托福写作批改：20年后会有更多休闲时间？

20 years from now, people will have more leisure time than they do now. Do you agree?

学生原文：

Nowadays more and more people believe thatwe’ll have more leisure time in the future. From my perspective, I totallyagree with that. Because of the development of science and technology and thechange of people’s attitude, people will be able to have more free time and enjoytheir own lives.

First, robots will be commonplace in everyone’shome, which will enable people especially housewives to have more leisure time.The past few years have witnessed the amazing development of robots. Now thescientists have already produced robots that are able to clean floors, washdishes and take out garbage. Technology will develop even more rapidly than itdoes today, so it’s reasonable to believe that in the future, every family canown a robot. Therefore, robots will share most of the housework and people canbe freed from these household chores. Now my mom spends more than 2hours on household every day and she can hardly spare time for her own interest.If robots can do housework for her, she can enjoy much more leisure time and dothings she’s interested in.

Besides, technology will improve people’work efficiency and let people have more leisure time. In fact, our workefficiency is much higher than the past. We use cellphone to contact peopleinstead of writing letters, travel by car instead of walking, use computer todeal with statics instead of using our hands. Therefore, it’s an inevitabletrend that technology will make people work even more efficiently in the future.3D technology will enable us to hold a meeting without everyone appearing inperson, the car’s speed will be increased to a higher level, and we’ll inventmore tools to help us with complicated work. In this way, we work moreeffectively and thus enjoy more leisure time.

In addition, people’ attitude towards workand relax will change in the future. Research shows that people with higherliving standards and income tend to work less hours a week and have more rest. Nowmany people still have to work day and night to make a living and support theirfamilies. But in the future, people’s living standard will improve and they’lldecrease working hours to have more leisure time and enjoy their own lives.

Our lives now is much better than it was 20years ago, and the future looks even more fantastic. With the development ofscience and technology and the change of people’s attitude, I’m convinced that peoplecan enjoy more leisure time in the future.

   小站教育老师批改后：

Nowadays more and more people believe that we’ll have more leisure time in the future. From my perspective, I totally agree with that. Because of the development of science and technology and the change of people’s attitude, people will be able to have more free time and enjoy their own lives.【开篇引入中规中矩，无可挑剔】

First, robots will be common place in everyone’s home, which will enable people especially housewives to have more leisure time.The past few years have witnessed the amazing development of robots. Now the scientists have already produced robots that are able to clean floors, wash dishes and take out garbage. Technology will develop even more rapidly than it does today, so it’s reasonable to believe that in the future, every family can own a robot. Therefore, robots will share most of the housework and people can be freed from these household chores. Now my mom spends more than 2 hours on household every day and she can hardly spare time for her own interest. If robots can do housework for her, she can enjoy much more leisure time and do things she’s interested in.【论点有说服力，论证严谨】

Besides, technology will improve people’work efficiency and let people have more leisure time. In fact, our work efficiency is much higher than the past. We use cellphone to contact people instead of writing letters, travel by car instead of walking, use computer to deal with statics instead of using our hands. Therefore, it’s an inevitable trend that technology will make people work even more efficiently in the future.3D technology will enable us to hold a meeting without everyone appearing inperson, the car’s speed will be increased to a higher level, and we’ll invent more tools to help us with complicated work. In this way, we work more effectively and thus enjoy more leisure time.【论点有说服力，论证充分】

In addition, people’ attitude towards work and relax【relaxation】 will change in the future. Research shows that people with higher living standards and income tend to work less hours a week and have more rest. Now many people still have to work day and night to make a living and support their families. But in the future, people’s living standard will improve and they’ll decrease working hours to have more leisure time and enjoy their own lives.

Our lives now is much better than it was 20 years ago, and the future looks even more fantastic. With the development of science and technology and the change of people’s attitude, I’m convinced that people can enjoy more leisure time in the future.【总结概括得很全面】

【整体很不错，语言运用得体，论证也充分严谨】