It is enjoyable to have a job where you work only 3 days a week for longer hours than to have a job where you work 5 days for shorter hours.
学生原文：
When it comes to the arrangement of working hours, people are always getting into a dilemma that whether it's more enjoyable to work only three days a week for long hours than the current working time. No one will doubt the fact that there is a long-lasting debate about the balance of work and entertainment. In my view, I strongly disagree with the statement; I believe working five days a week is more beneficial and reasonable.
To begin with, exceedingly continuous work will lead to low efficiency and productivity, undermining the profits of the whole company. Let me conduct this calculation as an example, nowadays people work 8 hours per days, and it turns out to be 40 hours a week, so working only three days a week will lead to more than 13 hours a day to ensure people's actual work time isn't cut down. However, in no case will spending more than half a day handling work benefit the working qualities, since employees are too exhausted to concentrate on what they are doing. On the contrary, for instance, the "Silicon Valley" in California, which is regarded as the one of largest industrial parks throughout the United States, remains the traditional working hours and proves to be a successful paradigm of the investment of advanced technology. Even though the employees there should be filled with trade business and engineering work, they perform at work efficiently by balancing their time very well.
Furthermore, from the perspective of health condition, it's vital and essential for people to have enough rest and live regular and healthy lifestyles, which will be largely undermined by the suggested working time. As shown above, people should work 13 hours a day if working three days a week. Well, how can they get a good sleep under this circumstance? In addition, three days' work means four days' rest, and with this "little vacation" every week, people can go for trips and get involved or even addicted to amazing parties. However, on account of our fundamental health, it's harmful to experience these activities frequently. As a recent research reveals, irregularity becomes a crucial factor causing some certain cancers, heart attacks and other vessel diseases by ingesting high-fat food and suffering some sleeping problems. Obviously, conforming a traditional working hour is indispensable according to these evidences.
To sum up, I reinforce my standpoint that the merits of working five days a week outweigh its drawbacks with these conspicuous reasons. And regular lifestyles will bring you health and a bright future.
小站教育老师批改后：
When it comes to the arrangement of working hours,people are always【这里要注意哦，套话不是每一句都可以用的，上三天班还是五天班并不是大家经常性讨论的，改为 】 getting into【it’s】 a dilemma that whether it's more enjoyable to work only three days a week for long hours than the current working time. No one will doubt the fact that there is a long-lasting debate about the balance of work and entertainment. In my view, I strongly disagree with the statement; I believe working five days a week is more beneficial and reasonable.
To begin with, exceedingly continuous work will lead to low efficiency and productivity, undermining the profits of the whole company. Let me conduct this calculation as an example, nowadays people work 8 hours per days, and it turns out to be 40 hours a week, so working only three days a week will lead to more than 13 hours a day to ensure people's actual work time isn't cut down. However, in no case will spending more than half a day handling work benefit the working qualities, since employees are too exhausted to concentrate on what they are doing.【前面部分的论述很不错，由计算引入，同时在不经意间建立了周小时工作时长不变的基础】On the contrary, for instance, the "Silicon Valley" in California, which is regarded as the one of largest industrial parks throughout the United States, remains the traditional working hours and proves to be a successful paradigm of the 【advanced technology】 investment of advanced technology.【同样的形式最好不要连用】Even though the employees there should be filled with trade business and engineering work, they perform【efficiently】at work efficientlyby balancing their time very well.
Furthermore, from the perspective of health condition, it's vital and essential for people to have enough rest and live regular【regularly比regular更有规律性的意思】and healthy lifestyles, which will be largely undermined by the suggested working time. As shown above, people should work 13 hours a day if working three days a week. Well, how can they get a good sleep under this circumstance? In addition, three days' work means four days' rest, and with this "little vacation" every week, people can go for trips and get involved or even addicted to amazing parties. However, on account of our fundamental health, it's harmful to experience these activities frequently. As a recent research reveals, irregularity becomes a crucial factor causing some certain cancers, heart attacks and other vessel diseases by ingesting high-fat food and suffering some sleeping problems. Obviously, conforming a traditional working hour is indispensable according to these evidences.
To sum up, I reinforce my standpoint that the merits of working five days a week outweigh its drawbacks with these conspicuous reasons. And regular lifestyles will bring you health and a bright future.
预估分数：
26
整篇的论述酣畅淋漓，例子和论述之前杂糅在一起，使用了比较高级的论述方式，很不错哦。你一定能考个好成绩的~就是要注意细节方面哦~
