Some people believe that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe that it is individuals' responsibility to care for their diet and health? Discuss both sides and give your opinion?
学生原文：
Recently, people are involved in the discussion about whether a duty of citizen’s healthy diet should be shouldered by the government or everyone. From my perspective, governments and individuals should assume the common duty.
A government should shoulder unshirkable obligation to ensure its people’s health. Primarily, many and various ads are the underlying reasons of unhealthy dietary habit. Consumers always unavoidably eat too much unhealthy food after watching inviting images of fast foods on TV, which is physically detrimental. However, a government is, essentially, a group of people who has the responsibility to govern economic and social activities of state. Therefore, the government should place limits on advertisements about unhealthy fast food and enact legislations to impose a heavy tax upon it. Also, a government can also make good use of the mass media. Not only should a government popularize the importance of keeping a balanced, but also it should advocate idea about wholesome dietary habit.
Nonetheless, people’s diet and health still is principally an individual responsibility.
Firstly, people’s healthy diet is only prepared by themselves rather than a government. Specifically, healthy diet includes some fruits and vegetables. Since fruits and vegetables are high in nutritional value which is beneficial to people’ health. Likewise, doing some regular physical exercise is a must in the interests of people‘s health. As a result, not only can people strengthen their immune system, but also people can relieve their pressures. Obviously, people’s diet and health are up to each individual and the government has no right to interfere with individual options, since the government is not all-powerful and its function is limited.
In sum, although a government is obligated to provide healthy environment for people, the duty of personal health should be shouldered by each individual. Overall, I am convinced that joint efforts have to be made by the government and people.
小站教育老师批改后：
Recently, people are involved in the discussion about whether a duty of citizen’s healthy diet【a duty of keeping...; the duty to keep...】 should be shouldered by the government or everyone【everyone有所有人的意思表示的整体(You use everyone or everybody to refer to all people)，要强调每个个体的话建议使用every single person】. From my perspective, governments and individuals should assume the common duty【common在这里使用，理解上会觉得你assume的duty是相同的。建议参考both should take their own share of responsibility 】.
A government should shoulder unshirkable obligation to ensure its people’s health. Primarily, many and various ads are the underlying reasons of unhealthy dietary habit. Consumers always unavoidably【或者inevitably】eat too much unhealthy food after watching inviting images of fast foods on TV, which is physically detrimental. However, a government is, essentially, a group of people who has the responsibility to govern economic and social activities of【the】state. Therefore, the government should place limits on advertisements about unhealthy fast food and enact legislations to impose a heavy tax upon it. Also, a government can also【有点重复】make good use of the mass media. Not only should a government popularize the importance of keeping a balanced【diet】, but also it should advocate【the】idea about wholesome dietary habit.
Nonetheless, people’s diet and health still is principally an individual responsibility.
Firstly, people’s healthy diet is only prepared by themselves rather than a government. Specifically, healthy diet includes some fruits and vegetables. Since fruits and vegetables are high in nutritional value which is beneficial to people’ health.【不是很能理解这两句和证明个人的responsibility之间的关联性，此外下面几句话给我的感觉是你在说明健康的重要性....】 Likewise, doing some regular physical exercise is a must in the interests of people‘s health. As a result, not only can people strengthen their immune system, but also people can relieve their pressures. Obviously, people’s diet and health are up to each individual and the government has no right to interfere with individual options, since the government is not all-powerful and【补充个：you must admit the fact that there 's a limit to what they can do 】its function is limited.
In sum, although a government is obligated to provide healthy environment【健康的环境?还是你想表达一个注重健康的氛围：create/establish a culture/environment where healthy is sufficiently valued (by each individual)】for people, the duty of personal health should be shouldered by each individual. Overall, I am convinced that joint efforts have to be made by the government and people.
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点评：
很认真~点赞！硬件方面问题不大，你的文章已经有自己固定的模式，能熟练使用一些语片和布局方法，文章内容上可以自己的再调整，总体不错。
