste-mails and messages could be sent by mistake hardly.
In summary, techniques have affected human kinds’ 【humankinds'】lives through several different ways【具体的方式可以稍作总结，也就是你第二段讨论的内容】. Even though it might bring some unconscious problems some day, I firmly believe now at least these changes would be benefit to human beings.
估分：6
评价：本文的论证思路还是很清醒，比较合理的，但是有些表述还是不够准确，这主要是审题不够仔细。另外，第一段一定要确保完美，不要出现错误，这会影响你给考官的第一印象。
