Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.
学生作文：
Watching movies and televisions is an important part of our lives, and they influence our lives in many aspects. Some people believe that these mass media should always show happy endings to their audience. However, I think it is an overstatement. From my point of view, movie and television makers should be flexible about the plots and endings in order to make a success.
It is universally acknowledged that people at different ages have different requirements. Movies and televisions are made for educating or entertaining, so it is necessary to make different movies for different-aged people according to their needs. For children, they like seeing good people are rewarded but bad people are punished in movies and televisions, for they have a pure mind. In addition, they need to be educated and their minds are so vulnerable that they can easily be affected by the plots. If the evil get rewarded at the end while the good received punished, it is very likely for children to be astray on their roads to growth. On the other hand, most university students favor movies and televisions containing some philosophic values that deserved to ponder, rather than happy yet simple endings. Supposed to be though justice is, we should admit that it is not what the society really is. Those college students need mass media to help them get prepared for the real and complex society by being shown that the unjust things actually exist.
Plus, it gradually becomes a platitude that good people and bad people should always be treated fairly. With the development of means of enjoyment, people’s tastes are also becoming more and more complicated now. Stories with happy endings were popular before, but now an increasing number of people feel that they are boring and hate them in a sense. My experience here can serve as a good example. I remember one day I went to cinema with my friends to enjoy a movie. During watching it, we could decide how the characters would end up just judging from their quality-good or bad. And it turned out we were correct when the movie ended. We all felt that this movie were too naïve and might be aimed for kids, not for adults. Happy-ending movies or televisions were good a hundred years ago, but they have been kind of old-fashioned today.
People in different age groups prefer different plots and endings of movies and televisions. What is more, movies that show good persons end up good and evil persons end up bad are not as interesting as they were one hundred years ago. If a director or an editor always makes his or her works in such old ways, he or she cannot succeed.
老师批改后：
Watching movies and televisions is an important part of our lives, and they influence our lives in many aspects. Some people believe that these mass media should always show happy endings to their audience. However, I think it is an overstatement. From my point of view, movie and television makers should be flexible about the plots and endings in order to make a success. 【开头很好!】
It is universally acknowledged that people at different ages have different requirements. Movies and televisions are made for educating or entertaining, so it is necessary to make different movies for different-aged people according to their needs. For children, they like seeing good people are rewarded but bad people are punished in movies and televisions, for they have a pure mind. In addition, they need to be educated and their minds are so vulnerable that they[去掉] can easily be affected by the[去掉] plots. If the evil get[a evil got] rewarded at the end[in the end/at the end of the story] while the good received punished, it is very likely for children to be astray on their roads[on their road,习惯用法，同on the way] to growth. On the other hand, most university students favor movies and televisions containing[contain]some philosophic values that deserved[deserve] to ponder[deserve to be pondered], rather than happy yet simple endings[略显突兀]. 【整句话可以改为most university students favor that it is the movie or TV program that contains some philosophic values, rather than happy yet simple endings deserve to be pondered,】Supposed to be though justice is[???], we should admit that it is not what the society really is. Those college students need mass media to help them [to] get prepared for the real and complex society by being shown that the unjust things actually exist[改为exposed to unjust scenes更符合英文行文习惯].
Plus, it gradually becomes a platitude that good people and bad people should always be treated fairly. With the development of means of enjoyment, people’s tastes are also becoming more and more complicated now. Stories with happy endings were popular before, but now an increasing number of people feel that they are boring and hate them in a sense【偷换主语】. My experience here can serve as a good example. I remember one day I went to cinema with my friends to enjoy a movie. During watching it, we could decide how the characters would end up just judging from their quality-good or bad[???]. And it turned out we were correct when the movie ended. We all felt that this movie were too naïve and might be aimed for kids, not for adults. Happy-ending movies or televisions were good a hundred years ago, but they have been kind of old-fashioned today.
People in different age groups prefer different plots and endings of movies and televisions. What is more, movies that show good persons end up good and evil persons end up bad are not as interesting as they were one hundred years ago. If a director or an editor always makes his or her works in such old ways, he or she cannot succeed.
Ponder一般和over一起用，ponder over/ponder s.th over, 意思是仔细思考某事
Help s.b to do s,th
Plus一般很少放在句首，较多的用法是“加上”，比如5 plus 3 is 8. 并列结构有很多短语可以表达，what’s more, in addition, meanwhile等等
逻辑比较清晰，无typo，词汇运用基本合理。
你的论点是孩子喜欢简单的剧情，大人则不然，而文章对孩子那一部分的侧重比较少，造成文章说服力不够。
部分句子表达不是很地道，有些则不能很好的达意，注意时态和冠词的使用。
预估分数：3.5
老师建议:
1.尝试用反面观点来进行论证。
2.写文章前先制定写作大纲。
3.写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。
4.注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。
5.论证方式要多样化。
6.注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。
