作文批改前：
Whether the government should supportartist or not?
Given that people should earn their livingby themselves, people think it is not necessary to financially support artists.However, it is time to burst the bubble. In this essay, I will address my reasons for claimingthat government shouldn’t overlook art, but, in fact, has the responsibility oftaking care of artists.
It is the artist that is often afflicted bypoverty. One reason for this is that most people living in current society lackthe basic knowledge to appreciate a masterpiece of art. When it comes toincome, most artists rarely sell their works, living a poor life. Even some artistsgive up this career due to poverty. However, I believe it is time to changethis situation. Were the government to implement the subsidy of artists or artwork, these artists would develop their work and without difficulty earning aliving. Therefore, the more government lends a hand to artists, the more artistsare released from financial burden, resulting in more outstanding works createdby artists.
In addition, another reason behind mythinking is that, without any aid from government, the death of art will comesoon. Coincident with the prosperity, our society considers creativityfashionable; the young often overlook traditional art, creating their ownstyle. However, this will result in their being ignored by the next generation. In my opinion, government should support the artistinsisting on maintaining traditional art; otherwise, old art would becomeextinct.
Finally, to educate our kids is my lastreason for supporting artists. It is known that art stands for the spirit ofthe person which is worth remembering forever. The LincolnMemorial, for example, was created to memorialize the spirit of President Lincoln and hisresolution to defend human rights. Thanks to the support from government, thekids who appreciate art are also educated to be more resolved.
In conclusion, not only do the financialsupports from government protect artists from poverty, but it also can preservetraditional culture. In addition, the art works supported by a governmentprovide kids a chance of remembering the spirit of our ancestors.
小站作文批改后：
Whether the government should supportartist or not?
Given that people should earn their livingby 【打字时要注意间隔】themselves, people think it is not necessary to financially support artists.However, it is time to burst the bubble. In this essay, I will address my reasons for claimingthat government shouldn’t overlook art, but, in fact, has the responsibility oftaking care of artists.【首段的话题展开还可以丰富些】
【+First,注意段落的衔接】It is the artist that is often afflicted bypoverty. One reason for this is that most people living in current society lackthe basic knowledge to appreciate a masterpiece of art.【most这个说法有些绝对了】 When it comes toincome, most artists rarely sell their works, living a poor life. Even some artistsgive up this career due to poverty. However, I believe it is time to changethis situation. Were the government to implement the subsidy of artists or artwork, these artists would develop【further】 their work and without difficulty earning aliving [+without difficult,注意语序和谓语并列]. Therefore, the more government lends a hand to artists, the more artistsare released from financial burden, resulting in more outstanding works createdby artists.【此段论证比较充分合理】
In addition, another reason behind mythinking is that, without any aid from government, the death of art will comesoon.【这个分观点有些耸人听闻了！可以缩小范围，the traditional art】 Coincident with the prosperity, our society considers creativityfashionable; the young often overlook traditional art, creating their ownstyle. However, this will result in their being ignored by the next generation. In my opinion, government should support the artistinsisting [to insist] on maintaining traditional art; otherwise, old art would becomeextinct.【此段主旨句表述不清】
Finally, to educate our kids is my lastreason for supporting artists. It is known that art stands for the spirit ofthe person which is worth remembering forever.[你确定art的主要功能在于纪念名人？] The LincolnMemorial, for example, was created to memorialize the spirit of President Lincoln and hisresolution to defend human rights. Thanks to the support from government, thekids who appreciate art are also educated to be more resolved.【主旨句和后面论述结合不够紧密，论证不够充分，部分措辞值得商榷】
In conclusion, not only do the financialsupports from government protect artists from poverty, but it also can preservetraditional culture. In addition, the art works supported by a governmentprovide kids 【with】a chance of remembering the spirit of our ancestors.
1. Topic Development：
首段话题展开不是很充分，给出了主旨句，立场鲜明，观点表述很清晰！
2、Organization:
总分总结构，主体段落部分有三个论述段，结构清晰完整！
3、Language use:
语言精炼，词汇量比较丰富，句式有一定的多样性，语法上出现一些错误，详见批注！
4、Strength:
结构清晰，立场鲜明，词汇量和句式比较丰富！
5、Weakness:
主体段的主旨句的组织还不是很到位，逻辑也有问题，部分分论点论证不够充分，而且和例证结合不够紧密！
6、Improvement:
同学对独立写作的结构思路还是比较清楚的，但主旨句的表述上还不是很到位，有点绝对化，部分逻辑不能让人信服，所以建议同学平时多参考范文，提高自己的思辨能力。同时多写多练，是自己的文章丰富饱满起来
| Independent Task | Level ：Good |
| 4.00 | 25 |
