托福写作批改：吸引好学生的方法

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to attract good students, a university should spend a lot of money funding social activities.

学生原文：

There are values in all rarity. Nowadays, universities spare no efforts to compete with each other in attracting good students. Some may claim that university should spend a lot of money in social activities in order to attract good students. However, I think this theory is unconvincing.

To start with, it is undeniable that the foremost reason a good student attend university is to study. Obtaining more advanced knowledge and applying them in practical use is their ideal life in a university which I believe is of great relation to the quality of the university's faculty. A knowledgeable professor with good reputation can greatly enlighten these good students and the precious resources they can bring the students is quite beneficial. On the other hand, advanced educational resources and equipment are crucial to a university. How is it possible that a literature student chooses a university whose library is small? How can a student whose dream field is biology be attracted by a university without microscope?

Finally, a pleasant atmosphere of the campus is also an indispensable factor when good students consider which university to attend. For example, a high school classmate of mine, who is studying physics in Peking University, always posts photos of beautiful scenery of her campus online. The campus is full of flowers and trees in the spring; the dormitory is large and comfortable; the sports facilities are all in good condition. Equipped with such an pleasant atmosphere, students can be more concentrated in their study as well. No wonder the reputation of the Peking University is so good around China.

As I have demonstrated above, it is not hard to get the conclusion that it is unwise to spend a lot of money funding social activities. On the contrary, only a perfect integration of famous professors, good educational resources and facilities and pleasant atmosphere in the campus can attract more good students.

   小站教育老师批改后：

There are values in all rarity[???]. Nowadays, universities spare no efforts to compete with each other in attracting good students. Some may claim that university should spend a lot of money in social activities in order to attract good students. However, I think this theory is unconvincing.

To start with, it is undeniable that the foremost reason a good student attend[attends] university is to study. Obtaining more advanced knowledge and applying them in practical use is their ideal life in a university which I believe is of great relation to the quality of the university's faculty.A knowledgeable professor with good reputation can greatly enlighten these[去掉]good students and the precious resources they can bring [to] the students is[are] quite beneficial. On the other hand, advanced educational resources and equipment are crucial to a university. How is it possible that a literature student chooses a university whose library is small? How can a student whose dream field is biology [but] be[is] attracted by a university without microscope?

Finally, a pleasant atmosphere of the campus is also an indispensable factor when good students consider which university to attend. For example, a high school classmate of mine, who is studying physics in Peking University, always posts photos of beautiful scenery of her campus online. The campus is full of flowers and trees in the spring; the dormitory is large and comfortable;the sports facilities are all in good condition. Equipped with such an[a] pleasant atmosphere, students can be more concentrated in[on] their study as well. No wonder the reputation of the Peking University is so good around China.

As I have demonstrated above, it is not hard to get the conclusion that it is unwise to spend a lot of money funding social activities. On the contrary, only a perfect integration of famous professors, good educational resources and facilities and pleasant atmosphere in the campus can attract more good students.

预估分数4+

语言功底不错，结构、内容都很好，但是部分细节性的错误应尽量避免.