托福写作批改：11月第二周托福高分作文2

Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage.

学生原文：

The reading passage claimed that there is several evidence to verify the truth of Peary\'s claims about having reached the North Pole. This claim is not in agreement with the lecture, which suggests that there is no solid evidence of his claim and the statements are not convincing.

According to the reading passage, the National Geographic Society examined Peary\'s records and equipment and then proved his claim. The lecture, by contrast, asserts that the National Geographic Society was not totally objective, because some members were Peary\'s friends who donated money to this adventure. They did not carefully examined the records and they had bias towards the Peary.

Moreover, contrary to the belief in the reading passage that the time period and speed of Peary were reasonable, the lecture refutes that Avery did not take food with them, thus Avery\'s dogsleds weighed less and the speed was faster. However, Peary transported much more things including food and they encountered terrible weather. Avery\'s adventure could not lend support to Peary\'s.

Finally, the reading passage argues that the Peary\'s photographs could be the evidence of his claim because according to the shadows in the photographs, the estimated Surf\'s position had no difference with the natural one. But the lecture rebuts that the shadows could not be measured precisely as the photographs were taken by primitive camera and the photographs faded. We cannot use them to get the accurate conclusion.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Parents today are more involved in their children\'s education than were parents in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In today\'s society, people come to realize that good education will be conducive to their children. Thus, an increasing number of parents begin to put a premium on their children\'s education. Based in this, I agree with the statement that parents today are more engaged in their children\'s education than they were in the past.

Nowadays, parents\' involvement is more important and frequent in children\'s education because children will be easily distracted by all kinds of entertainment. In the past, children had little toys and they could just play some simple games with their peers in the field after school. Compared with them, children now have more entertainment and gadgets, such as video games, KTV, iPad. These things enrich their lives as well as distract them from studying. Without parents supervise, children are too young to resist the temptations. In many families, parents just allow their children to play computer or watch TV after they finish the homework and their game time cannot exceed two hours. As far as I know, most of modern entertainment is addictive. Thanks to parents\' involvement, children can find a balance between studying and playing.

Besides, modern education encourages parents\' engagement. Education now requires children who are not only excellent in school exams, but also skilled in extra-curriculum acitivities. All of these cannot proceed without parents\' involvement, because only parents can extend the education from school to family. I will take an example to illustrate this. When I was in elementary school, what my parents could do for me was to help me answer some math problems. But now, my little brother demands more--my parents need to record his performance in doing housework everyday and take him to a variety of science and art exhibitions. These are new requirements from school and make more chances for parents to promote children\'s development.

From the analyese above, we can safely come to the conclusion that parents currently are more involved in their children\'s education. In fact, that is a growing tendency in our society and we cannot deny it.

   小站教育老师批改后：

The reading passage claimed that there is 【are】several evidence【+s】 to verify the truth of Peary\'s claims about having reached the North Pole. This claim is not in agreement with the lecture, which suggests that there is no solid evidence【用词不错】 of his claim and the statements are not convincing.

According to the reading passage, the National Geographic Society examined Peary\'s records and equipment and then proved his claim. The lecture, by contrast, asserts that the National Geographic Society was not totally objective, because some members were Peary\'s friends who donated【不错】 money to this adventure. They did not carefully examined the records and they had bias towards the Peary.【内容完整~~】

Moreover, contrary to the belief in the reading passage that the time period and speed of Peary were reasonable, the lecture refutes that Avery did not take food with them, thus Avery\'s dogsleds weighed less and the speed was faster. However, Peary transported much more things including food and they encountered terrible weather. Avery\'s adventure could not lend support to Peary\'s.

Finally, the reading passage argues that the Peary\'s photographs could be the evidence of his claim because according to the shadows in the photographs, the estimated Surf\'s position had no difference with the natural one. But the lecture rebuts that the shadows could not be measured precisely as the photographs were taken by primitive camera and the photographs faded. We cannot use them to get the accurate conclusion.

批改意见：

整体意思完整 内容充实 赞~~~

   Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Parents today are more involved in their children\'s education than were parents in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In today\'s society, people come to realize that good education will be conducive to their children. Thus, an increasing number of parents begin to put a premium on their children\'s education. Based in【on】 this, I agree with the statement that parents today are more engaged in their children\'s education than they were in the past.

Nowadays, parents\' involvement is more important and frequent in children\'s education because children will be easily distracted by all kinds of entertainment. In the past, children had little toys and they could just play some simple games with their peers in the field after school. Compared with them, children now have more entertainment and gadgets, such as video games, KTV, iPad. These things enrich their lives as well as distract them from studying. Without parents supervise, children are too young to resist the temptations. In many families, parents just allow their children to play computer or watch TV after they finish the homework and their game time cannot exceed two hours. As far as I know, most of modern entertainment is addictive. Thanks [to parents\' involvement, children can find a balance between studying and playing.【此段论据说服力很强】

Besides, modern education encourages parents\' engagement. Education now requires children who are not only excellent in school exams, but also skilled in extra-curriculum acitivities. 【activities】All of these cannot proceed without parents\' involvement, because only parents can extend the education from school to family. I will take an example to illustrate this. When I was in elementary school, what my parents could do for me was to help me answer some math problems. But now, my little brother demands more--my parents need to record his performance in doing housework everyday and take him to a variety of science and art exhibitions. These are new requirements from school and make more chances for parents to promote children\'s development.

From the analyese 【analysis】above, we can safely come to the conclusion that parents currently are more involved in their children\'s education. In fact, that is a growing tendency in our society and we cannot deny it.

批改意见：观点展开很好，表述很通顺流畅，各个部分之间自然的过度和衔接很好，但还是要继续努力，保持状态~~~