Title: Some people feel that entertainers(eg.film stars,pop musicians or sports ) are paid too much money.Do you agree or disagree?Which other types of job should be highly paid?
学生原文：
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concern about the salaries of film stars, pop musicians, and sports. Some people state that the rewards of entertainers are too high, others believe that the payments of this kind of career are reasonable. In my point of view, I agree with the idea that they are not worth earning such too much money.
To start with, the payments of entertainers are not relevant with their labours. The reason for which is that the media prefer to hype the film, CD, and so on, and Media companies spent amount of money on packaging stars. So the salary of this stars did not demostrate their individual value.
moreover, the public are enforced to pay for the high rewards at the end. For example, if the citizens bought a goods which is represented by a pop-star, the price will higher than the goods which is not be represented by anyone. Owing to the reason that the businesses have put the expensive endorsement fees into the cost of products. While the public did not get better goods.
It is not to say that entertainers should not get much money for each labour. For example, it is normal that a best-selling CD can bring high income for the musician. But the most income of the stars come from the advertisement or commercial peformences.
I think that there are some other jobs should be paid for higher salaries such as scientists, medical researchers and the war news reporters who make great contributions for human development, people’s health, and so on. so the government should pay highly rewards for them to encourage them work harder.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concern about the salaries of film stars, pop musicians, and sports.（这句可以改为表达现在社会财富分配的现象非常严重的意思）Some people state that the rewards of entertainers are too high, others believe that the payments of this kind of career are reasonable.（题目里面没有这层意思，不要这样去改写题目）In my point of view, I agree with the idea that they are not worth earning such too much money.（你下文都在阐述这些人为什么可以转这么多钱，和你的观点有点出入）
To start with, the payments of entertainers are not relevant with their labours. The reason for which is that the media prefer to hype the film, CD, and so on, and Media companies spent (a large) amount of money on packaging stars. So the salary of this stars did not demostrate their individual value.
moreover, the public are enforced to pay for the high rewards at the end. For example, if the citizens bought a goods which is represented by a pop-star, the price will higher than the goods which is not be represented by anyone. Owing to the reason that the businesses have put the expensive endorsement fees into the cost of products. While the public did not get better goods.
It is not to say that entertainers should not get much money for each labour. （这一句和你的观点也是矛盾的）For example, it is normal that a best-selling CD can bring high income for the musician. But the most income of the stars come from the advertisement or commercial peformences.
I think that there are some other jobs should be paid for higher salaries （转折的太突兀，要有一个衔接，之前可以说虽然那些人可以赚这么多钱有它的合理性，但是社会资源的有限性，应该注意资源的合理分配，更多地将财富资源向体力劳动者倾斜）such as scientists, medical researchers and the war news reporters who make great contributions for human development, people’s health, and so on. so the government should pay highly rewards for them to encourage them work harder.
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