Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
学生原文：
Nowadays, a trend is that numerous people are fond of embarking on challenging sports events, especially among those dynamic young adults. However, people are involved in the discussion about whether a government should prohibit people from playing risky sports. From my prospective, I encourage the extreme sport, even though it has its adverse effects on people’s life if not do appropriately.
It is evident that a great many virtues could be gained via undertaking hazardous sport activities. Primarily, the extreme sport helps players relieve their pressure and ease their mood. That is because the occupied and busy modern life often deprives people's right of seeking relaxation, however the extreme sport always provide many relaxing ways for people. The popularity of bungee jumping, for example, accounts for risky sports' significant function in terms of reducing stress. Imaginably, people’s work or study efficiency could be highly boosted after doing their favorite extreme sports. Also, not only can the extreme adventures exert wholesome impacts, but also it could foster one's skills, chasten one's tenacity and forge one's frustration toleration. Some extreme adventures，such as rock climbing and surfing, requires high techniques or much perseverance. Ultimately, extreme adventures could be developed into tempting tourism items, which could generate immense economic value.
There are, however, some problems possibly caused by dangerous sports. Specifically, some perilous sports activities tend to become the roots of injuries and agonies. There exist high levels of injuries, which sometimes disable players and even ruin their whole lives. However, if exercise facilities suppliers provide sportsmen with the safest equipment of extreme adventures and players raise their awareness of self-protection, players will get away from the most of risk and will profit from the extreme sport
In sum, I would concede that I encourage the young to play dangerous sports since it can bring numerous benefits to people. Despite that the extreme sport is of danger in some cases. Overall, I am convinced that government should not ban the risky sport.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays, a trend is that numerous people are fond of embarking on【有点不恰当（宜用going in for），或者直接fond of sth即可】challenging sports events, especially among those dynamic young adults. However, people are involved in the discussion about whether a government should prohibit people from playing risky sports. From my prospective【perspective】, I encourage【请注意一般用法为：encourage sb(eg.you give them confidence...);someone is encouraged by something; encourage someone to do something; something encourages a particular activity，基本不太会说sb encourage sth，建议参考：I am in support of ...】 the extreme sport, even though it has its adverse effects on people’s life if 【it is not kept in check】not do appropriately【it is not being done properly】.
It is evident that a great many virtues could be gained via undertaking hazardous sport activities. Primarily, the extreme sport helps players relieve their pressure and ease their mood. That is because the occupied and busy modern life often deprives people's right【deprive sb of sth】 of seeking relaxation, however the extreme sport always provide many relaxing ways for people. The popularity of bungee jumping, for example, accounts for risky sports' significant function in terms of reducing stress【补充个releasing stress/pressure】. Imaginably, people’s work or study efficiency could be highly boosted after doing their favorite extreme sports【as all their (mental )stress has been left by the (thrilling) game】. Also, not only can the extreme adventures exert wholesome impacts, but also it could foster one's skills【physical skills】, chasten one's tenacity【stamina】and forge one's frustration toleration【stress tolerance】.【不错】Some extreme adventures，such as rock climbing and surfing, requires high techniques or much perseverance. Ultimately, extreme adventures could be developed into tempting tourism items【补充个specific tourism projects 】, which could generate immense economic value.
There are, however, some problems possibly caused by dangerous sports. Specifically, some perilous sports activities tend to become the roots of injuries and agonies. There exist high levels of injuries, which sometimes disable players and even ruin their whole lives. 【不错】However, if exercise facilities suppliers provide sportsmen【进行运动的不一定都是运动员】 with the safest equipment of extreme adventures【if all the facility suppliers are qualified and do their due job to provide required facilities，meanwhile... 】and players raise their awareness of self-protection, players will【the chances of getting injuried are highly likely to be minimized】get away from the most of risk and will profit from the extreme sport
In sum, I would concede that I encourage the young to play dangerous sports since it can bring numerous benefits to people. Despite that the extreme sport is of danger in some cases. Overall, 【因果关系更好】I am convinced that government should not ban the risky sport.
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文章很流畅，不少句子用的很好，掺杂了语言的多样性，说服力也达到了，请继续保持！继续加油！
