The government should pay for people’s health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
学生原文：
Health care and education are basic human rights and needs. Whether government should pay for citizen’s health care and education has aroused discussion. I believe that it is the government that should be in charge of this welfare system.
Since taxation is a significant source of government revenue, the authorities are supposed to reward citizens with corresponding public welfare programme. Provided that the welfare could not satisfy the taxpayers, they would be reluctant to obey the existing tax policy thus causing social instability. Apart from this, it imposes a heavy burden on people who live in chronic poverty without free medical treatment or education. These families would have trouble providing their children with qualified schooling or in-time medical care. Therefore, the trend would exert a negative effect on mortality and crime rate due to lack of discipline. Also,compared with countries owning robust public welfare system, the society without it ensured apparently widens the gap between the poor and the rich. Because the poor can hardly afford pricy treatment while that bothers the counterpart little.
However, too much revenue allocated for social welfare such as health care or education system probably forces the government to divert financial resources from other fields to it. In this occasion, infrastructure improvement, military technology and public transport system,etc.may be under-funded. Thus it is essential for government to keep balance between educational and health care needs and others.
In conclusion, government is duty-bound to offer social welfare to reward taxpayers in order not to widen the gap between the poor and the rich or lead to social unrest, yet proper policy should be adopted to avoid latent imbalance of distribution.
小站教育老师批改后：
Health care and education are basic human rights and needs. Whether government should pay for citizen’s health care and education has aroused discussion. I believe that it is the government that should be in charge of this welfare system.【要体现出To what extent ，你最好加一个totally或者说政府承担大部分，私人企业赞助一部分】
Since taxation is a significant source of government revenue, the authorities are supposed to reward citizens with corresponding public welfare programme. Provided that the welfare could not satisfy the taxpayers, they would be reluctant to obey the existing tax policy thus causing social instability.【分段】【这一段阐述政府承担的原因之一：公民纳税，政府提供公共服务】
Apart from this, it imposes a heavy burden on people who live in chronic poverty without free medical treatment or education. These families would have trouble providing their children with qualified schooling or in-time medical care. Therefore, the trend would exert a negative effect on mortality and crime rate due to lack of discipline. Also,compared with countries owning robust public welfare system, the society without it ensured apparently widens the gap between the poor and the rich. Because the poor can hardly afford pricy treatment while that bothers the counterpart little.【这段阐述原因之二：保持社会稳定，缩小社会差距】
这样一分段，段落的结构会更清晰，更流畅。每一段最好阐述一层意思。
However, too much revenue allocated for social welfare such as health care or education system probably forces the government to divert financial resources from other fields to it. In this occasion, infrastructure improvement, military technology and public transport system,etc.【and so on 不要缩写】may be under-funded. Thus it is essential for government to keep balance between educational and health care needs and others.【保持平衡是重要的，但是前提是一定要保证公共服务可以正常运行，因为政府的税收是有限的，开支的地方很多，因此有必要向私人企业寻求赞助，这才是最好的办法】
In conclusion, government is duty-bound to offer social welfare to reward taxpayers in order not to widen the gap between the poor and the rich or lead to social unrest, yet proper policy should be adopted to avoid latent imbalance of distribution.
估分：6-6.5
评价：文章的论述很透彻，不错。两点建议：1.分段；2.中心论点的确立更准确一点为好，要通过你的中心论点去回答题目的问题，这是基本要求，不能模棱两可，有争议或者不够完善。
