托福写作批改：知识重要还是能力重要？

Which is more important in one's career life? The working knowledge and skills or the ability to adapt to new conditions.

学生原文：

Modern people tend to liken workplace to battlefield. Warriors are waving their sword—their working knowledge, trying to sit in the throne and longing for promotion. But to win this battle, soldiers also require deliberate strategy—ability to adapt to new conditions. People think they have found a shortcut to success with an excellent adapting skill nowadays, but that is not the whole story. Admittedly, knowledge proficiency and social flexibility are our talismans in career life. But if one is available, the former is of more importance.

In high-end industry, such as computer, the knowledge speaks volume. The origin for the programmer is to develop brand new applications, bringing convenience to people. Moreover, they have more close contact with computer and code than with their girlfriends. In such workplace, people are busy coding the program, who cares whether you, the freshmen, have made friend with every colleagues? Adapting to the new environment will not do any favor in exploring programs. For example, at the start of Jan koum entrepreneur, he was completely ignored by his colleagues and boss. If the adapting skill were crucial, he should not have been developed WhatsApp, which hits the world later. He finally sold the application at a big price. Therefore, in the career path, the working knowledge is more treasured.

A person with poor working knowledge will never stand a chance to be accepted by the new environment, new condition. Employers are finding a skilled worker who can make a fortune for the company, instead of knowing his favorite brand; colleagues like the friend who has compelling working skill and can settle the problem together. Simply put, knowledge proficiency is the cornerstone for an employee to blend in the new environment. For example, after graduation, my cousin found a job in the bank. As a financing clerk, shaming, he could barely recall any knowledge about finance. Although trying to contact and make friend with colleagues, he received cold responses, because he never helped the bank to get any valuable contract.

Admittedly, social flexibility is a powerful weapon to get promotion. No one likes a strange and arrogant genius for fear that he will spoil the harmony working environment. But, for ordinary people, adaption is all about the time. Given some time, everyone will find a comfort zone in the new condition. But knowledge proficiency requires years of accumulation. It is harder to find an employee who has mastery of knowledge than find a flexible worker.

In conclusion, imagine our work as a sophisticated machine, which one do you think is more precious?The precise and parts, or the cheap lubricating oil?Thus, I want to give a piece of advice for the new graduates. Working skill is always the mighty competence for you. Desert the ridiculous daydream; you will not get promotion from ingratiating your boss. Open your book right now.

   小站教育老师批改后：

Modern people tend to liken workplace to battlefield. Warriors are waving their sword—their working knowledge, trying to sit in the throne and longing for promotion. But to win this battle, soldiers also require deliberate strategy—[the] ability to adapt to new conditions. People think they have found a shortcut to success with an excellent adapting skill nowadays, [其实是elasticity] but that is not the whole story. Admittedly, knowledge proficiency and social flexibility are our talismans in career life. But if one is available, [这话什么意思？] the former is of more importance.

In high-end industry, such as computer, the knowledge speaks volume louder]. The origin for the programmer is to develop brand new applications, bringing convenience to people. Moreover, they have more close contact with computer and code than with their girlfriends. In such workplace, people are busy coding the program, who cares whether you, the freshmen, have made friend with every colleagues[单数]Adapting to the new environment will not do any favor in exploring programs. [有些过了，真的一点好处都没有？]For example, at the start of Jan koum [专有名词要大写] entrepreneur, he was completely ignored by his colleagues and boss. If the adapting skill were crucial, he should not have been developed WhatsApp, which hits the world later. He finally sold the application at a big price. Therefore, in the career path, the working knowledge is more treasured.

A person with poor working knowledge will never stand a chance to be accepted by the new environment, new condition. Employers are finding a skilled worker who can make a fortune for the company, instead of knowing his favorite brand; colleagues like [adore] the friend who has compelling working skill and can settle the problem together. Simply put, knowledge proficiency is the cornerstone for an employee to blend in the new environment. For example, after graduation, my cousin found a job in the [a]bank. As a financing clerk, shaming, he could barely recall any knowledge about finance. Although trying to contact and make friend with colleagues, he received cold responses, because he never helped the bank to get any valuable contract.

Admittedly, social flexibility is a powerful weapon to get promotion. No one likes a strange and arrogant genius for fear that he will spoil the harmony working environment. But, for ordinary people, adaption is all about the time. Given some time, everyone will find a comfort zone in the new condition. But knowledge proficiency requires years of accumulation. It is harder to find an employee who has mastery of knowledge than find a flexible worker.

In conclusion, imagine our work as a sophisticated machine, which one do you think is more precious? The precise and parts, or the cheap lubricating oil? Thus, I want to give a piece of advice for the new graduates. Working skill is always the mighty competence for you. Desert the ridiculous daydream; you will not get promotion from ingratiating your boss. Open your book right now. [最后一句有些霸道了......]

预估分数：4.6

这篇中，不足在于你有一处地方逻辑不严谨，写作尽量不要太绝对。

有一些表达还不够灵活，此外，说话也要注意度，不要太强势。

最后注意语法细节。