Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.
学生原文：
In most countries all over the world, students have to study at school for about nine months and enjoy the remaining three month as their vocation. However, currently some people have suggested expanding the school months to eleven months a year in order to provide students a better and more sufficient education. That has caused great arguments among people and opinions vary greatly. According to a recent survey conducted by China Daily, ninety-five percent of students hold negative attitude toward this statement. And as far as I am concerned, elongating the semester and diminishing the vocation cannot improve our education but only destroy the learning enthusiasm and health condition of students. Besides it is also important for students to gain knowledge outside school.
To begin with, not having enough vocation may cause a relatively low learning efficiency. Under the normal attention span, if the students are overloaded, there are possibilities that students cannot get fully concentrated on their study and the low efficiency can prevent students from absorbing new knowledge. By mentioning this I mean, students may gain the same amount of knowledge whether in eleven months or nine months. That apparently is a waste of time and energy. Moreover, studying for too long may bring students with negative feelings toward schools. It is likely that they may be reluctant to go to school and perform badly on purpose.
Furthermore, the extremely long term may worsen students' health condition. There is no doubt that everyone needs to kick back and relax after months of work, so do students. As you may know, the number of students who are near-sighted or overweight is soaring. Thus if we ask students to have classes for eleven months a year, the condition may be out of control. Because usually in the vocations, they have more time and opportunities to take exercise and get toned, therefore vocations are important time for students to refresh themselves and be stronger.
Last but not least, students can learn much even they are not in schools. The outside world provides them with broader horizons and experiences. It is true that literature knowledge is vital, however, as a Chinese old saying goes, traveling thousands of miles is better than reading thousands of books. It is widely believed theories can be completely grasped only when practical experience is combined. Take myself as an example, in my business class, I learned a theory of how producers build relationship with consumers. And during that summer vocation, I took an internship in a consumer goods company. The working experience really enables me to fully understand my lecture and expand my knowledge base. So it is safe to draw a conclusion that we are able to learn much outside what we cannot learn in our classes.
In conclusion, having too long school months not only decreases the time productivity of students but also worsen their health condition. More importantly, it prevents students from gaining knowledge from wonderful outside world. Taking into account of the arguments above, I strongly disagree with the eleven-month plan.
小站教育老师批改后：
In most countries all over the world, students have to study at school for about nine months and enjoy the remaining three month as their vocation. However, currently some people have suggested expanding the school months to eleven months a year in order to provide students a better and more sufficient education. That has caused great arguments among people and opinions vary greatly. [调查之类的，完全可以放在后面去，或者在开头段和展开之间加一个过渡段] According to a recent survey conducted by China Daily, ninety-five percent of students hold negative attitude toward this statement. And as far as I am concerned, elongating the semester and diminishing the vocation cannot improve our education but only destroy the learning enthusiasm and health condition of students. Besides it is also important for students to gain knowledge outside school. [你的引题是比较顺畅，只是啰嗦了一些。开头段落不建议写这么长，要快速引题，老师更看重的是你的展开如何]
To begin with, not having enough vocation may cause a relatively low learning efficiency. Under the normal attention span, if the students are overloaded, there are possibilities that students cannot get fully concentrated on their study and the low efficiency can prevent students from absorbing new knowledge. By mentioning this I mean, students may gain the same amount of knowledge whether in eleven months or nine months. That apparently is a waste of time and energy. Moreover, studying for too long may bring students with negative feelings toward schools. It is likely that they may be reluctant to go to school and perform badly on purpose. [moreover后面的不建议写，虽然也是很好的观点。但建议一个段落只聚焦于一个点，这样你的观点会更清楚]
Furthermore, the extremely long term may worsen students' health condition. There is no doubt that everyone needs to kick back and relax after months of work, so do students. As you may know, the number of students who are near-sighted or overweight is soaring. Thus if we ask students to have classes for eleven months a year, the condition may be out of control. Because usually in the vocations, they have more time and opportunities to take exercise and get toned[这个用法比较少，不建议用比较偏的表达], therefore vocations are important time for students to refresh themselves and be stronger.
Last but not least, students can learn much even they are not in schools. The outside world provides them with broader horizons and experiences. It is true that literature knowledge is vital, however, as a Chinese old saying goes, traveling thousands of miles is better than reading thousands of books. It is widely believed theories can be completely grasped only when practical experience is combined. Take myself as an example, in my business class, I learned a theory of how producers build relationship with consumers. And during that summer vocation, I took an internship in a consumer goods company. The working experience really enables me to fully understand my lecture and expand my knowledge base. So it is safe to draw a conclusion that we are able to learn much outside what we cannot learn in our classes. 例子结合不错
In conclusion, having too long school months not only decreases the time productivity of students but also worsen their health condition. More importantly, it prevents students from gaining knowledge from wonderful outside world. Taking into account of the arguments above, I strongly disagree with the eleven-month plan.
预估分数：4.4
总体展开不错，个别地方试图一个段内展开几个点，显得逻辑不是那么清晰。此外，建议篇幅缩短一下。
表达很流畅，读起来很舒服。有一个要注意的就是尽量用一些比较常用的表达.
继续努力吧，进步很大哦！
