Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?children should play sports only for fun, so they shouldn't attend competitions.
学生原文：
Nowadays, lots of people states that since children should play sports only for fun, they shouldn't attend competition. They think the competition always hurtthe friendship between children. However, I think though children need to playsport for fun, but competition is also essential for them.
Admittedly, playing for fun can help children in various aspects. Lots ofgames, like basketball, football, or baseball, need the cooperate of severalchildren. In this collaboration, the bend between children can improve. Maybethey can be friends in the future. And their communication skill can beimproving as well. However, competition have it own advantage that purefun-playing can't offer.
Competition can give us the conviction to dream and ask us never to give up no matterwhat happens. We all failed in competition. Competition is the compete ofability, if we lose, it must be the fault of ourselves. But this failure canhelp us learn to accept the lost and retrospect ourselves, looking for theproblem and trying to correct them. This small failure can't destroy us. On thecontrast, they make us stronger. In real life, we would also meet failure. Inthis situation, the person after competition may look for problem fromthemselves and try to recover from failure .But the people without failureexperience may complain for others or be pessimistic to themselves and give upthemselves. You can see, the one who success must be the person who haveexperience in competition.
Competition can also help us learn the spirit of Olympic--the hope of peace andthe spirit of collaboration. During the Olympic game, all people in the worldare watching the same match. Although in some part of the world, some countriesare still in war, but on the Olympic, the athletes from these countries aresmiling at each other and praying for the peace for both sides, Like theRussian and Ukraine athletes in the 2014 winter Olympic game. The worldcompetition can improve the relationship between different country, just likethe Olympic spirit-- one world, one dream. There're adolescent Olympic forchildren, helping them meet people from all of the world. It's quite beneficialfor children, because in the future, they must deal with international event.
All in all, the competition can benefit children in many places. They shouldplay sport for fun as well as for competition, giving them both conviction inlife and the hope of peace.
小站教育老师批改后：
Nowadays, lots of people states[state] that since children should play sports only for fun, they shouldn't attend competition. They think the competition always hurt the friendship between children. However, I think though children need to play sport for fun, but competition is also essential for them.[开头有改进的空间，建议参照范文做出改进]
Admittedly, playing for fun can help children in various aspects. Lots of games, like basketball, football, or baseball, need the cooperate[cooperation]of several children. In this collaboration, the bend between children can improve. Maybe they can be friends in the future. And their communication skill can be improving as well. However, competition have it own advantage that pure fun-playing can't offer. [虽然没有什么语法错误，但是表达不够地道的感觉，句式也比较单调]
Competition can give us the conviction to dream and ask us never to give up no matter what happens. We all failed in competition[这句话放在这里很突兀，跟上下文没有什么必然的联系]. Competition is the compete of ability, if we lose, it must be the fault of ourselves. But this failure can help us learn to accept the lost and retrospect ourselves, looking for the problem and trying to correct them. This small failure can't destroy us. On the contrast, they make us stronger. In real life, we would also meet failure. In this situation, the person after competition may look for problem from themselves and try to recover from failure. But the people without failure experience may complain for others or be pessimistic to themselves and give up themselves. You can see, the one who success must be the person who have experience in competition.[论证逻辑有点牵强，过多篇幅放在论证失败对一个人的积极作用，只有经历了失败才会成功，后来有偷换了概念说参加了竞争性的东西就会成功，这两个不是一个概念，参加比赛并不一定总是失败]
Competition can also help us learn the spirit of Olympic--the hope of peace and the spirit of collaboration[这个论点比较出彩]. During the Olympic game, all people in the world are watching the same match. Although in some part of the world, some countries are still in war, but on the Olympic[你可以这样说，奥林匹克期间，不允许战争发生，即使有战争的国家在此期间也必须休战~这样看起来更美好~], the athletes from these countries are smiling at each other and praying for the peace for both sides, Like the Russian and Ukraine athletes in the 2014 winter Olympic game[可以稍微描述一下什么情况]. The world competition can improve the relationship between different country[countries], just like the Olympic spirit-- one world, one dream[好像是北京奥运会的精神]. There're adolescent Olympic for children, helping them meet people from all of the world[all over the world]. It's quite beneficial for children, because in the future, they must deal with international event.
All in all, the competition can benefit children in many places. They should play sport for fun as well as for competition, giving them both conviction in life and the hope of peace.[结尾有点简略]
小站教育老师点评：
预估分数：3.5
语言表达虽然没有大的错误，但是感觉差点火候，总体结构不错，开头结尾需要修改；部分句子的连贯程度不够。
