Developingcountries need international organisations’ help. Some people think thatfinancial aid should be provided, while others think that practical aid andadvice would be better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
学生原文：
With theeconomical development, a variety of public and private institutions lay theiremphasis on assistance projects in the realm of the poor countries. How to helpthem properly has trigger off an intensive debate. From my perspective, thecombination of financial and practical aid serves to be an optimal tactic.
The advocates offinancial help may hold the opinion that to back up developing areas with moneyis the most direct and effective method. This is because the poverty canfulfill their basic human request as feeding themselves and staying away fromhungry.
The opponents ofthe former argue that practical help exerts a senior vital role on the recipients.For instance, what they urgently hungry are medical assistance plus primary andsecondary education, which can not feed by money but acquire for experts andvolunteers.
However, above viewsvalue in some extent, are not comparable but complementary to each other. Specificially,the finally goal of global aid is to enable the recipients to stand on theirown feet and explore their own resources to boost the local economy, notprovide a everlasting budget. So global institution should send professionalsto teach and direct the local government. Besides, actual help is supposed tobe back financially cause purchasing materials such as medicines, medical equipments,textbooks and advance technology are call for money.
In conclusion, personally,I tend to support that both of fund and practical help are responded in termsof international assistance cause they can improve the each other mutually in along turn.
小站教育老师批改后：
With theeconomical development, a variety of public and private institutions lay theiremphasis on assistance projects in the realm of the poor countries. 【背景介绍】How to helpthem properly has trigger off an intensive debate. 【改写题目】From my perspective, thecombination of financial and practical aid serves to be an optimal tactic. 【自己的观点】
第一段写的不错，具备三个层次，自己的观点也很明确。
The advocates offinancial help may hold the opinion that to back up developing areas with moneyis the most direct and effective method. This is because the poverty canfulfill 【？表述意思有误，自己再斟酌看看】their basic human request as feeding themselves and staying away fromhungry. 【这一段的论证也不够透彻，一句话绝对不够，再扩充一点】
The opponents ofthe former argue that practical help exerts a senior vital role on the recipients.For instance, what they urgently hungry are medical assistance plus primary andsecondary education, which can not feed by money but acquire for experts andvolunteers.【不要一上来论证时就for instance/example，要以道理论证为主，具体的事例只能是辅助说明，不能作为论据来全方位的论证】
从全文的布局来讲，度两种观点的分析应该占据大半个篇幅的，这是重点。
However, above viewsvalue in some extent, are not comparable but complementary to each other. 【这句话写的好】Specificially,the finally goal of global aid is to enable the recipients to stand on theirown feet and explore their own resources to boost the local economy, not (to) provide a everlasting budget. So global institution should send professionalsto teach and direct the local government. Besides, actual help is supposed tobe back financially cause purchasing materials such as medicines, medical equipments,textbooks and advance technology are call for money.【这一段的阐述就可以顺利的引出你自己的观点了】
In conclusion, personally,I tend to support that both of fund and practical help are responded in termsof international assistance cause they can improve the each other mutually in along turn.
估分：5.5-6
评价：论证不透彻，论证结构掌握的不好，继续加油。
