Cell phones and the internet play an important part in the which people relate to one another socially. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
学生原文：
Nowadays people in a growing number are raising awareness about innovative changes brought by the developed information techniques. Some arguments claim that cell phones and internet have become the fundamental part of people's social life. While, according to my perspective, though they definitely change the way of how people interact with each other, it still can not be the replacements for some tranditional communication approaches.
Admittedly, the emergency of mobile devices and internet has basically allowed people to effectively and efficiently communicate with each other, even in a distant place. Individual message could be sent to his/her friend in a few seconds, or even less a second. In addition, rich content like images, videos can also be produced and shared with their friends in another country, which can not be imagined in the old days. Furthermore, people can have real-time interactive activities online, which contributes to the emergency of remote education, business, and even real-time family video.
Yet, still the current level of communication techniques can not replace traditional interactive approaches due to its basic constraints and probable threat. Mobile phone basically depends on singal processing technique. It can not work well in some places without any singal. Speaking of the internet, videos can not clearly show the changes on people's expression due to its dependence on internet singal. While face-to-face communication will not have these problems. People can fluently talk to each with different guestures, facial expressions. Most importantly, it makes people feel real exsistence, but not talking to a digital image. Apart from the ideas above, privacy violation is another consideration since many reports have shown that online activities could build a digitial soul reflecting the real characteristics of a person.
Perhaps there are truely some positive effects imposed by the telecommunication technique, however, it still can not change my preference over the traditional interactive approaches according to discussion mentioned above.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays people in a growing number are raising awareness about innovative changes brought by the developed information techniques. Some arguments claim that cell phones and internet have become the fundamental part of people's social life. While, according to my perspective, though they definitely change the way of how people interact with each other, it (They) still can not be the replacements for some tranditional communication approaches.【很明确地点出自己的观点，为下文的展开奠定一个基础，方向性,因此在第一段就点出自己的观点最好，这样不容易走题】
Admittedly, the emergency of mobile devices and internet has basically allowed people to effectively and efficiently communicate with each other, even in a distant place. Individual message could be sent to his/her friend in a few seconds, or even less a second. In addition, rich content like images, videos can also be produced and shared with their friends in another country, which can not be imagined in the old days. Furthermore, people can have real-time interactive activities online, which contributes to the emergency of remote education, business, and even real-time family video.【这一段主要讲两点：frequent,possible，这两个关键词最好可以体现出来，出现在段落中。其实你这一段主要讲的 是possible这一方面，frequent没有体现，思路没有完全打开】
Yet, still the current level of communication techniques can not replace traditional interactive approaches due to its basic constraints and probable threat. 【这个转折很自然，没有它就会显得有点突兀】Mobile phone basically depends on singal processing technique. It can not work well in some places without any singal. Speaking of the internet, videos can not clearly show the changes on people's expression due to its dependence on internet singal. While face-to-face communication will not have these problems. People can fluently【流利地，这里面应该用frequently频繁地】 talk to each with different guestures, facial expressions. Most importantly, it makes people feel real exsistence, but not talking to a digital image. Apart from the ideas above, privacy violation is another consideration since many reports have shown that online activities could build a digitial soul reflecting the real characteristics of a person.
Perhaps there are truely some positive effects imposed by the telecommunication technique, however, it still can not change my preference 【去掉它，更客观】over the traditional interactive approaches according to discussion mentioned above.
估分：6.5
评价：文章写得总体结构已经有了很好的改观，但是思考问题时的思路还不够扩散。想每个问题，一般先想几个关键词，分别表示一个大的方面，再去想一些小点分析每个大的方面，而不是讲的几个点其实都是一个方面的，这样子不太好。
