Now adayscheap air travel is increasingly popular in the world. To what extent do youthink its advantages outweigh its disadvantages?
学生原文：
Currently, travelling around hasbeen a heated trend among all ages all over the world, which undeniably, isfostered by cheap air travel. The debate over whether cheap air travel exertspositive influences or negative impacts on people’s life has arouseda wide concern. I am inclined to hold the former view, which will be exploredextensively in the essay.
To begin with, cheap air travelis helpful to expand people’s horizons. Travelling is regarded as the best wayfor people to get acquainted with other cultural and increase knowledge. However,travelling seems to be not available to poor individuals because it needs a largeof sum of money to pay for the flight, hotel and food, and the flight reallyoccupied a high proportion especially for the travelling abroad if it wasexpensive. Thanks to the cheap air travel, expense during the travelling mightbe not an issue any more.
Another advantage that cheap airtravel offers is that it helps to relieve pressure with the globalization andadvanced technology, people might find that it is full of pressure such as workpressure and economic pressure in daily life, which is likely to bring outdepression and repression. Enjoying beautiful scenery offers a way to rechargeour batteries, making us more vibrant and dynamic to face the daily routine.
Admittedly, I fairly understandthose concede that the practice does carry with several drawbacks, among whichthe prominent one is that it might lead to some historical sites be damaged assome tourists are really not polite. Even so, it is still not convincing since Ifirmly believe the hazard can be avoid if we regulate it properly.
Overall, although cheap airtravel does bring out several detrimental effects, the practice does enjoy itspositive influences such as expanding horizons and relieving pressure, whichundoubtedly overweigh its disadvantages. It is rational and reasonable toimplement the practice under regulation.
小站教育老师批改后：
Currently, travelling around hasbeen a heated trend among all ages all over the world, which undeniably, isfostered by cheap air travel. The debate over whether cheap air travel exertspositive influences or negative impacts on people’s life has arouseda wide concern. I am inclined to hold the former view, which will be exploredextensively in the essay.【最好点出是好处大于坏处，更准确】
另外，你的第一段结构不错，背景介绍——改写题目——自己的观点。
To begin with, cheap air travelis helpful to expand people’s horizons.【加上On the one hand】Travelling is regarded as the best wayfor people to get acquainted with other cultural (cultures)and increase knowledge.(加上On the other hand,) However,travelling seems to be not available to poor individuals because it needs a largeof 【去掉】sum of money to pay for the flight, hotel and food, and the flight reallyoccupied a high proportion especially for the travelling abroad if it wasexpensive. Thanks to the cheap air travel, expense during the travelling mightbe not an issue any more.
Another advantage that cheap airtravel offers is that it helps to relieve pressure with the globalization andadvanced technology, people might find that it is full of pressure such as workpressure and economic pressure in daily life, which is likely to bring outdepression and repression. Enjoying beautiful scenery offers a way to rechargeour batteries, making us more vibrant and dynamic to face the daily routine.
Admittedly, I fairly understandthose concede that the practice does carry with several drawbacks, among whichthe prominent one is that it might lead to some historical sites be damaged assome tourists are really not polite.【这个理由可以说的更详细，一是文化差异，而是个人行为】Even so, it is still not convincing since Ifirmly believe the hazard can be avoid if we regulate it properly.
【这一段其实你可以主要就文化冲突展开讨论就行，更具体】
Overall, although cheap airtravel does bring out several detrimental effects, the practice does enjoy itspositive influences such as expanding horizons and relieving pressure, whichundoubtedly overweigh its disadvantages. It is rational and reasonable toimplement the practice under regulation.
估分：6.5
评价：文章最大的问题就是对于观点的确立要更准确，分论点的确立要更有针对性，这也就是立意的问题，要注意。
