Topic:In many countries, good school and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teacher and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years. What is your view?
学生原文：
Admittedly, it is quite common in many countries that good schools and medical facilities are only available in cities while people from rural areas have difficulties to access. Whether the universities graduates who become doctors and teachers should work in rural areas for some time is highly debatable. My opinion is that this suggestion is practical.
Obviously, there are some benefits to the fresh graduates who work as doctors and teachers in rural areas. For example, they can enhance their physical and mental health by experiencing hard life and circumstance which is totally different from the comfortable life in city. This will make them more prepared when they face difficult in future. Secondly, the sense of responsibility to the whole society will be developed by helping with others. They will feel proud by helping with others, which makes the society more civilized. Furthermore, they would be more skilled in teaching and diagnosing comparing with their colleagues in cities as they have more chance to practice.
Not only will the fresh graduates be beneficial from such idea, but also the local residents. They can receive more formal education and better treatment. Theoretically, the disparity between cities and rural areas could be reduced effectively by implementing such idea.
However, every coin has two sides. The side effect of this idea is also outstanding as the fresh graduates may not gain good working experience due to the rural areas are lack of good facilities and experienced staff to help and supervise them. They may have difficulty in competing with others when they back to cities after several years. Moreover, some of them may treat their job negatively as they are not willing to go to rural areas.
Therefore, it is not wise to send all the fresh doctors and teachers to rural areas to work for a few years. The freedom of choice should be left to themselves. The government should raise some good policies to encourage those who are willing to help and support rural areas.
小站教育老师批改后：
Admittedly, it is quite common in many countries that good schools and medical facilities are only available in cities 【这句话和题目太雷同，不好】while people from rural areas have difficulties to access. (accessing)【背景介绍，完全可以就农村和城市之间的资源分配的不公平来展开】Whether the universities graduates who become doctors and teachers should work in rural areas for some time is highly debatable. 【改写题目】My opinion is that this suggestion is practical.【自己的观点】
Obviously, there are some benefits to the fresh graduates who work as doctors and teachers in rural areas. For example, they can enhance their physical and mental health by experiencing hard life and circumstance which is totally different from the comfortable life in city. This will make them more prepared when they face difficult in future. Secondly, the sense of responsibility to the whole society will be developed by helping with 【去掉】others. They will feel proud by helping with 【去掉】others, which makes the 【不要The】society more civilized. Furthermore, they would be more skilled in teaching and diagnosing comparing (compared) with their colleagues in cities as they have more chance to practice.
Not only will the fresh graduates be beneficial from such idea, but also the local residents.【这个句式好，亮点】They can receive more formal education and better treatment. Theoretically, the disparity between cities and rural areas could be reduced effectively by implementing such idea.
However, every coin has two sides. The side effect of this idea is also outstanding as the fresh graduates may not gain good working experience 【这句话总结的不太好。可以说他们缺乏竞争力】due to the rural areas are lack of good facilities and experienced staff to help and supervise them. They may have difficulty in competing with others when they(go) back to cities after several years. Moreover, some of them may treat their job negatively as they are not willing to go to rural areas.
Therefore, it is not wise to send all the fresh doctors and teachers to rural areas to work for a few years. The freedom of choice should be left to themselves. The government should raise some good policies to encourage those who are willing to help and support rural areas.
估分：6.5
评价：文章论证地思路清晰合理。但是关于分析一个事物的优缺点，最好可以对1-2个方面在不同的段落里重点阐释，这比你说出它的几个方面却都没有分析透彻好;同时注意一些细节，低级错误尽量避免。
