托福写作批改：基础教育更重要？

Do you agree or disagree the following statement? For the successful development of a country, a government should focus its budget more on primary education than on higher education.

学生原文：

We all know that a country should place emphasis on education including both primary education and the higher one. But the money spend on schools is after all limited, there is a debate about which education deserves more money. As far as I am concerned, the primary education should get more money.

First of all, the requirement of the high education is smaller because there are less students in universities or colleges. Since all children have the equal right to get education, virtually every parent will sent their children to schools. Thus, almost total children will complete the primary education before they come to point whether they will attend a college. In addition, even if they have made the resolution that they want to get a higher education, there comes another question-- they might be rejected by the school. Therefore, the students who successfully attend college are actually fairly few, maybe fewer than you can imagine. A recent investigation made by China Daily suggests that, there is only a rate of 60% of students who finally get the high education. Some might argue that some facilities in universities are extremely expensive. But what need to be known is the number of those equipment is small so that will hardly cost too much. Consequently, the colleges do not have to get so much money as the schools providing primary education do to make the school work efficiently.

Furthermore, a preliminary school is attached more significant than a college. The reason is that children in primary schools are at the age of developing their characters and building up learning abilities. As we all know that by no means can a student have a successful life without a good temperament as well as the capacity of reading. And we can see cases everywhere in our life. For example, children that attend schools from suburb tend to have a narrow vision of the world while young kids from downtown having the access to a better basic education generally look at a wider picture. And just because this, all parents have the inclination to sent their children to the first-class primary school which at the same time, however, leads to a higher tuition. Parents are giving such attention and bills to the preliminary education, let alone the government. Only when the quality of elementary education is promoted can the whole education level rise.

Taking into account all the analyses made above, we can finally arrive at the conclusion that, unquestionably, a country should assign more money to the primary education rather than the high.

   小站教育老师批改后：

We all know that a country should place emphasis on education including both primary education and the higher one. But the money spend on schools is after all limited, there is a debate about which education【stage，只能说某个学习阶段】 deserves more money. As far as I am concerned, the primary education should get more money【budget 点题】.

First of all, the requirement【s】of the high education is smaller because there are less students in universities or【and】colleges. Since all children have the equal right to get education, virtually every parent will sent their children to schools. Thus, almost total children will complete the primary education before they come to point whether they will attend a college. In addition, even if they have made the resolution that they want to get a higher education, there comes another question-- they might be rejected by the school. Therefore, the students who successfully attend college are actually fairly few, maybe fewer than you can imagine. A recent investigation made by China Daily suggests that, there is only a rate of 60% of students who finally get the high education. Some might argue that some facilities in universities are extremely expensive. But what need to be known is the number of those equipment【s】is small so that will hardly cost too much. Consequently, the colleges do not have to get so much money as the schools providing primary education do to make the school work efficiently.

Furthermore, a preliminary school is attached more significant than a college. The reason is that children in primary schools are at the age of developing their characters and building up learning abilities. As we all know that by no means can a student have a successful life without a good temperament as well as the capacity of reading. And we can see cases everywhere in our life. For example, children that attend schools from suburb tend to have a narrow vision of the world while young kids from downtown having the access to a better basic education generally look at a wider picture. And just because this, all parents have the inclination to sent【send】their children to the first-class primary school which at the same time, however, leads to a higher tuition. Parents are giving such attention and bills to the preliminary education, let alone the government. Only when the quality of elementary education is promoted can the whole education level rise.

Taking into account all the analyses made above, we can finally arrive at the conclusion that, unquestionably, a country should assign more money to the primary education rather than the high.

预估分数：25分

写的很不错，行云流水，注意细节问题，论证也很充分。倒装句式用的很不错。

但是亲你发帖题目写错了，我给你修改过来了哦，请注意。