In many countries schools have severe problems with students behavior.What do you think are the causes of this?What solutions can you suggest?
学生原文：
Teaching a student with severe behavioral problems can be a real challenge for schools across the world. Students who have those problems often manifest in patterns of aggression and disruption that negatively impact in a child’s ability to learn. Although there are a range of possibilities which can cause this, I think it is the improper nurture children has been raised with that should takes the responsibility for this issue.
Parents are supposed to give good examples to instill kindness and virtue which contribute mostly to their children’s behavior.
However, with the increasing pace of modern society, it is quite common that working parents don’t have time for their children because they prefer to build up a better material environment which they think might be essential for the children’s future. Certainly, the answer is ‘No’.
By contrast, children who grow up with warmness, love and guidance are more likely to behave nicely in the school and perform well in the community. Since they have learnt what is the right thing to do from their families, they are capable to avoid the temptation from other students who have bad behavior.
Moreover, despite of these family causes, there might be a group of students finding academic difficulties and after losing their self-confidence, they have to choose the way of bad behavior to attract others’ attention, including their parents and teachers.
Thus, my accommodation to solve this problem is that, most importantly, parents should have notice that whether their teaching methods are truly suitable and appropriate for their children, more than just in their own thoughts. Furthermore, more concentration is needed to be taken on those students who probably do not get high score or are not excellent in every aspect.
小站教育老师批改后：
Teaching a student with severe behavioral problems can be a real challenge for schools across the world. Students who have those problems often manifest in patterns of aggression and disruption that negatively impact in a child’s ability to learn. Although there are a range of possibilities which can cause this, I think it is the improper nurture children has been raised with that should takes the responsibility for this issue.【语法有误。it is the improper way of nurturing children that should take the responsibility for this issue】
第一段写的蛮好的，尤其是第一句背景介绍的部分。
Parents are supposed to give good examples to instill kindness and virtue which contribute mostly to their children’s behavior.
However, with the increasing pace of modern society, it is quite common that working parents don’t have time for their children because they prefer to build up a better material environment which they think might be essential for the children’s future. Certainly, the answer is ‘No’.
By contrast, children who grow up with warmness, love and guidance are more likely to behave nicely in the school and perform well in the community. Since they have learnt what is the right thing to do from their families, they are capable to avoid the temptation from other students who have bad behavior. 【这一段跟上一段合并，用一个中心句：家长太注重孩子的物质教育，忽视了对他们的素质精神教育】
Moreover, despite of (apart from) these family causes, there might be a group of students finding academic difficulties and after losing their self-confidence, they have to choose the way of bad behavior to attract others’ attention, including their parents and teachers.
Thus, my accommodation to solve this problem is that, most importantly, parents should have notice (noticed)that whether their teaching methods are truly suitable and appropriate for their children, more than just in their own thoughts. Furthermore, more concentration is needed to be taken on those students who probably do not get high score or are not excellent in every aspect.
估分：6.5
评价：论证思路非常清晰，论证的也比较充分，不错。就是有些词汇和语法等低价错误，避免一些会更好。
