Business to successful must put more money in advertising.
学生原文：
Companies are struggling for seeking the most profitable strategy to sell their products, in this highly competitive society. In order to appeal fastidious customers, some choose to stubbornly improve the outlook while others try hard to lower the price. However, to my best of knowledge, the most effective one is to put as much money as possible to focus on the visual effect – advertising.
In the first place, what is celebrity to profit, so is bedrock to skyscraper. It is because of star effect that can encourage numerous people, especially crazy fans to buy the idem. For example, my friend, Laura, who is a huge fan for Brad Pitt, continuingly purchase the perfume and watch, which Pitt were advertised for, spending 7,000 yuan in one year without any hesitation. What’s more, an excellent spokesman with high reputation is going to spread a sense that, the quality of the commodity, no matter how expensive, is totally worth the famous star’s promotion, resulting in entrepreneurs getting extreme benefits, by paying only a portion of money. Hence, in no way should not the business not concentrate on advertising most.
In the second place, advertisement is so decisive when it comes to spreading one idem’s special quality because people, especially traditional Chinese, have a tendency to buy products which they are familiar with, or at least they’ve heard. According to a survey conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Science, 85 percent of 20,000 people across the country, including Beijing, Tianjing, Xi’an Shanghai and Guangzhou, when asking about their preference about new unknown or well-known food, choosed well famous ones, some of whom explaining that, facing food security problems day and night, they have less trust in new products’ quality. Therefore, even small companies, ensuring the quality, at the same time, should devote countless money to advertising.
Admittedly, there are other crucial catalysts, such as appearance, or rational price that need to be concerned about, to appeal more customers, but only at the premise of wide acknowledge, can one business, at first aiming at occupying a place in the commercial market, take account of those issues.
In summary, from the reason mentioned above, the more money on advertising, the less risks, that business are unable to thrive. It can be predicted that, in a not-too-distant future, companies, whose emphasis on advertising, are going to aim higher and walk farther.
小站教育老师批改后：
Companies are struggling for seeking the most profitable strategy to sell their products, in this highly competitive society. In order to appeal fastidious customers, some choose to stubbornly improve the outlook while others try hard to lower the price. However, to my best of knowledge【改为to the best of my knowledge】, the most effective one is to put as much money as possible to focus on the visual effect– advertising【没有正面明确的表述自己对于题目的观点，就是没有正面回答题目的观点，只是说了最好的方法是广告，但是没有标明为了成功必须投资广告?】.
In the first place, what is celebrity to profit, so is bedrock to skyscraper. It is because of star effect that can encourage numerous people, especially crazy fans to buy the idem【改为item】. For example, my friend, Laura, who is a huge fan for Brad Pitt, continuingly【改为continuously】purchase the perfume and watch, which Pitt were advertised for, spending 7,000 yuan in one year without any hesitation. What’s more, an excellent spokesman with high reputation is going to spread a sense that, the quality of the commodity, no matter how expensive, is totally worth the famous star’s promotion, resulting in entrepreneurs getting extreme benefits, by paying only a portion of money. Hence, in no way should not the business not concentrate on advertising most【否定太多了，句子有点拗口！不顺~】.
In the second place, advertisement is so decisive when it comes to spreading one idem’s【改为item’s】 special quality because people, especially traditional Chinese, have a tendency to buy products which they are familiar with, or at least they’ve heard【开头句不够简练，注意每个论证段的开头句要写成既能有力论证观点又能概括本段中心大意的句子作为本段的主旨句，建议多参考一下范文的内容格式~】. According to a survey conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Science, 85 percent of 20,000 people across the country, including Beijing, Tianjing, Xi’an Shanghai and Guangzhou, when asking【改 being asked,因为是被动】 about their preference about new unknown or well-known food, choosed【变形错误】 well famous ones, some of whom explaining that, facing food security problems day and night, they have less trust in new products’ quality【这句话结构完全不通顺，建议做好断句，注意句子结构的完整性，一句话要用完整的主语谓语宾语~】. Therefore, even small companies, ensuring the quality, at the same time, should devote countless money to advertising.
Admittedly, there are other crucial catalysts, such as appearance, or rational price that need to be concerned about, to appeal more customers, but only at the premise of wide acknowledge, can one business, at first aiming at occupying a place in the commercial market, take account of those issues【还是同样的问题，一段话连个断句都没有，句子结构极其不通顺~】.
In summary, from the reason mentioned above, the more money on advertising, the less risks, that business are unable to thrive. It can be predicted that, in a not-too-distant future, companies, whose emphasis on advertising, are going to aim higher and walk farther.
注意句子结构完全不通顺，建议做好断句，注意句子结构的完整性，一句话要用完整的主语谓语宾语~
注意每个论证段的开头句要写成既能有力论证观点又能概括本段中心大意的句子作为本段的主旨句，建议多参考一下范文的内容格式~!
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