If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
学生原文：
学生原文：
There is a common questions that if you could change one important thing about your hometown,what would you change. Different people perhaps have different answers about this question. However,from my opinion,I think that I will choose to change our traffic system because changing traffic system can make people more relaxed,make our environment better and give people much safer lives.
First,changing our traffic system can make people more relaxed. For example,for my brother,the worst time of a day is the rush hour.Due to the fact that his house is far away from the place where he works,he has to leaves home very early and waits for a bus everyday. If there weren't a traffic jam,everything would be OK. Unfortunately,there is always a congestion everday. As a result,he has to stay on the bus for one hour or even more at times. Because of this,he is often late and blamed by his manager. Yesterday,his manager warned him that if he was late again,he would get the sack. However,if I could change our traffic system,there will not be any traffic jam and my brother doesn't need to be in hurry any more. Meanwhile,his life will become more relaxed.
Furthernore,changing our traffic system can make our environment better. Take me for example,my parents often take me to school in their cars. Sometimes I often think when people are driving their own cars,have they even never thought about the pollution? Private cars are the major cause of the air pollution. If I could change our traffic system,I will build a better public traffic system so that people can go to everything without driving their own cars. Till then,the poor waste disposal will be less than now and our air will get much fresher,and then our environment will become much better than today's.
On top of all that,changing our traffic system can give people much safer lives. Take my cousin for exmpale,she was badly injured in a car crash last week. Last week,my drove her own car back home after a very busy day. Because a lorry broke down in the middle of the road,there was a long tailback,so my cousin decided to pull out and pass over the lorry. Unfortunately, there was another car was coming in the opposite direction and it crash into the front of my cousin's car. She was badly injured and her car was utterly ruined. My sister is still unconsicous now and all my family are extremely worried about her. If I could change our traffic system,there will be fewer accidents on the road and people will become quite safer.
In conclusion,for those reasons,I think that if I could,I will change our traffic system because it can make people more relaxed our environment better and give people much safer lives. Considering these advantages,don't you want a better traffic system？
First,changing our traffic system can make people more relaxed. For example,for my brother,the worst time of a day is the rush hour.Due to the fact that his house is far away from the place where he works,he has to leaves home very early and waits for a bus everyday. If there weren't a traffic jam,everything would be OK. Unfortunately,there is always a congestion everday. As a result,he has to stay on the bus for one hour or even more at times. Because of this,he is often late and blamed by his manager. Yesterday,his manager warned him that if he was late again,he would get the sack. However,if I could change our traffic system,there will not be any traffic jam and my brother doesn't need to be in hurry any more. Meanwhile,his life will become more relaxed.
Furthernore,changing our traffic system can make our environment better. Take me for example,my parents often take me to school in their cars. Sometimes I often think when people are driving their own cars,have they even never thought about the pollution? Private cars are the major cause of the air pollution. If I could change our traffic system,I will build a better public traffic system so that people can go to everything without driving their own cars. Till then,the poor waste disposal will be less than now and our air will get much fresher,and then our environment will become much better than today's.
On top of all that,changing our traffic system can give people much safer lives. Take my cousin for exmpale,she was badly injured in a car crash last week. Last week,my drove her own car back home after a very busy day. Because a lorry broke down in the middle of the road,there was a long tailback,so my cousin decided to pull out and pass over the lorry. Unfortunately, there was another car was coming in the opposite direction and it crash into the front of my cousin's car. She was badly injured and her car was utterly ruined. My sister is still unconsicous now and all my family are extremely worried about her. If I could change our traffic system,there will be fewer accidents on the road and people will become quite safer.
In conclusion,for those reasons,I think that if I could,I will change our traffic system because it can make people more relaxed our environment better and give people much safer lives. Considering these advantages,don't you want a better traffic system？
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小站教育老师批改后：If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
There is a common questions that if you could change one important thing about your hometown,what【亲，注意单词之间的空格哦~改为: hometown, what, 文中有很多地方都有这个问题~~需要注意一下哦~】 would you change【引题有些生硬~！】. Different people perhaps have different answers about this question. However, from【改为: in】 my opinion, I think that I will choose to change our traffic system【观点表述较为明确~！】 because changing traffic system can make people more relaxed, make our environment better and give people much safer lives【论证性的内容不要放在Introduction里面哦，要在下文论证！】.
First, changing our traffic system can make people more relaxed. For example, for my brother, the worst time of a day is the rush hour. Due to the fact that his house is far away from the place where he works, he has to leaves【改为: leave,因为前面是: to】 home very early and waits for a【+ the】 bus everyday. If there weren't a traffic jam, everything would be OK. Unfortunately, there is always a congestion everday【改为: every day.】. As a result, he has to stay on the bus for one hour or even more at times【删除】. Because of this, he is often late and blamed by his manager. Yesterday, his manager warned him that if he was【改为: is】 late again, he would get the sack. However, if I could change our traffic system, there will not be any traffic jam and my brother doesn't need to be in hurry any more. Meanwhile, his life will become more relaxed.
