Somepeople think that computers and the Internet are more important to a child’seducation than going to school. However, others believe that schools andteachers are essential if children wish to learn effectively. Discuss bothviews and give your own opinion.
学生原文：
Inthe present time, Internet plays an increasingly important role in people’sdaily life. For example, online education makes study at home possible. Thoughsome argue that it is teachers other than the Internet that are more effectivein terms of enhancing learning efficiency, I am inclined to hold the oppositeview, which will be explored extensively in the essay.
Tobegin with, computers and the Internet provide a wide range of informationsource. Students can always search the useful information online. For instance,a person who wants to learn English may find varied information such as thetexts, reference books, and learning methods on websites (Taisha forum) merelyby some simple clicks before the computer screen. With the help of these onlinesources, he can adopt a scientific pattern to study. In contrast, mastering somuch information by one teacher seems to be a hard task.
Inaddition, another advantage that online education engenders is that it allowsstudents to ask for help whenever they needs. Useful may be, teachers can notaccompany everybody all the time. This is evidenced by the fact that it is notappropriate to disturb a teacher in the night. However, conditions aredifferent as to computers and the Internet, which offers twenty-four-hourservice.
Iconcede that teachers also bring about several merits. The typical beneficialimpact it creates is that students may find it charming and attractive to studyface to face. Conversely, learning by oneself in front of a thing seems boringwithout communicating with peers, which even leads to depression and anxiety inthe long term. Even so, it is still not convincing since with the advance oftechnology, it gives people a feeling of experiencing by ourselves and I firmlybelieve that this possible hazard will become less significant in the nearfuture.
Admittedly,online learning is not without its detrimental effects. However, the advantagesit contributes to, undoubtedly, outweigh that of studying in schools. It isrational and reasonable to study online.
小站教育老师批改后：
In【at】 the present time, Internet plays an increasingly important role in people’s daily life. For example, online education makes study at home possible. Though some argue that it is teachers other than the Internet that are more effective【essential to children】 in terms of enhancing learning efficiency, I am inclined to hold【可以去掉hold直接用 be inclined to】 the opposite view, which will be explored extensively in the essay【under】.
To begin with, computers and the Internet provide a wide range of information source. Students can always search the useful information online. For instance,a person who wants to learn English may find varied information such as the texts, reference books, and learning methods on websites (Taisha forum) merely by some simple clicks before the computer screen. With the help of these online sources, he【or she】 can adopt a scientific pattern【英文中不太常用，建议参考more suitable and effective learning strategies/approaches 】 to study. In contrast, mastering so much information by【master 和by的搭配欠妥，建议改为with only the help from some single teacher】 one teacher seems to be a hard task.
In addition, another advantage that online education engenders is that it allows students to ask for help whenever they needs【need】. Useful may be, 【since】teachers can not accompany everybody all the time.This is evidenced by the fact that it is not appropriate to disturb a teacher in the night【建议参考 teacher can not be working 24/7 as being a normal human being】. However, conditions are different as to【for】 computers and the Internet, which offers 【补充一个is available around the clock 】twenty-four-hour service.
I concede that 【the existing of the teacher do bring about...】teachers also bring about several merits. 【among which the most prominent one is that】The typical beneficial impact it creates is that students may find it charming and attractive to study face to face. Conversely, learning by oneself in front of a 【cold emotionless machine like a pc】thing seems boring 【the they are deprived of the opportunity to communicate with their peers 】without communicating with peers, which【might】 even leads to depression and anxiety in the long term. Even so, it is still not convincing since with the advance of technology, it gives people a feeling of experiencing by ourselves and I firmly believe that this possible hazard will become less significant【or even be mitigated or overcame】 in the near future.
Admittedly,online learning is not without its detrimental effects. However, the advantagesit contributes to, undoubtedly, outweigh that of studying in schools. It isrational and reasonable to study online.
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文章思路清晰，用词准确，语法也比较到位。偶尔在一些介词的搭配和选择上存在问题，需要多加注意，避免为了突出辞藻而过度用词，文章要讲究得体，该浓墨重彩处要尽力描绘，有些地方该简要就要简要，主次搭配的均衡，不能都是很复杂的排设。文章中又给你补充一些别的表达方式，希望能参考看看，多增加语言的丰富性。请继续加油，争取更上一层楼！
