Though modern agricultural practices damage the environment, feeding the world's growing population is more important than preventing environmental damage.
学生原文：
The fiercely worsening of environmental condition nowadays has indicated that environmental protection has to be initiated, or human beings world would face tremendous threatens of natural disaster. In the meantime, when cataclysm rains down, starving could not be considered as the first going-to-be-solved problem. Apparently, numerous solution have to be worked out for environmental protection, instead of eyelessly improving agricultural output which satisfy only in short period of time of human beings.
The main reason why environmental protection is superior to agricultural is that contemporary arable area is diminishing because of frequent irrigation and overused fertilizers. If people kept damaging agricultural areas like this, more people were going to starve because of the shortage of food output. Moreover, improving people who are starving nowadays have little to do with agricultural but the politics and bureaucracy field, that is, corrupted officers sometimes could be so voracious that distribute promised amount of food to lower class.
Furthermore, human should concern their next generations instead of meeting for their own goods such as increasing agricultural product by damaging arable field. As recent study manipulated by ENVS (environmental science) department of UC Berkeley, agricultural areas are decreasing sharply as 19% off per year because of over irrigation and the threatens of pesticides. Two more percent of African people are facing starving because of their defunct farms. It is readily infer that intensified agricultural does not have unchangeable positive relationship with people who are starving. What really play increasingly important role in preventing the number of starving people from poor condition is the process of environmental protection, that is, revitalizing land used to be unavailable to grow crops.
Accordingly, since environmental condition has been intensely threatened by over-irrigation, agricultural progress should be halted and ought to be replaced by environmental protection for neither further benefit of offspring or the area of arable farmlands.
小站教育老师批改后：
The fiercely worsening of environmental condition nowadays has indicated that environmental protection has to be initiated, or human beings world would face tremendous threatens of natural disaster. In the meantime, when cataclysm rains down, starving could not be considered as the first going-to-be-solved [可以说top concern]problem. Apparently, numerous solution[复数] have to be worked out for environmental protection, instead of eyelessly improving agricultural output which satisfy only in short period of time of human beings.
The main reason why environmental protection is superior to agricultural is that contemporary arable area is diminishing because of frequent irrigation and overused fertilizers. If people kept damaging agricultural areas like this, more people were going to starve because of the shortage of food output.Moreover,improving[改为feeding]
people who are starving nowadays have little to do with agricultural but the politics and bureaucracy field, that is, corrupted officers sometimes could be so voracious that distribute promised amount of food to lower class. [最后这句话的逻辑不太明白。分发食品怎么会是voracious，而其实corrupted official]
Furthermore, human should concern their next generations instead of meeting for their own goods such as increasing agricultural product by damaging arable field. As recent study manipulated by ENVS (environmental science) department of UC Berkeley, agricultural areas are decreasing sharply as 19% off per year because of over irrigation and the threatens of pesticides. Two more percent of African people are facing starving because of their defunct farms. It is readily infer that intensified agricultural does not have unchangeable positive relationship with people who are starving. What really play increasingly important role in preventing the number of starving people from poor condition is the process of environmental protection, that is, revitalizing land used to be unavailable to grow crops.
[这段写的不错，叙述和分析都很到位]
Accordingly, since environmental condition has been intensely threatened by over-irrigation, agricultural progress should be halted and ought to be replaced by environmental protection for neither[注意细节]either further benefit of offspring or the area of arable farmlands.
预估分数：4.5
总体展开不错，只是个别对方不太清楚，你可以再解释一下。
你的篇幅把握不错，而且有的表达非常简练到位，很好，继续保持；另外，还可以进一步地阅读，多积累一些写作素材。