Furthernore【改为: Furthermore】, changing our traffic system can make our environment better【这也是个很有说服力的角度~鼓掌！】. Take me for example, my parents often take me to school in their cars. Sometimes I often think when people are driving their own cars, have【多余，删除】 they even never thought about the pollution? Private cars are the major cause of the air pollution. If I could change our traffic system, I will build a better public traffic system so that people can go to everything【改为: everywhere】 without driving their own cars. Till then, the poor waste disposal will be less than now and our air will get much fresher, and then our environment will become much better than today's【删除】.
On top of all that, changing our traffic system can give people much safer lives【这也是个不错的论点~！】. Take my cousin for exmpale【改为: example】, she was badly injured in a car crash last week. Last week, my【改为: she】 drove her own car back home after a very busy day. Because a lorry broke down in the middle of the road, there was a long tailback, so my cousin decided to pull out and pass over the lorry. Unfortunately, there was another car was coming in the opposite direction and it crash into the front of my cousin's car. She was badly injured and her car was utterly ruined. My sister is still unconsicous【改为: unconscious】 now and all my family are extremely worried about her. If I could change our traffic system, there will be fewer accidents on the road and people will become quite safer.
In conclusion, for those reasons, I think that if I could, I will change our traffic system because it can make people more relaxed our environment better and give people much safer lives. Considering these advantages, don't you want a better traffic system？
注意单词拼写错误以及单词与单词之间的空格~ 很多单词黏在一块了
整体观点较为明确，论证也较为充分！
唯一的不足是，部分句子结构的语法还需要加强！
继续加油！
Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。
There is a common questions that if you could change one important thing about your hometown,what【亲，注意单词之间的空格哦~改为: hometown, what, 文中有很多地方都有这个问题~~需要注意一下哦~】 would you change【引题有些生硬~！】. Different people perhaps have different answers about this question. However, from【改为: in】 my opinion, I think that I will choose to change our traffic system【观点表述较为明确~！】 because changing traffic system can make people more relaxed, make our environment better and give people much safer lives【论证性的内容不要放在Introduction里面哦，要在下文论证！】.
First, changing our traffic system can make people more relaxed. For example, for my brother, the worst time of a day is the rush hour. Due to the fact that his house is far away from the place where he works, he has to leaves【改为: leave,因为前面是: to】 home very early and waits for a【+ the】 bus everyday. If there weren't a traffic jam, everything would be OK. Unfortunately, there is always a congestion everday【改为: every day.】. As a result, he has to stay on the bus for one hour or even more at times【删除】. Because of this, he is often late and blamed by his manager. Yesterday, his manager warned him that if he was【改为: is】 late again, he would get the sack. However, if I could change our traffic system, there will not be any traffic jam and my brother doesn't need to be in hurry any more. Meanwhile, his life will become more relaxed.
Furthernore【改为: Furthermore】, changing our traffic system can make our environment better【这也是个很有说服力的角度~鼓掌！】. Take me for example, my parents often take me to school in their cars. Sometimes I often think when people are driving their own cars, have【多余，删除】 they even never thought about the pollution? Private cars are the major cause of the air pollution. If I could change our traffic system, I will build a better public traffic system so that people can go to everything【改为: everywhere】 without driving their own cars. Till then, the poor waste disposal will be less than now and our air will get much fresher, and then our environment will become much better than today's【删除】.
On top of all that, changing our traffic system can give people much safer lives【这也是个不错的论点~！】. Take my cousin for exmpale【改为: example】, she was badly injured in a car crash last week. Last week, my【改为: she】 drove her own car back home after a very busy day. Because a lorry broke down in the middle of the road, there was a long tailback, so my cousin decided to pull out and pass over the lorry. Unfortunately, there was another car was coming in the opposite direction and it crash into the front of my cousin's car. She was badly injured and her car was utterly ruined. My sister is still unconsicous【改为: unconscious】 now and all my family are extremely worried about her. If I could change our traffic system, there will be fewer accidents on the road and people will become quite safer.
In conclusion, for those reasons, I think that if I could, I will change our traffic system because it can make people more relaxed our environment better and give people much safer lives. Considering these advantages, don't you want a better traffic system？
注意单词拼写错误以及单词与单词之间的空格~ 很多单词黏在一块了
整体观点较为明确，论证也较为充分！
唯一的不足是，部分句子结构的语法还需要加强！
继续加油！
| Independent Task | Level：Good |
| 4 | 24 |
Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。
